Three Giant Men (1973) User Reviews (17)

In Turkey Captain America and Santo battle Spiderman

[dbborroughs · 5/10 · 20 September 2005]

Turkish cinema, gotta love it. Where else in the world can you get copyright infringement films that make you smile from ear to ear? In this film Marvel Comics hero Spiderman becomes a bad guy trying to take over the world. He is battled by Captain America (in possibly the best suit every put on screen) and Santo, the Mexican wrestler and movie star. The action is great as is some of nastiness that Spidey inflicts on his victims (The opening boat propeller to the face is a nice touch). As Turkish superhero movies go its pretty good, though the print I saw was sans any English so it was hard to know what was going on and it made the dialog scenes drag.

Not the best of the Turkish cinema I've run across, and certainly not the worst. If you run across it and are curious about the madness that Turkish film makers have unleashed on their audiences give it a try. Also give it a try if you're a comic book fan who worries what Hollywood will do to your favorite creation. One Look at this film and you'll never complain they got something wrong again.

I can't even comprehend what I just watched

[pughspencer · 4/10 · 1 August 2022]

It's got Spider-Man as a crime lord choking women in bathtubs, Captain America karate kicking guys to kingdom come, not to mention the James Bond theme, what more could you ask for?

Deep within Turkey..... a woman's purse, Captain America, flag on the moon.

[CelluloidRehab · 3/10 · 7 April 2007]

One of the most auspicious movie starts in history, yet a walk in the park for movies coming out of Turkey. I thought I had seen everything Turkey had to offer. From Turkish Star Trek and Star Wars to Turkish Superman to Turkish Young Frankenstein. I was not prepared for a mostly green Spiderman, with a red hood and giant, untrimmed eyebrows.

This isn't your Marvel Spiderman though. Turkish Spiderman is leader of a gang. His whole racket involves smuggling artifacts from Turkey to the US, selling them cheaply to dealers and then buying them back with fake money. The opening scene is of Spidey and his gang building a hole in the sand, dropping some woman in a night gown into it and then pushing a boat (the motor is on, propeller spinning) into her face. The Spider (as he is called in Turkey) has no powers whatsoever. He knows movie martial arts, is quite the escape artist and tends to sneak up on people. His primary weapons include a 2-inch knife, a shower head, shish-kabobing people and a complicated torture device involving hamsters. Welcome to Turkey !!

Aytekin Akkaya is Turkish Steve Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America (minus a shield which would have cost extra). You may remember him from Turkish Star Wars. Sadly I cannot forget seeing his shirtless performance as he bounced around on the screen. His partners include a luchidore who stores everything in the crotch of his tights and a female secretarial assistant (who does most of the undercover work). Their mission is to stop the Green menace (thank you Jonas).

This is truly an exercise in Turkish 70's film making. Turkish movies often remind me of the old movie serials (Flash Gordon, Batman and Robin,etc). They seem to be made on the cheap, poorly edited, poorly acted and done very quickly, often with little regard for intellectual property (the music seems to be from a James Bond movie). It is as if this is Turkey's attempt at mimicking the exploitation movies coming out of the US and/or the martial arts movies coming out of Asia. Exploitation is definitely what this movie is going for. It has all the elements for grind-house: a striptease (with pasties), graphic violence, shower scenes in underwear, crappy disco music, sex and alcohol. Well what did you expect, Turkey is a much different place? What was tame for us was probably raunchy for them. Context people, context.

As with all the 70's Turkish movies I have seen, I cannot take them seriously. I find them quite amusing along with the lingering misogynistic undertones (seems like more women died in this movie than men). There also seems to be a lot of time spent in showing running, driving and chasing. If you have never seen a Turkish movie, try to get one with the appropriate subtitles. Understanding the dialog will only help you slightly, as the plots and edits are "complicated" (not to mention the cultural differences). I have seen Turkish movies without the subtitles and I can tell you it gets pretty confusing (Turkish Star Wars, I'm looking at you).

