Guest House Paradiso (1999)

Bill Nighy: Mr. Johnson

Quotes 

• Richard Twat : I trust you've slept well?

  Mr Johnson : We had rather a rough night actually.

  Richard Twat : Ah well, the perils of adultery.

• Mr Johnson : I merely brushed your arm!

  Richard Twat : Well, we have already established that you're a liar, Mr Jones.

  Mr Johnson : Look, Mr Twat...

  Richard Twat : It's pronounced "Thwaite"!

  Mr Johnson : Well, It's spelled twat.

  [pointing at Richie's name on the desk] 

  Mr Johnson : T-W-A-T Twat!

  Richard Twat : Could you keep your voice down please? We do have normal guests, as well.

• Richard Twat : I trust you two both washed.

  Mr Johnson : Actually, the water was cold.

  Richard Twat : That's no reason not to wash, is it? Good grief, we are British, you know. We invented cold showers to stop people masturbating. Oh, I see, maybe that's why you are so upset about the lack of hot water.