13 March 2006 | HaemovoreRex
Insane fun from beginning to end!
You immediately know that you're in for a fun ride here when, in the very first minute or so of the films running time, an impromptu fight breaks out between our hero, played by the always superb Alexander Lou, and a somewhat gaunt looking chap who appears to be wielding what at first sight looks like a piece of guttering!
As it turns out the attacker is also ostensibly rather thick as, after being given a quick pasting, he reveals that the reason for his decidedly anti-sociable behaviour was that he had in fact resorted to a spot of DIY justice in response to the rape of a number of women down the alley in question. Obviously, seeing our hero walk down the same alley he put two and two together and made about fifty, automatically assuming that he must therefore logically be the culprit of the said crimes!
Still apparently anyone can make such a simple, honest mistake and in no time at all, the two protagonists are the best of buddies! Okaaay
Anyway, to cut a long story short, our hero and his new found pal next wind up working together at a sewage works, during which time they manage to save the life of a local mafia boss (a strangely benevolent chap at that) when he is attacked by his own cronies who are attempting to overthrow him.
Several savage beatings later at the hands of our hero, the bruised miscreants run off to lick their wounds and resolve to team up with a Japanese crime organisation which is headed by a rather rotund looking fellow who has a disturbing propensity for beating up his own sister! As it turns out, this organisation is rather more malevolent than the one the traitorous crooks formerly belonged to and even comprises a small army of ninja! In addition, just for good measure the organisation also enlist the aid of four experts in various martial arts fields; a master swordsman who bears an uncanny likeness to the late, great Oliver Hardy (!), an Italian knife throwing expert (and gambling addict to boot), a stereotypical, jive talking, 1970's styled Afro-Caribbean kickboxer (played by Alexander Lou's regular co star Eugene Thomas and finally a young ninja master.
Inevitably, this motley bunch manage to kill the strangely affable old Chinese mob boss which prompts our hero's to swear an oath of revenge.
From here on, the rest of the movie has our good guys challenging and defeating each of the assassins in turn before working their way up to the big boss himself.
Just to confuse matters somewhat, there is a sub plot involving Lou's character having a love affair with the evil Japanese boss's sister who also happens to be a ninja
..hmmmm what a tangled web eh?
Also of note are a number of scenes that don't exactly go to further the plot (nor make much sense for that matter) but are included presumably to beef out the movies running time
. One such particularly humorous and frankly baffling scene has our heroes marching into an elite social club whose members appear to be made up solely of bigoted (and disturbingly unattractive!) Europeans. Needless to say a fight inevitably breaks out during which our heroes give the clubs patrons a jolly good beat down before leaving calmly.
As is often the case with this type of movie, and especially the ninja genre in particular, much of the enjoyment to be derived from them is from the unintentional laughs to be gleaned from the on screen antics. The irony is that the actors seem to be approaching the material with deadly straight faced seriousness which only serves to heighten the hilarity considering the sheer stupidity of the proceedings.
Probably the funniest factor in this is the actual ninja antics especially as demonstrated in the final, climatic battle.
During this duel, our hero finds himself besieged by a group of speeding grass clump ninja! Yes, you read that correctly
.you really have not lived until you have witnessed the astonishing sight of a large clump of grass whizzing across a neatly kept lawn at high speed! And how does our man combat such a terrifying menace you might ask? Well the only way possible against this deadly art - he uproots a sapling and proceeds to beat the ninja senseless with it!
It has to be said that the fight choreography throughout is for the most part superb (if sadly sped up in parts) and certainly adds immensely to the films entertainment value.
In fact, as it happens the fight scenes themselves seem to make up the bulk of the films running time with barely a minute seeming to go by without a fight breaking out for seemingly any given reason whatsoever!
Added to this we have some real gems of god awful dialogue which certainly had me laughing out loud throughout.
What can I say? This film is a true classic of its genre and a must see for fans of B-Movies in general! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a rather pesky ninja infestation in my lawn to take care of