These movies would have been prime candidates for MST3k. If only that were still possible. Maybe in an alternate universe. Until then, make mine a double whiskey. It's for the pain.

Spider Man is killing people with his fantastic superpowers! Er, switchblade.

[cornjob-2 · 31 October 2002]

So here's an odd movie. Spider Man is a bad guy. And his mask is radically different. And he has these massive eyebrows--or maybe they were antenna? Anyhow, this has nothing to do with everybody's favorite webslinger. Technically, he is called Spider Man and kinda dresses like him, but instead uses the awesome powers of a switchblade to kill people and steal statues. Oh, and I think he can clone himself whenever he dies. Maybe. Didn't make much sense at the time.

Come to combat this villain are the awesome duo of Captain America and El Santo. For those of you not up on your lucha libre, El Santo is the most famous Mexican wrestler of all time, having starred in approximately 100 movies in his forty-year career. The silver-masked man revealed his identity only a month before he died and was laid to rest in his cloak and cowl. Anyhow, they're fighting Spider Man. At least Captain America (not an American by any means) is, since El Santo isn't in this too much. After a few rumbles, good is triumphant.

Worth a see? Definitely, if you like your cheese thick and incomprehensible (as detailed previously, there are no English dubbed or subtitled prints). It's no classic, but it is fun if you've got a wad of meat in each shoe (I never did understand that saying). Don't look too hard, but if you're in the back of a small, locally owned video store and this falls off a shelf onto your head, rent it.

Spider-Man of Turkey?

[emasterslake · 5/10 · 14 July 2011]

I've heard a lot about this movie, and it's one of those you'd have to watch it to believe, cause what I'm about to describe sounds baffling for a movie like this to exist.

Spider Man who was known as a hero in America is portrayed as a villain in this movie. In a poorly designed costume with no eye pieces to cover his actual eyes. The one thing that makes this Spider-Man look unusual is his large eye lashes. I don't think Spider Man has ever been depicted that way in any comic from my knowledge. Anyways Spider Man is causing crime in Turkey so Captain America and Santos(yes as in the wrestler) came to Turkey to defeat him.

Not a lot to say about it other than it's unusual and low budget. Every the opening of the movie was low budget. The one thing I'd love to know is does Spider-Man have a good reputation in Turkey or is this how people see Spider Man in Turkey. I don't know that answer for sure. Cause I wonder if the Director or writer of this movie have anything against Spider-Man. No one knows for sure, so all I could do is speculate that the director and writer hated him so much they decided to make a movie to show every one in Turkey how horrible he is. But why's Captain America portray as good and not Spider Man. They're from the same comic company. While Santos was thrown in cause he's a big celebrity in the country of Turkey.

For die hard Spider-Man fans this is a laugh riot and to non fans of Spider-Man this is still funny to watch.

A rip-off times three!

[planktonrules · 2/10 · 10 July 2021]

During the 1970s, Turkey did not enforce copyright laws and their film industry routinely ripped off American movies. There are Turkish versions of "Star Wars", "Star Trek" as well as MANY superhero films with Marvel and DC characters in them. Sadly, most of these are not available with English subtitles, but fortunately "3 Dev Adam" is and it's on YouTube.

When the story begins, you learn that the evil Spider Gang (led by a guy wearing a Spiderman outfit) has come to Turkey. They are so evil that the Mafia is even afraid of them. The USA has also sent Captain America to help the Turks and Mexico has sent Santo, the masked Mexican luchador. Oddly, you see this faux Santo without his mask in the opening scene...something you'd NEVER see in any of the many Mexican Santo pictures. In fact, during much of the film he's maskless. Heck, in the Mexican films he even bathes and goes out on dates without removing the mask....so having him without one seems like sacrilege!!

