Patrick: The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
[thought bubble for Patrick shows a carton of milk tipping over and spilling]
Fred: My leg!
[SpongeBob appears on the horizon]
Sandy Cheeks: Here, Patrick. Have a Krabby Patty.
Sandy Cheeks: Psst. There he is Patrick, say your line.
Patrick: [picks up paper] Why thank you, Sandy. Take Patty. Too bad SpongeBob isn't here to enjoy this. These are his favorite.
[on the verge of tears]
Patrick: Take bite.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm every bit as good as Larry, and if I'm not, then may I be struck by...
[rumble of thunder]
SpongeBob SquarePants: ... a flying ice cream truck.
[a shadow forms over SpongeBob; chimes play]
SpongeBob SquarePants: And live!
[the flying ice cream truck stops short of crushing Spongebob]
Larry the Lobster: [on megaphone] Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers.
Painting: Are you ready kids?
Kids: Aye Aye Captain!
Painting: I can't hear you!
Kids: Aye Aye Captain!
Painting , Kids: Ohhhh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Painting: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Painting: If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish.
Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Painting: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
Painting , Kids: Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePannnnnts!
Painting , Kids: [SpongeBob plays flute using his nose]
Squidward: Oh why must every eleven minutes of my life be filled with misery? Why?
Mermaid Man: That guy over there used to be the Atomic Flounder. I know he doesn't look like much now, but he could go back to crime
Mermaid Man: just like that
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy chuckle; SpongeBob suddenly tackles the Atomic Flounder]
Atomic Flounder: Help, somebody there!
SpongeBob: You're under arrest, Atomic Flounder!
Mermaid Man: No, lad! Don't!
SpongeBob: But you said he could turn back to crime
SpongeBob: like that.
Atomic Flounder: What? Get off me! If I weren't retired I'd... I'd... Roar!
[Breathes radiation on Barnacle Boy's face, burning it]
Atomic Flounder: ... do that.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, tartar sauce.
Mermaid Man: EVIL!
Plankton: [yells] Lady, someone should put you in a box to drift in the river!
Elderly lady: [pauses, sadly] ... you're right.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [sly look] You like Krabby Patties, don't you, Squidward?
Squidward: Okay i want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Is this the part where we start kicking?
Squidward: No SpongeBob. That's a chorus line.
Patrick: Kicking? I wanna do some kicking!
Sandy Cheeks: Ow! Why you...
[gets into a fight with Patrick]
Patrick: [screams loudly]
Patrick: Who ever's the owner of the white sedan you left your lights on.
Personified Krabby Patty: Just remember SpongeBob, I'll always be right here.
[points to SpongeBob's Chest]
SpongeBob SquarePants: In my heart?
Personified Krabby Patty: Actually in your arteries.
Squidward: Once again, i hate people.
Squidward: I knew i shouldn't have got out of bed today.
Gary The Snail: Meow.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gary! Squidward is not a free loader and he will never take advantage of me!
French Narrator: Three weeks later.
SpongeBob SquarePants: He's just having a hard time getting his confidence back.
French Narrator: Many months later.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm sure he's close to a break through.
French Narrator: So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one.
Gary The Snail: Meow meow meow.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I know he still isn't looking for work! Don't rub it in!
SpongeBob SquarePants: The Krusty Krab Pizza! Is the Pizza! For you and me!
Mr. Krabs: David H. Jones!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Why are you here to rescue little old me?
Barnacle Boy: Pipe Down! You're gonna wake Mermaid Man and he's ornery when his nap is disturbed.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ever alert Mermaid Man has trained himself to sleep with his eyes open.
Barnacle Boy: Con funded! Get away from him!
Mermaid Man: Stop shouting i'm napping!
Barnacle Boy: It's not me you old coot!
Patrick: Oh boy that was some party! Oh hey SpongeBob! Hey Junior! What? What?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh nothing.
Patrick: Oh what a relive for a second there I thought you'd be mad at me.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Do you remember what you said to me this morning?
Patrick: Something about root beer right?
Patrick: Oh wait let me guess let me guess! I give up!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Does you can take the night off pal ring a bell?
Patrick: I don't need this.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What? Where do you think you're going?
Patrick: I'm going back to work!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Work?
Patrick: He got hit in the head with two coconuts!
SpongeBob SquarePants: So this is work?
Patrick: You know it's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes i gotta move the antenna, sometimes i lose the remote and sometimes my butt itches real bad.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh you poor poor thing. By the way you forgot you briefcase!
Patrick: Oh. So this is the thanks i get for working overtime!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Overtime?
Patrick: Yeah overtime pal! I'm to tired to work!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh if that's the kind of work your doing i've been working my fingers to the bone you never helped never!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: What is it boy?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward just told me a hilarious joke and i thought you might like to hear it.
