14 October 2006 | Nodriesrespect
The Five Lays of Christmas
Now here's a stocking stuffer of a different stripe ! Hack helmer Jim Enright, a director who's only as good as the cast and material at his disposal (SINISTER SISTER and GIGOLO being among his better efforts), attempts to corner the Yuletide meat market if there is indeed such a thing with this good-natured little video that might raise more chuckles than chubbies, even though it can't begin to compare to Shaun Costello's Christmas-themed PASSIONS OF CAROL. Main reason for its success must be Gerard Damiano's amiably silly script, matched by the unabashed campiness befitting the material displayed by several of the performers who are clearly game for a laugh as well as lust.
Setting is the North Pole (cue the flick's first sniggers, appropriately setting the tone) as Santa, played by Randy - UP 'N' CUMMERS West looking decidedly leathery, prepares to leave for a Miami toy convention. He's actually planning a dirty weekend rendezvous with Virginia (the always enthusiastic Debi Diamond, formerly known as "Kaviar" and "Shelly Rey"), and that's as in "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus", of course ! They have the first sex scene, fueled by good energy but somewhat marred by poor camera placement, a drawback the rest of the feature unfortunately adheres to. This is a particular shame as all of the tape's five encounters have a good deal of heat, now drained through the absence of a really good "sex shooter" like Michael Cates or Frank Marino.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Cindy Claus is left in charge of the workshop. She's Angela Summers, one of the most popular starlets of the early '90s (featured in John Stagliano's WILD GOOSE CHASE among many others), impossibly cute 'n' cuddly running around in a tiny red teddy topped off with a matching Santa's cap. She has to contend with mischievous head elf Big Jake ("little person" Napoleon, unfairly treated as a gimmick within the less than sensitive adult industry) who has invented a "materializer" whereby he can bring toys to life, giving them an unexpected sex drive along the way. So we get a tryst involving Raggedy Ann (K.C. Williams, star of Jack Remy's ADVENTURES OF MIKKI FINN) and Andy (Buck Adams, who directed as well as starred in NO MOTIVE), with impeccable costuming by the way, and a sweltering threesome involving Cindy Claus with a toy ballerina (Alicyn Sterling, who played Cleopatra in Damiano's JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT) and soldier (stalwart stud T.T. Boy). Kudos to Adams and Sterling for sustained "doll acting" that truly adds to their scenes.
Not the type of feature to reap major awards, it has a certain hard to resist charm as a result of its knowing cheesiness helped rather than hindered by synthesized carols on the soundtrack that bigger if not necessarily better movies can't match. So give it a shot. You may find that it grows on you.