So is this any good? No,...it's pretty terrible and amateurish. The film lacks much in the way of story and essentially is one sloppy fight after another. The acting and production values are also pretty terrible. Also, while I cannot blame the filmmakers, the copy on YouTube is in terrible shape with bleeding colors, washed out scenes and it's a bit blurry. It needs restoration, though I couldn't imagine anyone caring to do so!

In spite of the rottenness of the film, is it worth seeing? For most people, no. However, if you enjoy laughing at bad films or enjoy having friends over so you all can laugh at them together, this one has some value. However, it's also pretty dull as well...even with all the masked rip-off characters. My score of 2 might be a bit high...but it is better than a few other Turkish rip-off films I have seen, so a score of 1 didn't feel right.

The greatest superhero movie ever?

[BandSAboutMovies · 7/10 · 29 November 2017]

In the world of Turkish cinema, Spider-Man leads a gang of counterfeiter who use murders people with outboar dmotors, axes and man-eating guinea pigs. Santo is a secret agent who rarely wears his mask and puts things directly into his pants, pockets by damned. And Captain America doesn't have a shield, smokes and brings his girlfriend, Julia, along.

Just strap yourself in — 3 Giant Men is a ride into insanity, the kind of world that Sergeant Joe Friday worried about when kids in the 60's started doing LSD and jumping out of windows.

Istanbul! The Spider's Gang — led by Spider-Man — are taking over. They cut the head off of a woman with a boat propeller to start the movie off right.

The film then kicks into the craziest title sequence ever — they basically filmed a board of photographs, pulling out on image after image, with the type for each credit simply vinyl type on a board.

Julia, Captain America's girlfriend, is captured but is able to send a distress call to Cap, who rescues her but can't catch Spider-Man after a battle through a graveyard. Captain America is played by Aytekin Akkaya, who was Ali in Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam (better known as Turkish Star Wars) and Ukan in Yor, the Hunter from the Future.

I'd like to inform all of you right now that Spider-Man has the biggestt eyebrows you've ever seen. He can also die and come back to life with no lasting damage, for some reason. He also gets his men to drop off what I can only refer to as mini-tents near mafia bases, emerging from them to kill other gangs.

Meanwhile, Santo infiltrates a dojo known for counterfeiting. Santo's fight style is to basically no sellkicks to the face and do rolls and judo. So, you know, nothing at all like he real Santo. He also likes to look right at the camera whenever he is film. I could watch Santo fight karate men for hours and hours of my life. Santo gets captured, but escapes with the evidence. He and Cap raid a hideout while Spider-Man kills a woman in the shower.

Spidey calls out the dude who let Santo escape, punishing him by putting a tube over his head and letting two guinea pigs EAT HIS FACE. Sorry to scream, this movie this movie is just one shock after the other. Spidey tops it off by watching couple shower (!), killing them by stabbing them together ala Jason Vorhees to Jeff and Sandra in Friday the 13th Part 2 (!!) and then stealing a statue that has no importance toward the rest of the movie (!!!).

Yes. If you are keeping score, Spider-Man has two different shower based kill scenes in this movie. If you like your Peter Parker murderous, then this flick is for you. But wait what would make this movie better? If you answered watching Spider-Man have sex while surrounded by frightening puppets, then you are on the same wavelength as the insane people who made this movie. You should really speak to someone or be on one of this lists where you have to announce yourself to all of your neighbors when you move.

Santo and Captain America then battle Spider-Man again, where we find out that there are four Spideys, several of which die horribly. After some undercover work at a club — the same club we keep seeing with a girl in shadow spinning boob tassles — Spider-Man's goons kidnap our heroes. They fight one another, but it's all a clever ruse, as they kill almost all of the gang members, including Spider-Man's girlfriend (who is not Mary Jane Watson, Gwen Stacy, Felicia Hardy, Betty Brant, Carlie Cooper or Liz Allen).

There's a battle that doesn't stop until every Spider-Man is dead. Spideys get knocked off ladders, their necks broken and crushed by presses. It's an orgy of Spider destruction, highlighted by Captain America's trademark offense: one footed dropkicks , face slaps and punches to the belly.

