15 September 2007 | Nodriesrespect
Meals on Wheels
Producer William Dancer and director Joanna Williams (according to late genre critic Jim Holliday a former soft-core starlet who was in Ron Garcia's mind-boggling TOY BOX) followed their hugely popular LITTLE GIRLS BLUE with this piece of fluff, regurgitating most of that instant classic's female cast (Samantha Morgan, Lori Blue, Chrissy Petersen) supplemented with early performances by some of the industry's biggest stars, albeit in semi-anonymous orgy action. Perhaps the pair needed to clear their heads after the previous year's harrowing rape 'n' revenge saga EXPENSIVE TASTES as they seem quite content this time around to settle for a fast-paced, freewheeling farce completely lacking in substance whatsoever. Though less than memorable, the resulting fare remains highly enjoyable on its own empty-headed terms.
Poor Jill Stewart (Morgan) was orphaned in her teens and sent to French boarding school by mysterious millionaire "J.J. Williams" (!) whom she has never met. Deceased, he leaves the girl his estate, including $ 25,000 in unpaid taxes and a dilapidated lunch wagon. Assuring the hapless heiress that the Williams mansion is but a ruin, sneaky solicitor Bennett (Harry Freeman, who played character parts in Alan Vydra's LOVE DREAMS and Tom Janovich's SMALL TOWN GIRLS) swindles her out of her inheritance. Discovering the truth, Jill has two months to come up with the cash or all her possessions will legally pass into the attorney's hands. Fortunately, her aunt runs a profitable brothel so she's able to supply a couple of girls (Petersen and fan favorite Dorothy Lemay) to join Jill in sprucing up the old van and touring construction sites to offer a hot lunch to the hardworking builders, their specials being the in 'n' out hamburger, hot dogs with special sauce provided by Chrissy's fur burger and, of course, cherry pie ! Branching out into offices, Jill (who has been on the outside looking in until then) gets sidetracked by an amorous Richard Pacheco, but then again who wouldn't be ? Owner of the sites the girls frequent, Mr Maroni (handsome David Pole who unfortunately has no sex scenes), has noted a decline in absence as well as a rise in motivation in his workers since they started running their rounds so he hires them for a private pool party. That and Bennett's subsequent comeuppance mean it's non stop orgy stuff from this moment onwards. Being a profound believer that quantity can never be a substitute for quality, my main gripe with these sequences as with practically all group grope scenarios is that the various couplings, trip-lings and so forth are both fleeting and insufficiently covered. Given the people involved here, that's nothing short of a crime against humanity or at least that segment of humanity that enjoys well-done dirty movies.
Having re-acquainted myself with this film after nearly two decades, the main image that was stuck in my mind was that of Candy Wong (a minor Asian starlet also in Fred Lincoln's OUI, GIRLS) holding David Morris' appendage with chopsticks, dipping it repeatedly in soy sauce before wolfing it down ! Underrated Kitty Shayne (who did a very erotic scene with huge John Holmes in Carlos Tobalina's wonderful SEXUAL HEIGHTS) joins Lemay for a double dose of ravishing redheads with lucky bastard Blair Harris. Rectal royalty Connie Peterson (whose back door specialty was exhaustively essayed in David Fleetwood's LITTLE FRENCH MAID) performs with her customary enthusiasm to a very youthful Mike Horner's heart's content. Jesie St. James must have been on the verge of becoming Sam Weston's muse (post-EASY, there would be no going back) and performs a semi-clever oral bit on another Jesse (Adams, that is) mirrored in synchronism by mirror image blonde Birgit Olson, star of Harold Perkins' HOT LUNCH. But wait, I haven't even mentioned Kandi Barbour, and Sharon Kane (who should celebrate her 30th adult anniversary any time soon !), and superstar Serena for goodness sake. Stop ! Stop ! Stop ! Longtime genre goddesses abound but blink and you may actually miss out on some of them. With such vast resources at their disposal, Dancer and Williams managed to squander a lot of its potential by their nonchalant approach to carnality, a waste no amount of glossy production values can cover. Sure, it's all good if not exactly clean fun but the fornication film fan will be kicking himself over what could have been the result of this once in a lifetime teaming of talent.