Heather Graham: Felicity Shagwell
Photos
Quotes
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Austin : Who sent you?
Mustafa : You have to kill me.
Austin : Who sent you?
Mustafa : Kiss my ass, Powers!
Austin : Who sent you?
Mustafa : Dr. Evil.
Felicity Shagwell : [Surprised] That was easy.
Austin : That was easy.
Felicity Shagwell : Why did you tell us?
Mustafa : I can't stand to be asked the same question three times. It just irritates me.
Austin : Where's Dr. Evil hiding?
Mustafa : Why would he tell me? I'm just one of his low-level functionaries.
Austin : Where's Dr. Evil hiding?
Mustafa : You'll have to torture me. I'll never tell you.
Austin : Where's Dr. Evil hiding?
Mustafa : Damn, three times. He's hiding in his secret volcano lair.
Austin : Where's Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair?
Mustafa : [spits] I spit at that question.
Austin : Do I really have to ask you two more times?
Mustafa : Go to hell, Powers.
Austin : Fine. Where is Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair?
Mustafa : I will take it to the grave with me!
Felicity Shagwell : Ah ha! You have to answer. He asked you three times.
Mustafa : No no no! The second question was 'Do I really have to ask you two more times?'. So that would be the first question in a new line of questioning, and wouldn't count in the other line of questioning.
Austin : He's right.
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Austin : [referring to Felicity sleeping with Fat Bastard] Well, how could you do it?
Felicity Shagwell : I was just doing my job.
Austin : No, I mean, literally, HOW could you do it? The man's so fat, the sheer mechanics of it are mind-boggling.
Felicity Shagwell : Look, don't try to lay your hang-ups on me just 'cause you lost your mojo.
Austin : Ouch, baby. Very ouch.
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Dr Evil : Well, looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers. Save the world, or save your girlfriend.
Felicity Shagwell : Austin!
Past Austin : Felicity!
Felicity Shagwell : Don't worry about me, Austin! You've got to save the world!
Austin : [arrives from the time machine] I choose love, baby!
Past Austin : Wait a tick. Who are you?
Austin : I'm you ten minutes from now.
Past Austin : Damn it. You are handsome, baby, yeah!
Austin : [laughs] I was just thinking the same.
Past Austin : We are sexy!
Austin : We are sexy bitches, yes!
Dr Evil : Alright, this is re-goddamn-diculous. Kill them both!
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[massaging Felicity]
Austin : How does that feel, baby?
Felicity Shagwell : Mmm, lower.
Austin : [deep voice] How does that feel, baby?
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Austin : Those are skin tight. How do you get into those pants, baby?
Felicity Shagwell : You can start by buying me a drink.
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Felicity Shagwell : Austin Powers, I presume.
Austin : Powers by name, powers by reputation.
Felicity Shagwell : Felicity Shagwell, CIA. Shagwell by name, shag-very-well by reputation.
Austin : Oh, be-have.
Felicity Shagwell : Not if I can help it.
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Felicity Shagwell : So Austin, tell me about the future.
Austin : Well everyone has their own flying car, entire meals come in pill form, and the Earth is run by damn dirty apes.
Felicity Shagwell : Oh my God!
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Felicity Shagwell : I want to see what happens in the 70s and 80s.
Austin : The 70s and the 80s? You're not missing anything, believe me. I've looked into it. There's a gas shortage and A Flock of Seagulls. That's about it.
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Austin : [the guard has just fallen in molten lava] What a burn.
[laughs]
Austin : That sort of thing could get a man fired.
[laughs]
Austin : I think he was hot for you.
[laughs]
Felicity Shagwell : That's enough.
Austin : Yeah.
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Austin : I've lost my mojo.
Felicity Shagwell : Oh, so that's why you.
Austin : Yes! Yes!
Felicity Shagwell : [smiles] I thought you didn't like me!
Austin : Oh no, baby. You're very shagadelic. I just didn't want to fall in love again, and I thought you'd never love me without my mojo. It's not you. You're fab, you're switched on, you're a bit of alright! YES!
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Felicity Shagwell : Move over, Rover. This chick is taking over.
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Austin : Hello, Mommy. Can I have some chocolates? I want some Mars Bars. Don't smack my bottom, Mommy.
Felicity Shagwell : Austin?
Austin : Sorry, love. I got stuck in your dirty pillows.
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Felicity Shagwell : How about one of your world-famous massages?
Austin : Y-Y-You mean a sensual massage? Right, then. Okay, uh, here we go. Yes.
Felicity Shagwell : [as he starts] Oh, wait a minute, something's itching me.
[undoing straps on her dress, revealing the small of her back]
Felicity Shagwell : That's better.
Austin : Crikey.