But just as Cap is about to leave town, he sees one more Spidey. However, it's just a kid in a mask.

I don't know if it's possible to love a movie as much as I love 3 Giant Men. Today's superhero movies fail to capture the majesty of this film. It answers the big questions, the ones no one had the guts to ask or care about. Cap punching Spider in the breadbasket? It's in there. Santo powerbombing goons and then putting them into submission holds in a nightclub? Yes. Wacky asides with comical music? Yes. A Cap that smokes and wears a leisure suit? Evet.

3 Giant Men comes in at 78 minutes of what I can only imagine being in a coma and pumped full of iowaska would feel like. Everyone knows all about Japanese Spider-Man Takuya Yamashiro (they do, right?), but laughing, killing, giant eyebrow having Turkish Spider-Man? He is the greatest villain ever in the best superhero movie ever made.

Yikes! Must Be Seen To Be Believed

[shark-43 · 9/10 · 21 October 2003]

What a movie! The turks in the 1970's would put any bit of any country's pop culture and whir it in a blender and shoot it. This film has a homicidally insane Spiderman in a costume that looks like the director's elderly mother made with a rusty sewing machine and poor eyesight. Another great scene - the guy who is Capn America stops and talks on the side of a busy road WHILE CHANGING INTO HIS CAPTAIN AMERICA SUIT!!!(so much for secret identity) There is awful fight scenes - truly so bad that you laugh your head off. The clothes and hairstyles are stunningly ugly. Amazing. For true cheese lovers. Recommended!

Huh... did Turkish Jonah Jameson make this?

[williemanga150 · 7/10 · 2 April 2014]

For a Turkish movie adaptation of a comic book, you wouldn't really know what to expect. The one thing I didn't expect this movie to do is make such a popular character... nothing like him. 3 Dev Adam, or Three Giant Men, or Turkish Spider-Man as fans refer to it as. I'm not gonna address much of the plot, because it's a foreign film. It's not that I don't like foreign films (In fact, I love Felidae), I just don't speak Turkey, so I can't get much out of it. So the 3 Dev Adam in this are Spider-Man, Captain America and Santo. But this time Spider-Man is a sinister assassin who... is trying to take over the world, I guess? Wow, Jonah Jameson was right about this one; he really is a menace. It's up to Santo and Cap to foil his evil plans. Now, I know it's the seventies, but even then, this movie was pretty strange. Though, I got to appreciate it because of how funny it is. In a sex scene, it cuts to some guy laughing and playing with... gnomes? Can someone please explain to me what the h*** is going on?? At least the music is good; pretty catchy for the 70s. The quality is okay for a 70s movie, but the SpiderMan costume is pretty silly; it looks far from what the cover of the movie shows it as. There's a bit of blood, not too much, but some of the killings are pretty shocking, including one where a white rat eats a man's face off (barely shown), or SpiderMan gets his head crushed, but I digress. I'd rate this PG-13 for blood and brief sexuality; not too inappropriate. I personally rate this 7 stars out of 10; it's not a masterpiece by any means, but it does provide some enjoyment, whether or not you can figure out what the actors are saying.

Weirder than you could ever imagine

[massiveapple · 5 August 2003]

It's your unfriendly neighbourhood Spiderman! But he's green! And he's in Turkey! And he's ripped a hole in his mask so you can see his bushy eyebrows! And he can't shoot webs anymore! Or climb up walls! Peter Parker must have been bitten by ANOTHER radioactive spider or something, presumably while on holiday in Turkey, because suddenly he's EVIL and likes nothing better than chopping people up with a knife, skewering them in the shower, and, especially, doing lame ass kung-fu on them.

