Go (1999)

Jay Mohr: Zack

Photos 

Quotes 

• Zack : It really didn't go as bad as it could have.

  Adam : A girl is dead, Zack.

  Zack : I didn't say it went perfectly.

• Zack : [after being asked by Burke to sell Confederated Products]  Uhh, wait. Wait. You want us to sell Amway?

  Burke : It's Confederated Products. It's a different company, it's a different quality of product.

• [Adam and Zack are in the rain trying to make space in their trunk to put a body in it] 

  Zack : Wait! Stop! Hold it!

  Adam : What? What?

  Zack : It's a Miata!

• Zack : Okay, I just have to say this. The thing is, about Jimmy, he wasn't even that good.

  Adam : I know.

  Zack : Mediocre at best. And the sounds he made, God, it was like having sex with Nell. Somewhere off Greenland, humpback whales were beaching themselves.

  Adam : And the ear thing. Hello, I have Q-Tips, that's really not necessary.

  Zack : The only thing I will give him credit for is the oral.

  Adam : What do you mean? He was terrible! At some point I just had to stop him and correct years of bad technique. I had to take him by the ears and retrain him from the throat up.

  Zack : When was that?

  Adam : October, maybe?

  Zack : Early October. And he suddenly got so much better.

  Adam : That is so disturbing. It's like you were there.

• Zack : Let's think about this logically. She's either alive, or she's dead.

• [after being asked by Burke to sell the Amway-like Confederated Products] 

  Zack : I have to do something terribly unwholesome after that. I need to bathe in sin.

  Adam : With me, or one of your other boyfriends?

• Zack : I have cheated on you with exactly one guy.

  Adam : Ditto.

  Zack : Who?

  Adam : No. See, if I tell you, you will freak out and it will be drama. Bad, not-funny, Roseanne kind of drama, and I am just not up for it.

  Zack : I'll tell you mine.

  Adam : No.

  Zack : Why not?

  Adam : You can't wait to tell me, can you? You're gloating! You think yours is better than mine!

  Zack : I don't!

  Adam : It's Sean Connery, isn't it?

  Zack : Count of three.

  Adam : All right. Sure.

  [pause] 

  Adam : Wait.

  [pause] 

  Adam : Okay.

  [they silently count three on their fingers, and then...] 

  Adam , Zack : [simultaneously]  Jimmy in makeup.