User Reviews (12)

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  • Now I know that general opinion holds this film in utter disdain and yes, I will concede that it is certainly no cinematic masterpiece, but.......there is a certain strange fascination that it exudes in it's primitiveness.

    This is REALLY low budget movie making in effect.

    The story details the protagonist's adventures in a land filled with various perils such as demons and evil tribes etc. There is also an underlying story of revenge as Thor's fate leads him to battle and eventually slay the barbarian who murdered his father when he was a baby.

    Whilst the plot itself is incredibly basic, (if it even merits as a plot at all) the way it unfolds on screen is bizarrely compelling.

    I really can't put my finger on exactly why I rather enjoyed such a universally reviled movie. As said above perhaps the sheer baseness of the picture was the attraction to me. Certainly the closest movie I could liken it to was Lucio Fulci's similarly themed 'Conquest', again a film which is generally loathed by most people (even fans of the Sword & Sorcery genre to which it belongs) but again, a film which I found to be strangely intriguing.

    Overall then, if your a fan of Sword & Sorcery flicks then you might want to give Thor The Conqueror a try - just don't expect anything along the quality lines of Conan The Barbarian.
  • As far as Sword+Sandal flicks go, "Thor the Conqueror" is one of the more 'realistic' movies of the genre. Instead of being pretty, and polished, with elaborate sets and over-styled hair, we get a surprisingly gritty and rough movie, shot totally in some forest, with a very minimalist style. And this is what gives "Thor the Conqueror" a believable edge. Actor Bruno Minniti likewise, is not some huge, steroid ripped pretty guy with perfect hair, but rather a more authentic looking hero. With his slimmer, but ripped build, Thor comes across as a lean and mean fighter, a lot more agile than some huge guy. And rather than make Thor a stereotypical "hero" beyond reproach, he is shown to be rather rough with females, raping, and sometimes killing them with little thought, and no regret. I thought this was a brilliant touch, as who ever imagines a figure like 'Thor' to be a well-behaved gentleman has absolutely no understanding of the Norse Legends. Barbarians, Vikings, were pillagers, rapists, and murderers. They were warriors, and rarely noble. Other people criticized his portrayal, saying that they couldn't sympathize with him. I find that statement very silly.

    There was a brilliant Scandinavian director named Hrafn Gunnlaugsson, who created some very realistic Viking films in the 80's. i'm not saying "Thor the Conqueror" is quite in that league, but this strange film reminds me of those movies in the way it is shot in such minimalist style, with crude sets and costumes, and muted colors. On a side note, I was not expecting any romantic content in this movie, but i found the relationship between Thor and Ina to be really nice. As brutal as Thor is with her in the beginning, she finds that she cannot abandon him when his life is threatened by a group of cannibals. she risks her life to rescue him, and from that moment on, the hero of the story develops a new kind of respect and understanding for the opposite sex. I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed this obscure, low budget movie..I recommend it to fantasy film lovers who don't need big budget sets and special FX to enjoy a good fantasy tale..
  • Warning: Spoilers
    This is a strangely compelling movie to me. Thor, the title character, is supposedly "descended from the God of Thunder," but he has many, MANY setbacks along his path to fatherhood and...well, something.

    First off, Thor's wig is complete garbage. I mean, seriously. Give us all a break. Why not do a weave or something? Just embarrassing. Regardless, this visual problem has nothing to do with the script. The script has its moments. ***SPOILERS*** Thor starts off as the beneficiary of his slain father's adviser, the bird-mage Etna (which means "screech owl" and explains his aviary obsession) who schools him in the wicked ways of the world. Along the road to manhood, Etna plays "Greek Chorus" to the movie and interacts with the viewer beyond the "Fourth Wall." Not that it does much good. Etna is also played by the actor Luigi Mezznotte who looks amazingly like Heavy Metal god Ronnie James Dio (and like Thom Christopher)!!!!

    Along the way, Thor runs into a group of female virgin warriors who he rapidly kills and then rapes the last survivor (Ina, played by the gorgeous Maria Romano). This may be why some people do not like this movie. Nonetheless, the rape survivor is impregnated and Thor states that she will "give birth to the harvest that is children." Or something.