You know this film is going to be amazing when - BEFORE THE OPENING CREDITS - Spidey buries a girl up to her neck on the beach, then gets two blokes in a boat to reverse the outboard motor blades into her face. Seems the cops were right all along to be suspicious of that ol' web-slinger. Then those opening credits -- photographs (like actual paper photographs) taken on the set have been stuck on a wall next to fridge-magnet letters spelling out the title, and the camera zooms away from them very quickly...this passes for special effects in 70s Turkish cinema. The theme tune has exactly the same melody as "Diamonds Are Forever". There is no Turkish word for "copyright violation" - as if the psycho slasher Spiderman wasn't proof of that already.

As if that wasn't enough, wait -- Evil Spidey is terrorizing Istanbul, so who's the best person to call to deal with the problem? Captain America of course! (well it makes more sense than trusting in the hapless raincoated detective who gets sliced up by Spiderman - who then looks into the camera and says "ho ho ho ho ho. Adios!") Oh, and also Santo, the masked Mexican wrestler. Santo is a trifle fatter than his Mexican version, but at least his blank face mask can be replicated easily - Captain America is a tougher task for the costume designer (who, looking at the costumes, is almost certainly the director's mum). He has the "A" on his head, but he has no shield -- then again, Spidey has no webs, so that evens things out.

You have to see this movie. If necessary, go to Turkey to see it. Even better than the notorious Turkish remake of "Star Wars", and a 500% improvement on the recent Hollywood Spiderman. Did Spidey gruesomely murder a lovemaking couple in that movie? Well exactly.

Absolutely incredible Turkish comic book adventure

[Leofwine_draca · 6/10 · 16 March 2012]

Typically hilarious Turkish outing, as so-bad-it's-good as you could ever want, full of incredible scenes of action and surprises at every turn. Ignore the language barrier and instead focus on the nonstop entertainment this film has to offer, with bad actors beating each other senseless at every opportunity in poorly-choreographed fight sequences, displaying a lack of talent all round. Knowing that quality isn't always important in Turkish movies is a help, and instead watch for the sheer quantity of wackiness this film has to offer.

Offering not one, not two but three classic superheroes, this is an unmissable combination. First of all you have Captain America, who doubles as an everyday guy with a fine line in bad '70s fashions, as played by Aytekin Akkaya (THE MAN WHO SAVES THE WORLD) in true old-fashioned heroic style with plenty of derring-do. Then there's the muscular but masked Santo, that fantastic Mexican wrestler-hero who appears to beat up a fair few bad guys before mysteriously disappearing towards the end of the movie. And what of Spider-Man? Well, forget the crusader of good - here, here's a pervert, a peeping tom who likes nothing better than to brutally murder innocent women in the shower.

Yes, this film surprisingly mixes in comic-book style action with pretty graphic scenes of violence and murder, scenes which include a double-impaling a la BAY OF BLOOD; a strangulation with a shower cord a boat propeller being driven into a girl's face and blood splattering another woman's legs; a guy getting his head crushed in a press; another decapitated by a speeding boxcar (seeing as there is a huge space below him, he forgot to duck, obviously), and in the film's flawless highlight, a guy gets his eyes chewed out... by a pair of ravenous GUINEA PIGS!

The plot is typical heroes vs. villains stuff, so easy to follow that a kid could understand. Padding includes lots of women undressing and showering in scenes that definitely push the no-nudity ruling, a striptease in a nightclub and people driving around in cars for no reason. However, the action sequences are extended and a lot of fun to watch, like the moment when Santo takes on a bunch of karate warriors in the local gym and teaches them wrestling Mexican-style. Or check out the "titanic ding dong" when Captain America and Santo team up to go one on one with Spider-Man. The ending is a real show-stopper as well, revealing that there is not just one evil Spider-Man but dozens, each with their own maniacal laughter, and each dying a death more bizarre than the last.

Keep your eyes peeled for an interlude involving laughing puppet heads which may just be an insight into the deranged sickening mind of the perverted Spider-Man. Bad costumes, bad lighting, bad sets, bad acting, bad action, bad plot. On their own, each of these would be serious flaws in a movie. Combined, they offer eighty minutes worth of unintentional hilarity and an incredible viewing experience. You've just gotta love those Turks...

