17 March 2014 | natashabowiepinky
Folks, we're entering Ed Wood territory here...
Forget everything you ever knew about dragons. They aren't majestic fire-breathing creatures that soar through the sky. They're pathetic rubber costumed freaks who stumble about making daft noises. At least, they are in Bonnie Scotland, where this film is set (but I'll eat my proverbial hat if it was actually shot there). It's the pet of a little Yank with a bowlcut, and it's up to him to save it from The Dark Knight( no, not THAT one) or the armour-clad one will use it's blood to TAKE OVER THE WORLD with his evil sorcery (funny, I thought only magicians could use magic). Altogether now... dun...dun... DUN!!
We get an early taste of the horrors to come, when we see the dragon as a babe in a flashback. As bad as the adult size version is, the sheer ineptitude of this barely animated puppet is beyond belief. If this is material culled from a prequel, it's probably playing non-stop in Hell right now. As it stands, at least we only have to tolerate some guy in a stupid outfit knocking stuff over and getting lost in the woods. A miserable creation no doubt, but a FAR more enticing prospect than the abomination the prologue would suggest.
Aside from that, its dodgy Scottish accents ahoy... as each member of the cast tries to rival each other in Highland caricatures. With the exception of a beastly English social worker who wants to take the American moppet away from his adoptive family... My guess is, when selecting the actress for the role their sole criteria was to go for the one with the most grisly face and nastiest scowl. Mission accomplished. There's also lots of mumbo-jumbo about Celtic tradition, non-stop bagpipe 'music' on the soundtrack, chirpy chirpy cheap cheap CGI and a short running time at 75 minutes.
I can also report it takes just 75 seconds to stamp the disc to oblivion, before inserting the pieces into the nearest bin. I would sell it on, but where would I fight another mug like me now? 3/10