Mr. Krabs: Is it true Squidward? Is it hilarious?
Squidward: Um yeah sure.
Mr. Krabs: Well let's hear it lad.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay here it goes. Um how did it go Squidward?
Squidward: Um it went um let's see ah Why couldn't the eleven year old get into the new pirate movie?
Mr. Krabs: Why?
Squidward: It was rated Arr!
Squidward: Arr! Because it's about pirates.
Mr. Krabs: I'm not paying you to do stand up Mr. Squidward! Now get back to work!
Squidward: All right you two! Out! And don't even think about jogging your empty skulls for the rest of the day! Or tomorrow or next week
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward does that include...
Squidward: Yes it does!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee Patrick. Do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?
Squidward: Yes i was! You call yourselves good neighbors? You're the worst neighbors ever! You don't deserve to wear these fezzes!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee Pat. Maybe President Squidward's right.
Patrick: Yeah. I guess we're not good neighbors after all.
Squidward: No you aren't! You're horrible neighbors! And stop calling me president!
Plankton: SpongeBob what do you want?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well it's just that it's Tuesday again sir and i was wondering if i can have my weekly performance review.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh yes please sir please!
Plankton: But i've never reviewed anything. Except those foreign exercise videos my cousin sent me.
Squidward: SpongeBob do you remember that talk we had about personal space?
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay Squidward i'm official look!
Plankton: So have you two known each other long?
Squidward: You can't do this to me Mr. Plankton! If you think i'm gonna stand out there all day listening to...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Squidward: Then you must have coral wasted in your frontal lobe!
Plankton: So what do you want me to do about it?
Squidward: I'd like my view to be a little less yellow if you know what i mean.
Plankton: Hope you like grey.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward, i can see you though this little window.
Sandy Cheeks: SpongeBob's acting jumper then a rattlesnake in a pickle barral.
Squidward: I was trying to take a nap over here!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hang on Squidward. Patrick was just about to figure out where this last piece of this puzzle goes. Weren't you Patrick?
Patrick: Who's the green guy?
Squidward: It's the last piece of the puzzle! There's only one place it can go right here!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward! It wasn't your turn! That's cheating.
Squidward: Cheating? It's a jigsaw puzzle you can't cheat!
Squidward: Oh how touching. I'm gonna go home and throw up.
Gary The Snail: Meow
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hi Plankton.
Plankton: What do you have mud in your ears? Take a hike!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ah yes i remember. But i just wanted to tell you that the Krabby Patty secret formula is not i repeat not in the safe behind the painting in the Krusty Krab.
Plankton: Why should i care? My whole life is been filled with tortured by that blasted whale.
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay. Everybody has a secret fear! For instance Mr. Krabs's secret fear is
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mmm hmm. And guess what else? That was Mr. Krabs in a whale suit that you've been scared of.
Plankton: You mean this entire time it's been Krabs masquerading as a whale? Why that conniving bottomfeeder!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well certainly you wouldn't have such innocuous information would you?
Plankton: Oh of course not.
SpongeBob SquarePants: All righty back to your self destructive behavior Plankton. Thanks for the talk.
Plankton: Oh no thank you!
Mr. Krabs: So it was just another Krabby Patty theft attempt by my arch competitor Plankton!
Squidward: Didn't anybody tell you it's the break of dawn?
Squidward: Only 364 days and nine years left until i exchange this concrete tomb for a multi story ocean liner cruise.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward.
Mr. Krabs: The boy and i just thought we'd stop by and check on our convict friend.
Squidward: Call me what you may, fact of the matter is i found out the mystery customer's name first so i win. I win i win i win i win i win!
Mr. Krabs: Enjoy your prize.
Squidward: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Tropical vacation here i come!
Mr. Krabs: Vacation? Who said anything about a vacation?
Squidward: What? In the brochure it specifically mentions an ocean liner vacation.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, you mean that brochure. Well that was the prize. The brochure. It was taking up too much room in me drawers you know. So it's your prize.
Squidward: You mean no vacation?
Mr. Krabs: Nope, just the brochure. Well got to get back to counting me loot. Enjoy your new prize Squidward.
SpongeBob SquarePants: See you on the outside in ten years buddy.
Squidward: Oh well at least I'll have some peace and quiet for the next ten years.
Patrick: Hey Squidward. Parcheesi?
Mrs. Poppy Puff: One day down 2,528 to go! That's just a shy of four years without SpongeBob! I'm going to enjoy this!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward's father never hugged him. Isn't that sad?
Mr. Krabs: Yes i suppose that is rather sad but Squidward can hug himself during his break. Now get back to work!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Just like the robot in the movie! He couldn't cry either.
Squidward: SpongeBob this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know my father loved me very much.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! What in Neptune's bathtub do you think your doing lad?
Squidward: I'm not gonna let them ruin the rest of my Sunday.