    Anyway, Ina forgives Thor his transgression and serves as a deft partner to the murderer/rapist, even training the lame-o villagers who hail Thor as messianic figure only to turn their back on him in his ("His"?) hour of need. Thor's birdman buddy (again, Spoilers!) calls the Deity to help him out and Thor is back in action on his newly created animal (later to be known as a horse, in a segment that blew the minds of previous reviewers) with his old man's sword and gets two things: 1.) REVENGE! and 2.) a son by Ina, his raped/menaced/micro-agressioned/trigger-worded female consort.

    Everybody is smiling and Thor planted some magic grain and it is the end.

    Listen, you could do a heck of a lot worse than this movie. I consider it a relatively realistic slice of "Sword and Sandal" life. As ABBA once sang, "The Winner Takes It All" and while Thor the character loses more than he wins in this movie, in the end he takes the prize, and that -to these film-makers and to this reviewer-- is all that matters. Grandine Thor!!!!!! Bellissimo!
  • I like how Thor is a retarded rapist whose only friend is a misogynistic mystic who turns into an owl, doesn't offer help when it's needed, and likes to watch. Wait, I don't like that at all!

    Seriously, I pride myself on having seen almost every sword and sorcery movie made in the 80's. Even knowing in advance how bad this movie was supposed to be, it went down pretty hard. Fortunately, I had good company - we've climbed a lot of z-movie Everests before. Even Deathstalker IV was better. To go outside of sword and sorcery, even Star Knight or Nukie compare favorably to Thor.

    The only 80's sword and sorcery movies that may be worse are: Princess Warrior, Time Barbarians, and Wizards Of The Demon Sword (1991). I haven't seen these to confirm for myself, but as one of them is supposedly shot on video (and is REALLY bad to begin with), another is a Fred Olen Ray film, and two of them are of the "Barbarian in L.A." type, I'm betting any time spent as an audience with these would be pretty gruesome.

    The other IMDb reviewers have this film exactly right. It's miserable. Absolutely unmotivated, and engaging only where it offends or is too seizure-inducingly stupid. (incidentally, the first line I wrote accurately summarizes EVERYTHING in Thor).

    There ARE some funny moments. My favorite is when Thor's mystic/mentor produces an - uh, is it all right if I call it an equine? - and explains to him that "this is a creature that will not be called a horse for several centuries," or something to that effect. This, of course, means that if you WANTED to call it a horse in the meantime during the intervening centuries, you'd be stuck.

    It doesn't stop being moronic there, though; Thor proceeds to use the horse to, uh........impress his enemies? All he does is ride it up and down a field while his enemies watch; doesn't so much as brandish his sword. Eventually, they flee. I'm sure in the script it said "Thor's enemies, having never seen a horse before, flee in terror." Yeah. That's not really conveyed. But then, not much is in "Thor." My friend and I marveled at its shortcomings.

    Recommended for barbarian completists and bad movie fetishists only.
  • Jacob_roberts9930 September 2002
    Okay I often watch barbarian films and try and empathise with the lead character. Primal, base and violent. However after watching this movie I found I couldn't even relate to the lead character.

    Firstly the lead, Thor, is shot as a baby, yet survives. Okay he must be well hard, but why is this never referred to? Secondly he is accompanied by a camp "Birdman" who says he cannot follow Thor, yet is always there, especially when our "Hero" is about to have sex.

    Oh yes, our "hero" he kills women, rapes them, steals, kills. And we are suppose to feel sorry for him when he is blinded?

    Oh year and I thought maybe if the sword turned into the snake, the snake might transform into the sword, no that would be daft.

    Another bad point is this film refused to end when we shouted "END!" at the TV.

    THis film is tosh, but I will leave you with the line "In centuries to come it will be called horse", I mean... what is it called now?

    2 out of Ten

    Jake "The Jiggybeast" Roberts
  • Warning: Spoilers
    In the 80's, the era of the hack and slash movie was well and truly underway, thanks to the success of one Conan The Barbarian. Sad to say though that most of these blatant imitations were truly awful, as is the case with this abysmal effort from Italy.

