29 June 2015 | lor_
Deadly dull hostage porn
Hiding behind the meaningless title FLESH POND is undoubtedly the most tedious rip-off of THE DESPERATE HOURS ever filmed. Director Carlos Tobalina shows no ability at structuring a dramatic motion picture here.
Some relative of his named Herman Tobalina gets top billing as gunman Paco escaped from county jail with a Black confederate, who take hostage the guests of Drea's Swingers brothel, a nondescript ranch house where various folks, including guest star Bill Margold, pay $20 a pop to have group sex together. Once the gunmen break in, instead of the expected drama/violence/dread/suspense, Paco orders guest star Rita Ricardo to do her stage act to entertain them, which she is revved up to do anyway.
It involves her sucking the artificial dick of her life-size doll Johnny Rubber (her dumb patter includes noting that he wants to become Johnny Leather after spending time in Frisco), and then riding the fake cock as poor Johnny lies grinning (in a doll's rictus fashion) on the floor.
The gathering of swingers sits around for the next hour looking terminally bored, rather than frightened -the women occasionally asking Paco if he'd like some sex which he steadfastly refuses. Instead he orders them to assume various sexual positions and have a Tobalina brand orgy, much in the manner of De Sade's famous story "Philosophy in the Bedroom" which I'm sure Tobalina was not acquainted with.
Margold pulls his pud or alternately humps Drea (he didn't use the stage name Mr. Drea at one time for nothing), and delivers several money shots (including an imaginary one that Paco praises). The rest of the cast including an excellent actress (in other films, not here) Shaun Michelle, hump mechanically so when Margold declares self-righteously "These girls are not whores, they're swingers" the viewer can only wonder whether this oft-recited defense of the porn actor's profession is in fact valid. A latecomer to the party is a nude & sleepy Sheila Parks who comes into the living room wondering what's going on and has to join the orgy. This apparently is her reward for starring in Tobalina's terrible film ANTICIPATION.
The director Carlos Tobalina himself ends this nonsense by showing up at the brothel and reciting a plot recap: he's met with his pal the judge who was about to release both prisoners as being exonerated for their crime of murder. A pointless flashback set at a gas station is typical Tobalina filler footage that sheds no light on the subject. Tobalina bravely stands up to Paco and under threat of being shot convinces him to give up his gun, in return for being set free (highly improbable) and even getting a job at Tobalina's ranch. Four girls finally descend on the unarmed Paco to have sex with him but the film ends mercifully before the guy can go hardcore in this one-shot screen appearance.
After seeing dozens of Carlos's beneath criticism movies, this one finally convinced me of his problem. As an independent filmmaker who owns his own studio, equipment and even theaters to show his product, he was answerable to no one - what every director aspires to, but with the obvious drawback of nobody (only yes men on the payroll) to advise him when something is going wrong in a script, scene, coverage, editing, or even as simple a matter as focus in a shot (CT is cameraman on this junker as well). So the result is random footage assembled as a movie, not a real movie. Final title reads "Filmed in stereophonic sound" as if anyone cared.