SpongeBob SquarePants: President Squidward?
Squidward: No no. Don't say anything more. This was all my fault. I was the one who wanted to relax on Sunday. Now if you'll be so kind as to leave so i can get ready for work tomorrow.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. President...
Squidward: Shut it.
SpongeBob SquarePants: But we just wanted too...
Squidward: Get out of my house!
Squidward: There's only three hours of my Sunday left. They took it all away. I didn't even get to read the Sunday paper.
Patrick: Ice cream! Did somebody say ice cream?
Mr. Krabs: Looks like you blew it again Plankton!
Plankton: I did better then you Eugene!
Mr. Krabs: Says who?
SpongeBob: Now now now i think we need to calm down. Fighting is pointless You two would have the recipe by now if you worked together.
Mr. Krabs: Okay fine! We'll work together.
Plankton: Yeah i don't see that working out.
SpongeBob: Not to worry gentlemen i have a plan.
SpongeBob: Ta da! I started the Flabby Patty restaurant just to get you two rascals to team up. And so the power of friendship triumphs again.
Mr. Krabs: What? You mean all this was one of your goofball schemes?
Plankton: Now now Krabs SpongeBob's taught us some very valuable lessons. Such as oh falling out of an airplane for instance.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah. And how to commonly bludgeon meself.
Plankton: In fact, i think it's time we repay him don't you?
Mr. Krabs: Great idea pal! We'll teach you about teamwork.
SpongeBob: [runs away screaming]
Mr. Krabs: Get back here!
Plankton: We should do this more often Krabs.
Plankton: Aw man! I stole that Krabby Patty fair and square.
Mr. Krabs: Oh poor wittle baby waby. Does wittle Pwanksy wanksy need his nappy wappy?
SpongeBob: Why are you two always fighting? You were best palsie walsies once.
[picks up Plankton]
SpongeBob: Can't you two make up and be friends?
Mr. Krabs: Yeeh those days are over SpongeBob
Plankton: Krabs and i are bitter enemies!
Mr. Krabs: And that's the way we like it.
SpongeBob: If only there was some way to bring you two back together.
Plankton: Forget it, SpongeBob Nothing will make me friends with Eugene Krabs
Plankton: What is that delicious smell?
SpongeBob: [sniffing bad sent] Bluh! That doesn't smell delicious!
Squidward: Stop playing in my yard!
Squidward: I hate neighbors.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I maybe down but i'm not up.
Sandy Cheeks: Back in Texas we call ice cream frozen cow juice.
Patrick: What's hide and seek?
Sandy Cheeks: Hi-ya!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hiya Sandy.
Sandy Cheeks: Is something wrong SpongeBob? You look sadder then a bullfrog full of sodey pop.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Do you have any famous relatives Sandy?
Sandy Cheeks: I sure do. My great Aunt Rosie Cheeks was the first squirrel to discover oil at Spindletop Texas!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee. Patrick sure is a heavy sleeper.
Patrick: Huh? Who said that? Who's there?
Patrick: It's the clam burglar! And he's stealing my secret box! Hand over the good secret box bandit and prepare for the most unpleasant pillow fight of your life!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait wait wait Patrick stop! It's me SpongeBob!
Patrick: Nice try burglar but SpongeBob's my best friend and he'd never steal from me!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hmm. Dear Pen Pal my name is SpongeBob SquarePants.Oh that's great! I work at a restaurant i love frying and i'm very good at it. Sincerely your new best friend! Behold the perfect letter! Now for the envelope.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Whoo-hoo! I'm flying! Yee-haw!
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob! I can't believe you can actually fly like you said in your letter!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick? You're Pen Pal?
SpongeBob SquarePants: But... but you said you were dying! You're not dying!
Patrick: Dying? Oh oh! You didn't read the whole letter!
SpongeBob SquarePants: See it says i wish i could watch you because i am dying!
Patrick: And here's the second page! To see you as a real pilot SpongeBob. Here are some other things i like to see: candy rain a firetruck full of clowns and a bunch of other stuff
SpongeBob SquarePants: It all makes sense now! Oh Patrick!
Patrick: You thought i was dying!
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay Patrick not everyone is equipped to bear the awesome weight of responsibility that a uniform hat represents. But you can wear mine anytime you want.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sure thing pal.
Patrick: Thanks SpongeBob! You're the best!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Anytime pal. Anytime.
Patrick: I love toys!
Plankton: You haven't seen the last of me when i get out of here i'll hunt you down like a pack of... Hey! Can't you read? No flash photography!
Plankton: Curse You Mr. Krabs! Ouch!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Pick up order!
Patrick: Do i get my award yet?
SpongeBob SquarePants: No you have to take the tray to the costumer. Almost try again and make sure the food gets to the table.