    To begin with there isn't really a plot at all, merely some utterly unconvincing fights set in the background of a misty forest. Oh, of course you get the usual nonsense about the father who died and his only son who grows up to avenge him, but that only becomes relevant in the last five minutes of the film. Most of the running time here is taken up with sweaty men grunting at each other ( there isn't much dialogue which is just as well: what there is is unbelievably badly dubbed and trite) looking more like failed WWF wrestlers than actors and romantic interludes in which our chum Thor splashes in the surf and rolls around in the hay with a busty female warrior who he was going to decapitate but then decides to spare the life of, especially as he finds out she can bear in his own words "the fruit of his loins." Nice thought, eh?

    Other friends include a sorceror who can turn himself into an owl who decided to take Thor under his wing (ho ho) after his dads premature demise. He is pretty much ineffectual throughout most of the film, stopping only to spy on his adopted son's lovemaking and offering useless clues in prose as to what he should do next. Oh, he conjours up a horse for the final showdown and does his part to cure our hero of blindness, but you'd think with all the power at his disposal he'd be able to do a bit more then sit in a branch and talk gobble de gook. Then there's the bad guy who Thor is after who is another of those types who spurns the chance to kill his nemesis when presented with it, preferring instead to laugh manically and abuse our hero's bride-to-be. Safe to say that in the pantheon of villians, Hans Gruber and Darth Vader can sleep easy.

    I've already wasted enough enough time on this waste of celluloid but just 2 more observations 1. The bombastic score that alternates between cheap action music during the fight scenes and slushy love tunes when our hero gets to show his mushy side is dreadful.. turn that stereo down and 2. The aforementioned final battle where the sorceror's horse manages to scare off 20 or so grunting extras without Thor having to lay a finger on them. Yes, we know they've never seen one before but a bit of an extreme reaction don't you think? And with that I bid you good day and remember: life is too short to waste on movies like this, go and read a good book or take your kids to the park, just leave it on the shelf!!

    2/10
  • This low-budget Italian "Conan"-imitation can perfectly be summarized in one simple word: unendurable! Even if you have, like myself, a soft spot for kitschy fantasy-cinema, this movie is just a very painful viewing experience and, on more than one occasion, you'll be wondering why the hell you're wasting 85 precious minutes of your life with watching crap like this. Thor is a fascinating Northern deity and there haven't been too many movies made about him, which makes it all the more regrettable to see this one is so damn poor. Barely a few minutes after his birth, Thor's parents are slaughtered by savages and the almighty God Teisha becomes his guardian. This out-of-date God constantly switches from his human shape into an owl and he teaches Thor some very valuable (!) life-lessons, such as "Women are stupid", "Women must obey their men" and "Don't be so gentle with females". Great, now I know why my girlfriend doesn't watch this type of films...And she's right, too! Anyway, once Thor is a muscular warrior who lost his virginity (apparently, that's important), Teisha sends him away on a long and dangerous conquest to avenge his dead father. Teisha himself claims to be too old for the journey, yet he stays around to supply the film with completely unnecessary narrative information. Although clearly part of the vivid "Sword & Sorcery" sub genre, this movie is incomprehensibly boring! Even the battle sequences are insipid and thoroughly unexciting. There's obviously also something very wrong when you, the viewer, cheer at the top of your voice when the "hero" is blinded by his enemies... You're supposed to choose the side of Thor, yet you couldn't feel less connected with his character! He can barely talk in sentences! The few visual effects (near the beginning) are embarrassing and there's almost no on screen bloodshed or sleaze. It's pretty obvious to see why director Tonino Ricci never earned the same respectable status as fellow Italian directors like Lucio Fulci, Ruggero Deodato or Sergio Martino. As well as his previous "Baktérion", this movies utter utter crap!
  • If you think you saw every bad movie in the world - this turkey is worse.

    It´s the "new" story of a guy named Thor whose parents got killed by a bad guy named Gunt in the beginning. With the aid of a strange magician (who transformes into a Owl from time to time) he grows up to be a great warrior. But first he has to find a magic sword (yawn), kill hordes of bad looking cannibals and learn to make love (just kisses are allowed here).