[he squeezes his bottle of massage oil, visually representing a premature ejaculation]
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Dr. Evil : Ah, Mr. Powers, Ms. Shagwell. Welcome to my hollowed-out volcano. This is my associate, Fat Bastard. Felicity, I think you two may have already
[air quotes]
Dr. Evil : "met".
Felicity Shagwell : Unfortunately.
Fat Bastard : Oh, is that all the thanks I get for the night of hot sex?
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Austin : According to this map, the entire island is crawling with Dr. Evil's guards.
Felicity Shagwell : I want to make sure the explosives didn't get wet, but I can't find them.
Austin : Look in the bottom.
Felicity Shagwell : Okay, I'll dig a little deeper.
[from the view outside their tent, their silhouettes make it look like she's removing items from his rear end]
Felicity Shagwell : Wow, this bag is really full.
Austin : Just keep digging, darling.
Felicity Shagwell : I'll just feel around for them.
[taking a rope out of the bag]
Felicity Shagwell : Good Lord, Austin. What sort of things do you keep in here?
Austin : Oh, anything that catches my fancy, you know. Give it a good tug.
Felicity Shagwell : [taking out an umbrella] Oh, do we really need this?
Austin : I'll ask you not to open that inside, thank you very much. Okay.
Felicity Shagwell : Sorry.
Private Army Soldier : [in disgust] Oh, my God.
Felicity Shagwell : [something gaseous goes off] Oops, it went off.
Austin : Yes, it does that from time to time.
Felicity Shagwell : [coughing from the contents of a smoke bomb] Ugh.
Austin : Yes.
Felicity Shagwell : Yuck.
Austin : Yeah, that's nasty. Yeah, sorry about that.
Felicity Shagwell : [trying to waft away the odor] Smelly.
Private Army Soldier : Oh, these people make me sick.
Austin : Can you snap me a beer?
[Felicity opens one and takes a drink, then shrieks]
Austin : What is it?
Felicity Shagwell : It's a gerbil. How did that get in your bag?
Austin : I... I don't know.
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Felicity Shagwell : We need to get past that one inept guard.
Austin : Right, here's the plan. What if I pretend to be desperately ill with food poisoning? The guard, drawn by my cries of pain, comes to investigate. Meanwhile, you dig a pit, line it with makeshift Punji sticks made from sharpened toothbrushes. The guard falls in, Bob's your uncle, we escape. What do you think?
Felicity Shagwell : That might work, but what about this?
[unhooking the front of her top, she flashes the guard]
Felicity Shagwell : What do you think of these, my man?
Guard at Jail Cell : Mommy!
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Fat Bastard : [after Felicity kicks Fat Bastard in the crotch] Oh. Right in the mommy daddy button.
Felicity Shagwell : That's for calling me crap, you fatty!
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Basil : Hello, Agent Shagwell. Where's Austin?
Felicity Shagwell : I must have said something wrong, so he just left all of a sudden.
Basil : Listen, Felicity, I don't want you getting too close to Austin. It's not meant to be.
Felicity Shagwell : I don't get too close to anybody, Basil. My interest in this case is purely professional.
Basil : Good. Then you won't mind tracking down Fat Bastard tonight.
Felicity Shagwell : No problem.
Basil : We need you to plant this homing device on him by any means necessary.
Felicity Shagwell : No problem.
Basil : Keep up the good work. Remember, by any means necessary.
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Austin : [dancing with Felicity] You're quite good on your feet.
Felicity Shagwell : I'm even better off my feet.
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Felicity Shagwell : [after sleeping with Fat Bastard] I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you would do in the same situation. You're the reason I became a spy. I thought that I wanted to be you, but then I realized that... I want to be with you.
Austin : You do?
Felicity Shagwell : Yeah.
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Felicity Shagwell : [Dr. Evil's moon base is set to self-destruct] We have to go. We have to go now.
Austin : My mojo! I'm useless without it.
Felicity Shagwell : But you don't need it. You've had it all along.
Austin : What do you mean?
Felicity Shagwell : You defeated Dr. Evil, you saved the world, and believe me, you're gonna get the girl.
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Austin : Felicity would never sleep with you. Right?
Felicity Shagwell : I did what I had to do. I'm a secret agent.
Austin : What?
Fat Bastard : Ohh...
[pantomiming rubbing tears from his eyes]
Fat Bastard : Boo hoo.
Dr. Evil : All right, that's enough, Fat Bastard. As much as I like seeing Powers in agony - and I do - the thought of you naked is just gross.
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Felicity Shagwell : Do you think I'll be happy here in the '90s?
Austin : Well, I know the '90s might sound boring, but as far as I'm concerned, I've brought the best part of the '60s back with me. You.