Patrick: Like that?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Nope.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Let's try something else. All you have to do is answer the phone.
Patrick: Aye aye captain.
Potty: Potty want cookie dough!
Karen: I don't know why i encourage him.
Sandy Cheeks: I'm hotter then a hickory smoked sausage!
Squidward: Nothing? We can't just sit here and do nothing!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward! You decided to join the party
Squidward: Let me out of here.
SpongeBob SquarePants: We were just gonna play some party games.
Patrick: Tag you're it
SpongeBob SquarePants: Tag you're it
Patrick: Tag you're it
Squidward: I gotta get out of here.
Squidward: There's no way to climb out of here.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Maybe if you had more upper arm strength.
Patrick: Yeah you should work out more.
Squidward: Well why don't i just start right now? After all i got a couple of dumbbells right here.
Patrick: I don't get it.
Squidward: Could you not stand so close? You're making me claustrophobic.
Patrick: What does claustrophobic mean?
SpongeBob SquarePants: It means he's afraid of Santa Claus.
Squidward: No it doesn't
Patrick: Ho ho ho!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Stop it Patrick! You're scaring him!
Patrick: Ho ho ho!
Squidward: It's not working Patrick.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Um Squidward you're standing on my foot.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oops sorry SpongeBob.
Patrick: And you got your elbow in my ribs.
Squidward: Ew! Patrick!
Patrick: And stop stepping in my potato salad!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey hey hey guys?
Squidward: Stop pushing me Patrick.
Patrick: You mean like this?
Squidward: No like this!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You shouldn't fight in here! This is a magical place.
Squidward: Patrick get off of me! I told you I am claustrophobic!
Patrick: Nice try Squidward but there's no Santa Claus here!
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob what's with all the ruckus?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Take a look for yourself Patrick.
Patrick: It's the evil doodle!
SpongeBob SquarePants: No no not evil. He was just a two dimensional creature lost in our three dimensional aquatic world longing for a purpose.
Patrick: So... He's a drawing?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Exactly! See how happy he is?
Patrick: He still looks kind of creepy.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh hi Squidward. Up from your slumber I see. Well you're just in time to endure in a friendly game of indoor miniature golf!
Squidward: I will not indulge in anything friendly or otherwise with the likes of you two! And presently I am heading back to enjoy a well-deserved mid morning nap!
Patrick: Aw. But we sculpted your likeness out of butter on hole five.
Squidward: I don't care! Listen up I will not be woken from my nap again and if I am I'm gonna...
Patrick: Join us on the back nine?
Squidward: Just don't let it happen again! Or else.
Squidward: I'm warning you two! Keep It Down!
Mr. Krabs: Ooh! Money! Money money money money money money money money money money!
Squidward: Folks we have a minor situation going on in the kitchen.
Mr. Krabs: What the devil fish is going on out here? Time is money! And if you boys is wasting time then you're wasting money! And that's just sick!
SpongeBob SquarePants: But we were performing a ritual to attract customers. And the only way the ritual can work is for us to get hurt. Real bad.
Mr. Krabs: What stupid barnacle told you that?
Plankton: I went to collage!
Patrick: It's a game! It's a game!
Plankton: Curse you Mr. Krabs!
Squidward: That's it I'm done!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward? What are you doing in the Fishtraps house?
Squidward: You idiots! It's not the Fishtraps house, it's your house and that is still Patrick's house! You just saw a commercial that's all!
Patrick: So is Nick Fishkins gonna live in my house?
Squidward: He doesn't live in the houses he buys.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well if he doesn't live in them what does he do with them?
Squidward: He flips the houses you dimwits! He buy houses then resells them for a profit! He flips houses for a living!
Patrick: He flips houses for a living?
Squidward: Yes! And i'm calling Nick Fishkins right now to come over and flip my house so i can move away!
Patrick: The artist needs a lunch break.
SpongeBob SquarePants: So this is work?
Patrick: You know it's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes I gotta move the antenna, sometimes i lose the remote and sometimes my butt itches real bad!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh you poor poor thing. By the way you forgot your briefcase!
Patrick: Oh so this is the thanks I get for working overtime?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Overtime!
Patrick: Yeah overtime pal. You know what that means? It means working when your just too tired to work You just keep going on working and working!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh boy yeah you're working and that's the kind of work you're doing? Show me where I can sign up for this because i've been working my fingers to the bone! You never help! Never!
SpongeBob SquarePants: All right Patrick we gotta get started painting this wall with the permanent paint we aren't allowed to get on anything but the wall. Well here we go.
French Narrator: One hour later...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Just a few more seconds of mental preparation and i'll be painting this wall.
French Narrator: Two hours later...
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm getting to the painting.
French Narrator: Three hours later...
Patrick: Can you move it along? I'm all out of time cards.
SpongeBob SquarePants: No problem. Here I go.