Mumford (1999)

Loren Dean: Mumford

Photos 

Quotes 

• Skip Skipperton : You've fallen in love with one of your patients? - Doc! It's not me is it?

  Dr. Mumford : What! No, Skip. It's not you, but I like you a lot.

• Dr. Mumford : Sofie, lie down. Most people do.

  Sofie Crisp : I'd better not. I'll fall right to sleep. I think it's a bit too soon for me to be sleeping with you.

• Skip Skipperton : Are you telling me that your last job before becoming a psychologist was an investigator for the IRS?

  Dr. Mumford : Everybody has a story, Skip.

  Skip Skipperton : Seems like you got the variety pack.

• Mrs. Crisp : What kind of doctor are you?

  Dr. Mumford : Ph.D. in psychology.

  Mrs. Crisp : Oh. Not a real doctor.

  Dr. Mumford : That's right, the fake kind.

• Dr. Mumford : In a free society you are what you say you are. If you screwed up on life, sometimes you can get another shot.

• Dr. Mumford : [to Sofie]  Are you positive your mother's a bitch?

• Skip Skipperton : Do you know how I spend my every single solitary moment?

  Dr. Mumford : Jerking off?

  Skip Skipperton : No, that's a good guess though!

• Skip Skipperton : So, do you know what I've been doing, all alone in my workshop, for almost two years? How I spend my every solitary hour? What I've been working on, what the world really needs and no one has been able to create: a virtually life-like humanoid, gender-specific, anatomically functional, sexual surrogate-slash-companion.

  Dr. Mumford : [Looking confused]  "Slash-what"?

  Skip Skipperton : Sexual surrogate-slash-companion.

  Dr. Mumford : [still confused]  A doll?

  Skip Skipperton : No, doc. Not a doll! I am Panda Modems. I'm talking about much, much more than a doll. The world has never seen what I'm talking about - except maybe in the movies.

• Jeremy Brockett : Are you a man who likes to treat himself right?

  Dr. Mumford : I've had my moments.

  Jeremy Brockett : Well, I am. And I'm not ashamed of it. Nobody ever said on their deathbed, "I treated myself too well."

  Dr. Mumford : I thought it was, "Nobody ever said I should have spent more time at the office."

  Jeremy Brockett : Fill in the blanks. I don't mind the office. The point is you only go around once. So, like the Zen say, "Be here now."

• Dr. Mumford : I am not now, nor have I ever been, a psychologist.

• Dr. Mumford : I had no friends and I didn't talk to my family. The only constant stabilizing force in my life was drugs.

  Skip Skipperton : An IRS investigator with a drug problem!

• Dr. Mumford : Skip, you know that it is improper, completely unethical, for a licensed psychologist to carry on a romantic relationship with one of his patients.

  Skip Skipperton : I guess it makes sense.

  Dr. Mumford : Yes. Yes, it does.

• Dr. Mumford : I noticed Something. For some reason, probably because I was too stoned to talk, everywhere I went people would talk to me. Tell me everything. Their problems, their inner most thoughts. Sometimes they needed advice, but most of the people just wanted someone to listen.

• Dr. Mumford : Gregory was insane.

  Dr. Mumford : Of course being insane didn't make it all right that I fell in love with his wife Candy.

• Jeremy Brockett : What do you think... I mean about Althea, about her behavior? Think you can fix her up?

  Dr. Mumford : What do you think's wrong with her?

  Jeremy Brockett : She's gone *weird* is what's wrong with her. She's out of control. Probably from living out here in "Mayberry, RFD". But you're the doctor. What do you think?

  Dr. Mumford : She seems very unhappy.

  Jeremy Brockett : [Sarcastically]  I think we all knew that, "professor". But the question - the real "quest-e-oni" - is why?

• Skip Skipperton : Somebody's taking a shower down there.

  Dr. Mumford : That'd be Lily.

  Skip Skipperton : I wish I could live in the shower. I'd take five a day if I had time. I went to this spa in Germany, a sanitarium practically, up on this mountain. The great thing: they just kept you wet, all day.