15 April 2011 | lor_
Joe Sarno hits rock bottom
BEDROOM THIGHS is formula boredom-porn that marks a low point for Joe Sarno, at least so far for me as I excavate through his incompetent videos of the '80s. Even the most dedicated Sarno apologist will upchuck at this one.
Danielle, who starred & excelled in a quality Sarno film HOT STUFF, is punished as top dog in this farrago, a shot-on-video wall-to-wall sex opus. IMDb has never figured out the proper use of its (V) category (for direct-to-videos), so the shot-on-film HOT STUFF gets a V but this BEDROOM THIGHS fiasco of low-definition videography doesn't. Go figure.
Hiding behind the pseudonym "Francis Healy", and issued wisely with no writing credit whatsoever, Joe uses his corniest format: three gal pals who become roommates in Manhattan. It's a fall-back position that translates to minimal sets and even less plot.
Danielle has just taken a 1-year lease on an apartment on Jane St. in the West Village, probably because her character is named Jane. She has beautiful Siobhan Hunter as a roommate, and they entertain guys there. That sounds like a stag loop, and that's how this 83-minute junker plays, with a big mirror by the bed to add "depth" to the sex action.
Their friend Carol Cross has a boyfriend, Sarno regular Michael Knight, who Danielle steals away. This creates only a minor amount of conflict, as by video's end all three girls are shacked up together on Jane St.
Knight gets a few lines of dialog but Mike DeLong and Rod Retta barely show up on screen, essentially used as sex objects for the gals by Joe. Low point of the video is when the maestro yells (it's left in the final cut for posterity): "Stop talking and eat her", when either Rod or Mike (I couldn't tell which) is mumbling dirty-sweet-nothings at Siobhan instead of doing his job.
The latter-day Joe trademarks are here: girls wearing high heels during sex, plus the usual black stockings & garter belts; plus the lame attempt at opening out the claustrophobic video by having the leading lady (Danielle) wandering around the streets between sex sequences. It's wintertime with snow everywhere as she passes the balanced cube statue on Astor Place in the East Village, nowhere near Jane St.
Redhead Carol Cross has her moments, not in the acting department but in the sexual arena. Siobhan Hunter is truly lovely, but Danielle gets short shrift in this one, not recommended to her fans. Oddest touch is an avoidance of group sex at all costs; every time a third party joins in one of the original couple having sex discreetly leaves.