    The whole pic was shot in a small forest, the only buildings (sort of) are three strawhuts which stand in for a village and a cave which hides the sword.

    To name the performances "acting" would be unfair to any school-theatre-group, to call the work of the director "directing" would be against any good taste. But the worst of all are the "fight-scenes" and there many of them in this stinker.

    Don´t rent it - ignore it, and if you see it through any bad coincidence - wash your eyes and try to forget this wasted time. It´s not even so bad its good - trust me
  • Phroggy28 February 2003
    well everybody already said how blatantly bad this movie is (the

    attempts at humour seems to be directed at the viewer, just to say

    "The joke's on you, sucker !", but I have to point out one scene

    where we see the hero and one cronie walking to… Well, walking.

    Obviously you can see a whole modern village (Italian, I gather) in

    the background with no attempt to hide it ! I wonder if it was

    intentional or just sloppyness. Of course, you'd say, nowadays they do the same thing in the US,

    with a 30 mil budget and a few MTV groovy young stars and none

    of the wackiness typical to Italian B-movies, but… Check a Sergio

    Martino movie instead of this one. And I saw it in a theatre. After all, maybe I SHOULD get a life
  • Skutter-225 June 2007
    Thor the Conqueror is a bottom of the barrel example of the low budget greased up barbarian sword and sorcery movie boom that took place in Italy in the early eighties. It was a regular cottage industry with reams of these god-awful little movies churned out by the Italian movie makers. This one actually has practically nothing to do with Thor or any Norse mythology. It is basically about some big greased up muscleman type who happens to be called Thor having adventures in a generic caveman world. There isn't a lot of plot to go around- basically Thor, who is some kind of chosen one, wanders around some forests randomly fighting other cavemen and quasi-cavemen guided by his misogynistic magical mentor before he teams up with some more civilised and friendly farming cavemen types and battles the head bad guy, is blinded, gets better and leads the nice cavemen to victory. That description might sound vague but the movie is pretty much that incoherent and meandering. There is much of interest to report there other than the at times draw dropping misogynism present be it Thor pretty much forcing himself onto most of the various he meets including his future love interest and rants from Etna the magician about women are there to be used by mean and are fundamentally stupid. It might very well be an accurate depiction of gender politics among cavemen but it doesn't make our protagonists very likable. Other than it has lots of cheap costumes, badly staged fight scenes by actors who look like they were rounded up as part of a work for the dole project and some very stagy and badly written narration by Etna the magician presumably shoehorned in to make the large sections of dialogue-sparse meandering go down easier.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    I really understand why many people hate this movie. Really everything here is crap, the "actors", the story, the buildings and the rest. Just some random scenes of stupid looking people who fight with swords and axes that look like they are made of cardboard. Especially dumb is one scene with some ghosts in a cave. This ghosts just appear to affright the hero, they do absolutely nothing and look like the figures in a low class fairground ghost train. All the other "deadly dangers" the hero has to face, are comparatively harmless too. There are so many funny mistakes, like a modern village in the background or a beach with countless footprints of tourists. To make a conclusion: I really recommend this movie to hard boiled trash movie lovers like me, that's the reason I gave it 5*. OK, there are better "masterworks", like the Ator movies, but with good friends and beer this one is great too. If you hate cheap trash movies, avoid this film at all costs.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    Before I start this review, I wanna let you know that this movie contains spoiler alerts, viewer discretion is advised. Thor the Conqueror is a 1983 Italian fantasy barbarian movie. It is yet another blatant Italian cash-in on Conan the Barbarian. The plot of this movie (if there's any at all) is about a boundless warrior seeking out revenge for the death of his father. He has some owl witch & a random woman to help on his quest for vengeance. Pros: -none at all Cons: -subpar special effects -bad acting -terrible English dub, as usual for these bad Italian movies -fights are gore-less and not that much blood in it -several plot holes -awful writing Overall, this is just yet another crappy Italian cash-in on Conan the Barbarian. I don't understand why these Italians love ripping off Conan so much. This movie gets a big fat 1, no wait, I'll give it a big FAT 0!