One of the Greatest Movies of All Time: NOW WITH English SUBTITLES!

[catpooptv · 10/10 · 21 March 2006]

I love this movie. It is one of my all-time favorite films. Now, it is finally being released on DVD with English subtitles by Onar Films. Google Onar Films to order your copy in early April 2006.

3 Dev Adam is, of course, also known as "Captain America and Santo Vs. Spider-Man" here in the United States. When I first read the review for 3 Dev Adam I thought at first that there had to be some sort of mistake. It was like a dream come true for me. Captain America AND Santo?! AND Spider-Man?!

When I was a kid Captain America was my favorite comic book super hero and Santo was my favorite real life super hero/Mexican wrestler. Now, to finally have a chance to own a good copy on DVD with English subtitles and a bunch of extras... man, I can't wait.

Captain America and Mexican wrestler Santo battle an evil Spiderman in Istanbuhl. * Warning! Not suitable for children!

[haagis · 12 October 1999]

Priceless statues are being stolen all over Istanbuhl(?). Looks like the work of that infamous, murdering Spiderman. The police call in special outside help in Captain America from the United States and the legendary Mexican wrestler Santo.

It's anyone's guess why Spidey's turned to a life of crime, what the significance of all the stolen art is, or if those are his bangs or his eyebrows sticking out of the holes in his mask. He's also traded-in his web-shooters for a slick little switch-blade,and can quickly clone himself if he's killed (that part gets real tiresome after a while). Captain America is missing his trusty shield and Santo's wrestling skills resemble Flintstone judo.

In fact, nothing seems to make sense at all in this live-action cartoon that makes Tim Burton's 'Batman' look as tame as the 60's TV series. Dozens of people are killed needlessly, sudden jump-cuts take you to sleazy strip clubs, and there's a love scene that's interrupted by the Mr. Rogers' puppets. Even worse, it's all in Turkish. No version in English or English subtitles is available. I'm not painting a pretty pictures here, I know. But I can say it is, without a doubt , one of the BIGGEST film oddities the world over.

Nice

[ygtknesen · 10/10 · 16 March 2024]

Making such a film under the conditions of Türkiye at that time is a great achievement with such a small budget. All superheroes have a well-thought-out and beautiful super villain, a very entertaining high-quality, never boring script is a very successful production. According to the conditions of Türkiye at that time, it takes great courage to make such a film, it is a very successful and beautiful movie. The cast is very good, very successful, did a very good job, the director is a very high-quality director, and this was one of his high-quality movies. According to the economy at that time, it was a very good box office success.

Spidey Sense Tingling Because This Weird Movie Sucks!

[JasonDanielBaker · 3 January 2012]

This funky Turkish interpretation of graphic novel lore has Spider-Man as an ultra mean bad guy running a gang of thugs in Istanbul on the wrong side of town. He has none of his Spider powers, which I guess is why he is so angry, but makes up for some of it via his ruthlessness and a peculiar ability to come from the dead - multiple times.

In fact Spider-Man while noticeably less agile looks as though he has let himself go a bit and is a tad flabby (What we in Canada refer to as "Molson Muscle"). His costume has some noticeable signs of wear and tear as well and his bushy eyebrows peak out of eye slits in his mask.

Could it be that the makers of this film got their accounts of Spider-Man's exploits only from the slanderous accounts provided by that yellow journalism scandal-sheet the Daily Bugle? If they read the comics they would know that Spider-Man/Peter Parker would never use his powers for evil. What would his Aunt May think of him? Worse what would the spirit of his Uncle Ben think? Clearly this baddie is just some dude who ordered an ill-fitting, cheap imitation Spider-Man costume and couldn't get his money back.

