Intolerable Cruelty (2003)

Catherine Zeta-Jones: Marylin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Marylin Rexroth : [after Miles kisses Marylin]  I could have you disbarred for that.

  Miles Massey : It was worth it.

  Marylin Rexroth : A romantic divorce attorney.

  Miles Massey : You fascinate me.

• Miles Massey : Your husband had told me you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever met. I didn't expect the most beautiful woman I'd ever met.

  Marylin Rexroth : "Dismiss your vows, your feigned tears, your flattery, for where a heart is hard they make no battery".

  Miles Massey : "Whoever loved that loved not at first sight?".

  Marylin Rexroth : Now, you didn't ask me here to pick me up? You could be disbarred for that.

  Miles Massey : Maybe I'm reckless.

• Miles Massey : I guess, something inside of me died, when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me.

  Marylin Rexroth : Wait a minute. You hired him to kill me.

  Freddy Bender : No. Both of you wait a minute. Nobody hired anyone to kill anyone.

  Wrigley : Hear, hear.

  Freddy Bender : Apparently, from what I can gather, a burglar broke into your house.

  Wrigley : Miles's house.

  Freddy Bender : Whatever. A burglar broke in intending to loot the place, uh, repented, became despondent over his lifestyle and shot himself.

• Marylin Rexroth : Do you think he's eating enough?

  Sarah Sorkin : Marylin!

• Miles Massey : Correct me, but since by now, the ink must be dry, I believe I have the right to collect.

  Marylin Rexroth : On?

  Miles Massey : You promised to have dinner with me once you were free.

  Marylin Rexroth : [Giggles]  I said I wouldn't whilst I wasn't which implies no promise once I am.

• Miles Massey : Tell me more about yourself.

  Marylin Rexroth : Alright, Miles. Let me tell you everything you need to know. You may think you're tough, but I eat men like you for breakfast.

• Gus Petch : You seem to be taking it pretty good. I've seen 'em come in here, weep and wail like Baptists at a funeral. Like they hired me to prove their husbands weren't fooling around.

  Marylin Rexroth : Don't get me wrong, Mr...

  Gus Petch : Petch. Gus Petch.

  Marylin Rexroth : Whilst I don't find this terribly amusing, I am delighted that you found this material. This is going to be my passport to wealth, independence... and freedom.

  Gus Petch : [chickles]  Sounds like to me that you gonna nail his ass.

• Marylin Rexroth : What was your performance about this afternoon?

  Miles Massey : What did your lawyer say?

  Marylin Rexroth : Freddy, thinks you're a buffoon. He says you've been too successful. You're bored, complacent and you're on your way down.

  Miles Massey : But you don't think so.

  Marylin Rexroth : How do you know?

  Miles Massey : Why would you be here?

  Marylin Rexroth : Why did you ask me?

  Miles Massey : Can't I be curious?

  Marylin Rexroth : About what?

  Miles Massey : Do you ever answer a question?

  Marylin Rexroth : Do you?

  Miles Massey : [changing the subject, to the waiter]  I'll have the tournedos of beef. The lady will have the same. Thank you.

  Waiter : Thank you, Sir.

• Miles Massey : You're looking well, Marylin.

  Marylin Rexroth : Hello Miles.

  Miles Massey : Obscene wealth becomes you.

  Marylin Rexroth : I should have known you'd be here.

  Miles Massey : Be here? I'm the key note speaker.

  Marylin Rexroth : How nice for you.

  Miles Massey : Nailing Your Spouse's Assets.

  Marylin Rexroth : Excuse me?

  Miles Massey : My speech.

  Marylin Rexroth : Oh... Oh, I'm sure you'll bring the house down.

  Miles Massey : It's an easy crowd. At this point, I think you're probably the only person I can't teach anything to.

  Marylin Rexroth : Really?

• Miles Massey : Marylin, think of me for a moment, not as an attorney, but as a friend.

  Marylin Rexroth : Does that mean you won't be charging us for the hour?

• Marylin Rexroth : [Sarah has]  Only a peptic ulcer to keep her warm at night.

• Marylin Rexroth : No, no, no, no, no, this is all wrong.

  Miles Massey : What? Is it the kilt?

  Marylin Rexroth : Do you love me?

  Miles Massey : More than anything.

  Marylin Rexroth : Can I trust you?

