11 September 2007 | znep27
Worst movie I have ever seen.
First of all, I never originally intended on getting this movie. I was ordering Tales from the Crapper on the Troma website and they had an offer where you could choose between 5 DVDs to receive free with your order of TFTC. I actually requested that they send me Dr. Hackenstein, but I guess it was out of stock or something because they sent me this instead. I didn't really care because it was free and I didn't really even want to see Dr. Hackenstein anyway, it just looked like the least worst of my possible selections.
Now I know some of you are probably skeptical about my "worst movie ever" claim. You probably think I just don't see that many B-movies. But believe me, I have seen some crap in my day. And no matter how much I hate a movie, I always try to tough it out to the end. And I have always been successful. That is, of course, until I saw Death Dancers. And this is coming from a guy who made it all the way through Croaked: Frog Monster from Hell.
This first time I tried to watch Death Dancers, I didn't even make it two minutes in. I didn't want to, but I just had to turn it off. The next day I realized how foolish it was of me to give up on it after only two minutes. Sure, it was the worst two minutes of a movie I've ever watched, but it could get better. Maybe. So I decided to give it another go, this time making it eight whole torturous minutes in. Wow. I could not believe how horrible of a movie this was. I have always prided myself on the ability to sit through some of the worst movies on the planet, but it looked like this movie had me beat. But about a month later I decided that I would watch it and that no matter how horrible it was I would not turn it off. I was determined. This time I made it about 20 some odd minutes in and I gave up. I threw it in my closet and just decided to accept defeat.
About a year later I was still not too happy with the fact that I owned a movie that I was unable to watch all the way through. But one day I came up with a plan. I would watch the whole thing over a period of a few days. The movie had six chapters so I decided that would be fine. I would watch one chapter a day for six days. And well, the whole movie was just as bad as the first 20 minutes led me to believe. It was sort of like a soft core porno disguised as a horror film, but it felt more like a soap opera with worse acting. And the plot, well I don't really remember the plot. Something about an evil porn director or some other such nonsense. I was sort of trying not to pay attention. But anyway, I guess what I'm really trying to say with this review is DO NOT WATCH DEATH DANCERS!