26 October 2010 | lor_
Crude, down & dirty basic porn
Alpha Blue Archives advertises it as "Teenage Coed" but the screen title is TEENAGE COEDS, non-story of an ugly young girl studying for a test, and the schoolmates she hangs out with. It's poorly made, ugly filler aimed at, alas, an audience supposedly eager to watch anything that would run through a projector.
The opening credits are displayed in a 1975 high school yearbook, but the poor, washed-out quality of the VHS to DVD transfer used by ABA means they might as well have been typed with invisible ink. The GOLDFINGER theme plays (minus Shirley Bassey) as we're introduced to heroine Nikki, a mousey type who unfortunately during the first sex scene reveals a posterior covered with pimples -typical of the "dirty feet" school of filmmaking where body makeup is unheard of.
A Muzak version of the Moody Blues' "Nights in White Satin" plays as her blonde classmate has a mixed combo scene with a big black dude named Freeman, and then Nikki joins in for a three-way. The rest of the film is tedious, unappealing sex filler including lesbian sex leading inevitably to Nikki servicing her Prof. Smith after she flunks the big test -he will kindly "help her" with her grade. We don't find out if he was sincere, since the film naturally ends as soon as Smith ejaculates.
Once again, we have here another test of the sincerity of a new audience that proudly proclaims a "so bad it's good philosophy". They can only say that because they're not exposed to the thousands of mediocre efforts like this one that mock that ridiculous notion.