  Miles Massey : Yes, you can trust me.

  Miles Massey : [Marylin grabs the Massey prenupt and tears it]  Darling, you're exposed!

  Marylin Rexroth : A sitting duck.

• Marylin Rexroth : I thought he'd outgrown trains.

  Gus Petch : They never grow up, they just get tubby.

• Miles Massey : [after ordering food for both of them]  I assume you're a carnivore.

  Marylin Rexroth : [laughing]  Oh, Mr. Massey. You have *no* *idea*.

• Gus Petch : I'm an ass nailer.

  Marylin Rexroth : So I see.

  Gus Petch : Gym four times a week. Hour and a half, plus stretching. Life circle. Life step. Life circuit. Gus Petch don't pussyfoot around.

• Miles' Receptionist : Mr. Massey?

  Miles Massey : Please, no calls. I'm feeling a little fragile.

  Miles' Receptionist : I'm sorry, Mr. Massey, but I felt certain you'd want to know. Marylin Rexroth wants to see you.

  Miles Massey : Marylin? Uh... When did she...?

  Miles' Receptionist : She's here now.

  Miles Massey : Is she armed?

  [laughs] 

  Miles Massey : Give me a minute.

  [gargles and looks at himself in the mirror] 

  Miles Massey : Marylin... how nice of you to. Marylin... shame on you. Marylin... what a lovely surprise.

  [opening the door] 

  Miles Massey : # Marylin, what a pleasure...

  [seeing Howard] 

  Miles Massey : Who the hell are you?

  Marylin Rexroth : Hello, Miles. So nice of you to see us.

• Miles Massey : Dump him. You can't nail his ass.

  Marylin Rexroth : Is that all?

  Miles Massey : No, that's not all.

  [kisses her] 

• Flight Attendant : You didn't win.

  Marylin Rexroth : Excuse me?

  Flight Attendant : I can always tell, coming back from Vegas, who didn't win.

  Marylin Rexroth : You're right.

• Marylin Rexroth : I've invested five good years in my marriage to Rex and I've nailed his ass fair and square. Now I'm going to have it stuffed, mounted, and have my lady friends come over and throw darts at it.

• Marylin Rexroth : What are you after Miles?

  Miles Massey : Well, I'm a lot like you. Just looking for an ass to mount.

  Marylin Rexroth : [Whisper]  Well, don't look at mine.

• Marylin Rexroth : They bought Massey's argument. If I lied or cheated and was with Rex only for his money, then he shouldn't have to give me any.

  Sarah Sorkin : Well, that makes no sense. Why else would you put in all those years?

• Miles Massey : Let me rephrase. I would be delighted, honored, really, if you...

  [Marylin's poodle bites Miles Massey on his hand] 

  Marylin Rexroth : Howard!

  Miles Massey : Howard. You named him after your ex.

  Marylin Rexroth : I'm sentimental.

• Miles Massey : Your Honor, I call Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.

  Bailiff : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.

  Guard #1 : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

  Guard #2 : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

  Guard #3 : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

  Freddy Bender : Problem?

  Marylin Rexroth : Puffy.

  Guard #4 : Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

  Wrigley : Tenzing Norgay.

• Rex : Can't we have a civilized discussion about this?

  Marylin Rexroth : Our lawyers can.

• Marylin Rexroth : Hello, Darlings. Mwah. Mwah.

  Ramona Barcelona : So, you and Rex are...

  Marylin Rexroth : Well, as my private investigator put it: We're gonna nail his ass.

• Sarah Sorkin : Oh! Oohh!

  Marylin Rexroth : Are you alright, Sarah?

  Sarah Sorkin : Yeah.

  Marylin Rexroth : What is it?

  Sarah Sorkin : Peptic ulcer. I have medication but... I can't take it before elective surgery.

• Marylin Rexroth : You could see people.

  Sarah Sorkin : Palimony. Son of a bitch Marvin Mitchelson. I'm telling you, honey, getting laid is financial Russian Roulette.

• Marylin Rexroth : Mr. Donaly? Excuse me. You are Donovan Donaly?

  Donovan Donaly : I'm in a meeting.

• Marylin Rexroth : Well, I'm free this evening, so I suppose a little dinner would do no harm.

• Marylin Rexroth : Miles, you'll always be my favorite husband. But no more sentiment, darling. I really have to be going.