Various Characters: [Dating Agency Video] I'm looking for a man who's really attractive, but doesn't know it. Who's really sensitive, but can be really tough when I want. Who's got a high powered job, but isn't motivated by money. Who's got a big penis, but doesn't feel like he has to use all of it. And he's got to be able to fly.

Various Characters: [OCD Doctor] I don't want to look at your stitches!

Various Characters: ["Run around" song] Thinking is for wankers; we're born, we dance, we die!

Various Characters: Sorry, my boyfriend just dumped me, can I borrow yours?

Various Characters: I like crossing my eyes until I see a big purple monster.

Various Characters: I've married a rock star!

Various Characters: Oh, well done!

Various Characters: [Vet] So this is?

Various Characters: Harry.

Various Characters: And Harry is...?

Various Characters: Not very happy.

Various Characters: Clearly. And Harry is... a?

Various Characters: Hamster!

Various Characters: Yes, of course.

[to self]

Various Characters: Hamster, Hamster, Hamster!

Various Characters: What is it with me? What is it with you? Quit busting my ass for five minutes here!

Various Characters: Both surfaces must be dried before the glue is applied.

Various Characters: Let's try it with just the voice, okay? Both surfaces must be dried before the glue is applied!

Various Characters: Pierce film lid in several places! Got it!

Various Characters: [Dating Video] I'M THE QUIET ONE!

Various Characters: [Dating Vid] Hello, I'm Ros, before we go any further I feel that I should be open - BIG RED TRACTOR - about one particular aspect of myself. There is something in my life - Fencing FENCING - that is just too - EGG - significant not too - BIG EGG - mention. I know it puts some people off, but I would - IT DOES EXACTLY WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN - need you, whoever you are, to accept - WICKERWORK - me as I am - BULLY - as a Christian.

Various Characters: [Nice Doctor] Oh, no, no! You can take loads! And don't forget it's a jolly nice thing what you are!

Various Characters: [In Denial] What?

Various Characters: [Lesbian Kiss Scene] Could someone call my boyfriend and tell him I love him?

Various Characters: [friend has a new baby] Is that all it does? You must be gutted!

Various Characters: Have you seen the new Bond Film? It's amazing it's all, you know!

[they spin around with finger guns]

Various Characters: They're out there. They look just like you. They're Cousins. And you're probably not allowed to have sex with them. Or are you?

Angel: [Hanging around outside the Church after everyone else has gone home... ]

Various Characters: WAAAH! I want to do my Plan! If you don't let me do my Plan, I'm going to hold my breath until I die!

Singer: Where does our love lie? In the middle of nowhere. Will it still pass me by? In the middle of nowhere. Oh won't you tell me, what am I to do? I'm in the middle of nowhere, gettin' nowhere with you.

Various Characters: Here we are at Poet's Leap, where our hero threw himself to his death, for the love of one Daisy Winthrop. Who, ironically enough, was quite a plain girl! Ha!

[Falls over the Cliff]

Various Characters: [Dating Video, bored] I like Cars, I like Football, I like Science Fiction, I like Golf- Fuck it, Golf? I hate Golf! I can't do this...

Various Characters: [Dating Video] I am making Art! I am making Art! I am making Art! I am making Art! I am a Veil, a Bull, Moo, A Veil. I am a Veil a Bull!

Various Characters: It would certainly be nice to have a fresh pair of legs!

Various Characters: Doctor, instead of removing a little fat from the eyelid area, you seem to have cut off my arm and replaced it with a rusty metal spike.

Various Characters: [Russian Camgirl] Sexy, Sexy Proletariat!

Various Characters: [Franglais Singers] Hey Mister, Wait Mister, Wait Mister, Stay Mister!

Various Characters: [handed an Atlas] Oh, yeah, right! Like someone's really drawn out all the Countries in a book!

Various Characters: Perfect Girlfriend? She's getting it somewhere else.

Captions: Crap Job? No money? Not getting enough sex? Be a Prostitute!

Various Characters: [Victory fist pump, gets in the car]

Clapperboard: Right Up Inside.

Captions: Nurses! Not as much fun as you'd think.

Various Characters: I'm in your fridge!

Various Characters: [surrounded by Nude Portraits] I couldn't let anyone see them! I've got my tits out!

Various Characters: I could be like that water-carrying girl in the Jungle Book!