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30 March 2011 | lor_
Silly fetish video from the (so-called) Dark Bros.
Not unlike their more famous brethren the Coen Bros., the "Dark Brothers" were a comedy-minded porn team that fall within the dubious history of "negative innovators" alongside such clunky folk as Max Hardcore and the like. HOOTERMANIA is the work of Greg Brown (aka Dark), solo without Walter Dark (not sure if he was really a Brown after all), though a hanger-on credited as Alex Dark remains as video cameraman.

I had the displeasure of interviewing (by phone) Greg Brown nearly 20 years ago on the occasion of his making some pretty wonderful Shannon Whirry softcore videos. Wonderful because of Shannon, not Brown, who masqueraded under the pseudonym A. Gregory Hippolyte (which stresses his middle name in true Ron Jeremy (Hyatt) tradition), insisting ingenuously on a career bifurcation between his soft & hard efforts. I went along with the gag, but ultimately it turns out porn is porn.

Title signals the fetish, with large and generally fake breasts being the video's raison d'etre. Probably due to growing up on Russ Meyer movies I'm a fan of the genre, but prefer natural to silicone, hence my negative reaction to HOOTERMANIA.

Biggest problem, however, is Greg's warped sense of humor. It made a big splash in the '80s as attention-getting irreverence, but comes off as stale and infantile here. Poor Jon Dough suffers the most, starting with having his name misspelled in the credits, as John Doe, perhaps a Capra tribute.

It might be Dough's worst performance, though with upwards of a thousand films & videos (IMDb lists 870 in its incomplete coverage) it is impossible to confirm this. He mugs, pulls faces and otherwise acts very un-Dough-like as a "prince" living in his bathtub in some cave when summoned by a busty goddess Mamma Jamma to go on a hero's quest to find the perfect jugs. About as dumb a plot line as the earlier classic BOOBARELLA (a video sporting bigger & better boobs).

Accompanying him on this trek is a "pocket pussy", a little device one probably bought in dirty book stores once upon a time (I'm dating myself on purpose), which Dough squeezes to make it look like its lips are moving (don't ask) and which talks to him throughout the video, offering dumb advice. Greg's fondness for insulting the viewer knows no bounds.

Desultory sex scenes, two of which feature Ron Jeremy doing his thing (but accorded no dialog) follow, all emphasizing big jugs. Sloppiness is the paradigm, even Ron is misspelled as "Ron Jerey" in the special "CAST" list on the DVD. Various kinky and outré material, including a girl who has two dog-boys as slaves, is thrown in pointlessly.

Just as there are legions of trekkers who worship Gene Roddenberry's TV classics, I'm sure there are a handful of drekkers who dote on this garbage. Count me out, Greg, I gave at the office.

Amongst the not-so-impressive femme cast members I'd have to vote for Lynn LeMay and Tianna Taylor as my favorites, with Leanna Foxxx unfortunately in the "most artificial" category.

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