16 December 2014 | lor_
Insultingly inept wall-to-wall sex video
Contempt for the audience is on display in the pointless video THE NEWCOMERS. Of course current audiences are used to a steady diet of all-sex videos, but this early VHS-er jumped the gun on the race to the bottom of the barrel.
After a boring intro depicting the marital troubles of Bob Evans (no, not the sausage king but Steve Drake) and Laurie Evans (Cara Lott), the video's narrative comes to a complete halt. We are treated to a full 35-minute nonstop montage of intercut sex scenes, dull as dishwater. Most of these scenes involve characters in the video, yet to pad this interminable interlude, an extraneous scene from nowhere featuring Nick Random humping (presumably by process of elimination) Misty Dawn is tossed into the mix as if the audience knew what's happening. Director Roy Karch, near the beginning of a lengthy but undistinguished career, apparently thought a feature film (or video) was just a bunch of footage slapped together.
The wasted performers (I hope they got paid at least) include Shaun Michele as Ricki, an AC/DC lesbian; Summer Rose as Tina, delivering her patented back door action as well as seducing Drake who is either her father or step-dad -it's not made clear (on purpose); and Peter North as Glen, Rose's boy friend who gets a sensual blow job from her that is the video's highlight.
Truly an embarrassing demonstration of incompetence that fortunately was made during the video era, as it would have really hurt to have been trapped in a movie theater suffering through this crap.