9 November 2010 | lor_
Hard-to-watch, unfunny porn comedy
John Seeman, insufferable in UP IN FLAMES, is at it again in ISLAND OF DR. LOVE, hamming it up to a fare-thee-well. I bet every time he came on the screen porn addicts headed for the concession stand when this junker was new.
Revived on Vol. 87 of Something Weird's Dragon Art Theatre series, this misleadingly titled opus is a corny tale about an inheritance. Daddy Sussman (Seeman) gives ugly duckling daughter Pam (Jane Lindsay) 30 days to conceive a child, or she'll be written out of his will. The old codger (Seeman once again in terrible makeup, only his dick seeming to still function properly) looks not long for this world, so Pam and hubby Rudy (Blair Harris, the only good-looking cast member of either sex) head to a doctor to see what's wrong.
He's a quack who wires them each up to some weird machine to record their responses to sex surrogate action. Pam is stuck with portly Michael Morrison, early in his career, while Liza Dwyer services Rudy.
The doc sends them to Hawaii to meet a "psychic" ex-doctor Steiger. In a quickie scene, included merely to justify the film's title (sort of) he tells them that the only way to conceive is to have Rudy get his sperm count up by paying for a hooker, and then capturing his semen in a container for future use in artificially inseminating Pam. Whew! Back home, Rudy heads to North Beach and comes back not with a prostitute but with an old high school girl friend Veruschka (Andrea Lange, also at the beginning of her career).
Hurried finale has a couple of stupid plot twists which might have seemed clever at a story conference, if in fact porn films have such conferences.
The only in-joke here worth noting is that for awhile it seems our couple can't conceive because Rudy is trained (this being pornworld, not Planet Earth) to withdraw his penis on cue for a money shot every time he makes love to Pam. The "low sperm count" explanation is saved till later.
Sloppy filmmaking has its share of cryptic elements, notably a transsexual stripper in Hawaii (with canned audience applause) in a segment that doesn't even qualify as filler. Soundtrack is terrible as usual, featuring a soulful sax version of the theme from SUMMER OF '42, Francis Lai's awful A MAN AND A WOMAN theme again and under "THE END" card yet another snatch of the theme from THE GODFATHER.