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  • Reviewing "The Billionaire's Blondes", an unusual condensation of one of those many 1990s porno 2-part movies, in this case "The Blonde and the Beautiful, Parts 1 & 2".

    Before DVDs took over at the end of the decade, the VHS rental market at Adult Video Stores thrived on the New Releases section, not unlike current streaming services like Netflix and Apple + attracting users with a steady stream of new content. Producers started shooting extra sex scenes to pad each feature, and then releasing it in two separate tapes, doubling the new items artificially.

    But here from Las Vegas Video Entertainment we have a 150-minute two parter squeezed into a condensed 100-minute release retitled "The Billionaire's Blondes", with eight sex scenes edited down to fit. It plays well and gives 8 instead of just 4 XXX scenes for fans to endure.

    As the original title suggests, we have a soap opera, riffing on "The Bold and the Beautiful". Bad news is that the script has ridiculously overwritten and repetitive dialogue, always sounding artificial, especially when recited by a cast of seasoned porno talent. And the story line is extremely corny and lacking in any suspense.

    It concerns three brothers, all unlikable characters. Randy West is the eldest, inheriting a fortune worth $6 billion (that would have put him in the Top Ten of the richest people in the world at that time), and supporting his shiftless brothers Marc Wallice and Steve Drake. We are told at least three times during the movie (remember -it's condensed) of his scheme to get his bros to support themselves, a dumb ruse by which they think he's dying of a blood disease with only a year left to live. Supposedly that will encourage them to become self-reliant as he plans to disinherit them (this makes no sense but so what?).

    The lengthy cast of blondes makes this junk watchable, though even in condensed form it's boring. Highlight is a battle of the big busts, as Drake's two girlfriends Taylor Wayne and Rebecca Wild are at first mad at each other but very quickly segue to hot lesbian sex in order to get back at the two-timer. Quite a feast of tits, and with the cute touch that both blonde bombshells have prominent beauty marks on their kissers.

    Also in the cast are Nina Hartley as Randy's ex-fiancee, Deidre Holland as Wallice's girlfriend, Stephanie DuValle as secretary to Randy's lawyer Dick Nasty -merely in the cast to provide some anal sex content, and Nikki Shane as a nymphette who's a gold-digger who mistakes Randy's valet Mike Horner for the billionaire, and Mike is only too happy to hump her under false pretenses.

    IMDb's garbled credits list one Jennifer Tillett as playing "Fan" in Part 2, but there is no such credit or role.