17 July 2000 | Gary-161
She's looking good, Houston....
.....and her performance can best be described as enigmatic. So she's lying there while her hubby is doing the wild thing.
"Darling, did you notice how my hair's just like Mia Farrow's in Rosemary's whatsit?"
"UuUunGh...UUUnGGH...can't talk now. UuuNNgh...alien babies mean more work. For some reason I have to push harder...UUuUUuRGHHH!!!!! Oh God, I think it's twins. So I have to work at it twice as hard now. I think my back's going. I'm getting whiplash. Argh..UnnGhhhh... Alien baby, Alien baby into yoooooooooooooooouuuuuuuu!"
"Darling, I think we need to get that Furby out of there first, hmmmm?"
Are they lying down? Or up against a wall? On the ceiling? Hard to tell with all this arty camerawork making us dizzy. It's a case for Scully and Mulder. Do you notice how they keep repeating each other's names in that series? "But Mulder, but Scully, but Mulder, but Scully"...And it's even worse with their bosses. Then it's AGENT Scully, AGENT Mulder all the time. They all know who each other are so why don't they just TALK to each other for a change? And where are Sullied and Moldy when you need them, like to show up and explain the plot of this film? Why, when you're an alien in a distant galaxy whose waited so long for an opportune moment to travel the speed of light or thought or whatever to earth, Would you build a spacecraft that *BONEHEAD SCIENCE BREAK* can't go to other planets because you would need to travel the speed of light and you can't do that because the faster you go, the heavier your ship gets and the more fuel you'd need to propel you forward. In fact, you'd need an infinite amount of energy to reach light speed which is impossible. Having twin pilots wouldn't make the ship go any faster. So what were these kinky ET's planning? Were they hoping that their offspring would just have a nice day out zipping around earth with a "high ma" wave and then go home for tea? It's a long way to send your kids just to be earth bound pilots. But then their extra-terrestrial father is a bit of redneck. I mean, the last thing I'd expect a visitor to this planet to say is "First I killed the husband, then the sister, then I ****ed his wife." I thought they were susposed to say something a little bit more...well, profound. Or a bit more spacey. Not: "I'm really getting off hurting you, earth b**ch." I think this alien has issues. He needs councelling, not electrocution. He's a sexist space pig. And why didn't he just zap into her in the first place instead of wasting all that time stalking her? Why wait until the bath overflows, Mulder? Or is it Scully? And that NASA guy. Monitoring changes in astronaut's physical health is not usually a sackable offence, it's fundamental to their whole program and they're very thorough and conscientious about it. Agent Scully? Mulder, Scully, Mulder, Scully, Mulder. I'm not used to seeing you both without your clothes on. And answer me this. Why should we watch an almost self-confessed watered down rip off of 'Rosemary's Baby', when we can just watch the original. The truth is out there. Just give me two minutes.
Oh yes, of course it's only jealousy. We'd all like to be directors and make films like this. Only not crap.