Robin Williams: [to his son who doesn't want to do comedy] What? "Ninny-ninny" wasn't good enough for you? Popeye wasn't good enough for you?

Robin Williams: [as his son] Popeye wasn't good enough for anybody! Who are you kidding?

Robin Williams: There are white wines, there are red wines, but why aren't there any black wines like,

[in a rough black voice]

Robin Williams: Reggie: A Motherfucker! It goes with fish, meat, any damn thing it wants to!

Robin Williams: [At the zoo, a most disappointing trip] And you're like, "I know. I'll take him to see the chimps." You get to the chimps, and he goes...

[imitates him quickly jerking off]

Robin Williams: You're like, "Let's go, Tommy." He's like

[higher pitched voice]

Robin Williams: "Why dad? I've seen you do that."

Robin Williams: [pointing an audience member's camera into his pants] Let's give you a very special picture. There you go. Yes. Oh, yes, I'm glad you had the old wide-angle lens on there. I can't wait 'til you take that to Fotomat.

Robin Williams: You know, they have white wines, they have red wines...

Audience member: Yellow wines.

Robin Williams: [Turns to audience member] Yellow wines? Thank you, my son. You know, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Robin Williams: [Talking about Jack Daniels] I'd like to take a trip out to Lynchburg, TN and get a tour of the place. I'm sure the guy who greet you is like,

[puts on a baseball cap with the brim folded upwards, with a bad Southern accent]

Robin Williams: "How ye doin'? Welcome to Lynchburg?"

[Another person]

Robin Williams: "Who's that over there?"

[He then imitates a guy having been hung]

Robin Williams: [as tour guide again] "Someone who pissed us off. A comedian. C'mon over here."

[Starts walking in an exaggerated way]

Robin Williams: "You know my daddy married my cousin, but it didn't affect me." "This is my brother over here. He's the taster."

[does the dueling banjo imitation]

Robin Williams: "And here's where we add the secret ingredient."

[Turns around and looks like he's urinating]