4 April 2011 | lor_
Moronic Gotham porn filler
A one-joke (or actually no-joke) XXX feature, LOVE-IN MAID takes the cliché of advertising in the newspaper for a girl so guys can exploit her in adult films, and trots it out one more time. I suggest one opt for the classic PERSONAL SERVICES starring Cyndee Summers and leave this stinker alone.
It's on a three-fer of NYC-made porn offered by After Hours Cinema, mis-described by the stupid shill who writes inane notes on these revivals. Needless to say, he thinks the male pseudonym "Chris Kissen" refers to femme Ultramax in the co-feature CERTIFIED MAIL (Kissen = Jack Webb is also mistakenly listed in the MAID credits too); spells all the names wrong (calling one star "Mary Stewart" (sic) and alluding to superstar "Samantha Foxx" (sic)) and fails to recognize or identify my local fave Judy Craven, who's the best thing in the picture.
His superlatives like "the grimiest" or "the ugliest film ever" are typically ignorant pronouncements, apparently reverse-psychology shilling but obviously ludicrous assertions. How about "most mediocre film ever made"?
Bobby Astyr and an unidentified roommate greet Cindy West answering their ad for a housekeeper, give her a sexy black lingerie "uniform" and immediately have sex with her, against her will at first, as a given. Cindy masturbates with her shoe while changing into the outfit, for good measure.
Census taker Mary Stuart, wearing glasses and a fake wig, shows up and tries to play it straight but Astyr, clearly on an off day in his career, is single-mindedly dense, unable to cough up an interesting ad lib, and generally repugnant. I didn't like seeing him back when these films were new, and his smart-ass routine (typical of a failed comic) is even lamer four decades later.
Later Cindy displays her "two in the mouth" technique of fellatio and is rewarded with a lesbian sex scene with Mary.
Mixed combo action is introduced when Cindy heads for Washington Square Park to buy an Eskimo Pie, and brings home the tall black vendor (Turk Turpin) for a quickie. I have to feel sorry for the guy, who started his career in a straight role in COTTON COMES TO HARLEM, but ended up strictly in forgettable XXX assignments.
Astyr & buddy pick up Judy Craven in the park, and she alone of the cast members tries hard to act. Her easy manner and attempt to speak the English language in complete and understandable sentences, even given the ad lib nature of the proceedings, is an object lesson to Astyr and company of what a pro can deliver.
Film ends up with a desultory 8-person orgy, used as an excuse for a "twist" of an ending wherein Cindy picks up the boys' Arriflex camera and turns the tables on them, chuckling "Man, am I going to make a fortune on this one", and the biters get bit.
Very crudely filmed opus has horrendous editing, with the annoying gimmick of microscopic closeups of random sex organs in motion inserted during all the sex scenes. Damiano's great cameraman Joao Fernandes pioneered the use of the extreme closeup in porn, but its appearance here is very off-putting, not erotic in the slightest.