A rather improbable team up of Captain America (Akkaya) and Santo (Selekman) the wrestler/superhero track the Spider Gang to Turkey after Spider-Man's counterfeiting scheme in Mexico leaves a trail of angry people on both sides of the law. Cap's famous shield evidently didn't clear Turkish customs as we don't see it. But his girlfriend Julia came with him to help.

This film is so spectacularly wrong on so many levels as to show the value of copyright protection as preservation of artistic integrity more than proper assignment of royalties. Turkey, then under the control of a military junta in a chaotic struggle with terrorist groups and engaged in a brutal suppression of leftist elements offered no such copyright protection to products of comic book heroism or Western entertainment.

Like the Turkish version of Star Wars and Star Trek the staging of a rip-off like this utterly defies logic. Why not just dub or subtitle the Spider-Man cartoon and Santo movies into Turkish? Or better yet why just make a completely original set of characters with Turkish identities?

There is low-grade production value and then there is no-grade production value. What is shown here is beyond what Hollywood producers would deem incredibly cheap though the cast soldiers on even with the various continuity errors and other goofs.

It doesn't look like they were given a safe working environment to shoot under but really what does that even mean when the Turkish government was rounding up people - very much including artists and locking them up for even being suspected of having leftist sympathies?

In one scene where Captain America rescues Julia from the baddies at the Spider gang's safe-house we see a pretty silly action sequence. Hanging from conveniently placed acrobat rings, Cap attempts to heel-kick one of the baddies behind him but the stunt guys must have messed up the timing because he misses. The thug falls anyway and from the angle of the shot it looks as though the villainous henchman has been knocked unconscious by a devastating, explosive fart to the face from the hero.

Captain America's subsequent fight with Spider-Man betrays the fact that Cap is, for whatever reason, a lot more acrobatic than Spidey. El Santo is, by contrast to Spider-Man in considerably better shape than we have seen him and unlike the real Santo, generally goes unmasked. Santo in the Mexican movies he was hero of was never seen in public without his mask.

The comedic possibilities offered in Santo's time on screen are rife as he infiltrates a dogo serving as a front for the Spider Gang, discovers incriminating papers in a back office and stuffs them in his tights in a manner which looks as though he has done it to make his crotch bulge look bigger.

Unintentional humor throughout offers countless openings for snide one-liners and sarcasm. But no one needs to say anything as this Turkish rip-off lampoons itself so perfectly.

"Spider Is A Child-Minded Lunatic!"...

[azathothpwiggins · 14 May 2021]

In THREE GIANT MEN, the eeevil Spider-Man (Teyfik Sen) is up to no good once more, causing mayhem by flooding the world with counterfeit cash, while absconding with ancient artifacts. He even takes down the mafia with karate and a penknife!

Can no one stop Anti-Spidey from weaving his web of terror?

Enter Captain America (Aytekin Akkaya), who must combat the awful arachnid and his goons, leading to a battle royale in a cemetery, where each and every glorious punch sounds like a cabbage being crushed by a manhole cover!

Enter "Special Agent" Santo (Yavus Selekman), the caped, silver-masked wrestler, who fights his kung fu adversaries with his patented, wrestling fu moves. Can this shirtless wonder help Captain America to rid us of Spider-Man and his cretinous cronies?

Our heroes' encounter with an army of Spider-Man imposters is historic!

AMAZING FACTS ABOUT THIS FILM: #1- Everyone who bathes, wears underpants throughout the entire process! #2- The men's mustaches are so thick that only tin snips could possibly trim them! #3- Guinea Pigs are fierce, horrible creatures, used for torture! #4- Strip clubs are not only the perfect cover for counterfeiting operations, but also serve as excellent storage facilities for wayward mannequins! #5- Spooky puppets enjoy watching lovers in the throes of passion! #6- Strip club owners carry guns that fire slow-motion superballs! #7- Spider-Man's eyebrows weigh in at 12-lb.s a piece, and render him impervious to -most- head trauma!

This magnificent film belongs to the world, my friends! Let us all enjoy it!