Lauren Graham credited as playing...
Lorelai Gilmore
- Lorelai: [walking into Luke's diner] Give me a burger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I need some heroes.
- [Luke and Lorelai's first real date; they have just read a long story on the back of a menu, hence the menu line]
- Lorelai: Hey, do you remember the first time we met?
- Luke: What?
- Lorelai: I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?
- Luke: [nods] It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person...
- Lorelai: Ooh, is it me? Is it me?
- Luke: This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy.
- Lorelai: [happily] Ooh, it's me.
- Luke: I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying - sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her.
- Lorelai: Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful.
- Luke: She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me.
- Lorelai: God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you?
- Luke: So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under Scorpio, she had written 'You will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away.' I gave her coffee.
- Lorelai: [grins] But she didn't go away.
- Luke: She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me -
- [takes a piece of paper from his wallet and gives it to her]
- Luke: one day it would bring me luck.
- Lorelai: [teasing] Well, man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee
- [reads it, grows serious]
- Lorelai: Um... I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet?
- [sees his face]
- Lorelai: You kept this in your wallet.
- Luke: Eight years.
- Lorelai: [emotionally] Eight years.
- Emily: You were on the phone?
- Richard: Long distance.
- Lorelai: God?
- Richard: London.
- Lorelai: God lives in London?
- Richard: My mother lives in London.
- Lorelai: Your mother is God?
- Richard: Lorelai...
- Lorelai: So, God *is* a woman.
- Richard: Lorelai.
- Lorelai: *And* a relative. That's so cool. I'm gonna totally ask for favors.
- Richard: Make her stop.
- Rory: Oh, that I could.
- Lorelai: Well, I can't take it back to Yale.
- Luke: I'm not storing your microbe mattress, forget it.
- Lorelai: Well, then I'm stuck here.
- Luke: Fine, because I need my truck back.
- Lorelai: Fine, but that leaves you with the mattress.
- Luke: I'm not taking the mattress.
- Lorelai: Then let me take the truck.
- Luke: But that means you take the mattress.
- Lorelai: I can't take the mattress.
- Luke: Then you can't have the truck.
- Lorelai: But that sticks you with the mattress.
- Luke: If you take the truck, it comes with the mattress.
- Lorelai: I can't take the mattress.
- Luke: Then you can't have the truck.
- Lorelai: And that sticks you with the mattress.
- Luke: We've been here before.
- Lorelai: I recognize that tree.
- [Luke thinks Lorelai is still dating Jason even though he, Luke, has 'made his intentions clear']
- Luke: I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy.
- Lorelai: I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!
- Luke: You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!
- Lorelai: I loved the flowers!
- Luke: And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment.
- Lorelai: There was! There was a moment.
- [Luke looks at her and then moves closer]
- Lorelai: What are you doing?
- Luke: Will you just stand still?
- [he gathers her in his arms and they kiss. Lorelai moves away, and then steps closer to Luke]
- Luke: What are you doing?
- Lorelai: Will you just stand still?
- [they kiss again]
- Rory: So, is this party Grandma's having going to be a big deal?
- Lorelai: Not really. The government will close that day. Flags will fly at half-mast. Barbra Streisand will give her final concert... again.
- Rory: Uh-huh.
- Lorelai: Now, the Pope has previous plans, but he's trying to get out of them. However, Elvis and Jim Morrison are coming and they're bringing chips.
- Jess: Hi.
- Rory: Hey.
- Jess: Hi.
- Lorelai: Hi.
- Jess: Hi.
- Luke: Hi.
- Rory: I have to get to school.
- Jess: Yeah, me too.
- Rory: Bye
- Jess: Bye. Bye.
- Lorelai: Bye.
- Rory: Bye.
- Lorelai: Bye.
- Rory: Bye.
- Luke: Bye.
- [Jess and Rory leave]
- Luke: What the hell was that?
- Lorelai: That was episode one of Rory and Jess: The Early Years.
- Lorelai: Mom, Dad, look. I know we've had our differences over where Rory should go to school, but that's behind us now. She's going to Yale, and, that's good. Really good
- Rory: Nothing but smiles.
- Lorelai: We're both really happy about it.
- Rory: Both.
- Lorelai: Her and me.
- Rory: She and I.
- Lorelai: Everybody in this room named Lorelai is over the moon about the going to Yale.
- Rory: Which means that everybody else in this room not named Lorelai can be, equally over the moon about the going to Yale.
- Lorelai: Heh, you know what I just realized? "Oy" is the funniest word in the entire world.
- Rory: Hmm.
- Lorelai: I mean think about it, you never hear the word "oy" and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.
- Emily: Oh dear God.
- Lorelai: "Poodle" is another funny word.
- Emily: Please drink your drink, Lorelai.
- Lorelai: In fact, if you put "oy" and "poodle" together, in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catchphrase, you know? Like, "Oy with the poodles already."
- Rory: Hehe.
- Lorelai: So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catchphrase:
- Rory: Oy with the poodles already.
- Lorelai: I'm telling you, it's knocking "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" right out of first place.
- Lorelai: Schooch down now and go to sleep.
- [she moves Rory's armchair]
- Rory: What are you doing?
- Lorelai: Nothing, just a little feng shui, go to sleep.
- Rory: Mom, you don't have to sleep in here tonight.
- Lorelai: I know, I just think the chair looks nice here.
- Rory: And what's the blanket for?
- Lorelai: In case the chair gets cold.
- Rory: And the pillow?
- Lorelai: To keep the blanket company.
- Rory: Uh-huh.
- Lorelai: Okay, everything's in its place. Chair seems warm, blanket seems happy, just one thing missing... oh yeah.
- [sits down in chair]
- Lorelai: Goodnight.
- Rory: Freak of sideshow proportions.
- Lorelai: I love you, too.
- Rory: Mom?
- Lorelai: Hmm?
- Rory: I'm sorry.
- Lorelai: Shh, the chair is trying to sleep.
- Lorelai: Oh, hi. You really like my table don't you?
- Joey: I was just, uh...
- Lorelai: Getting to know my daughter.
- Joey: Your...
- Rory: Are you my new daddy?
- Joey: Wow. You do not look old enough to have a daughter. No, I mean it. And you do not look like a daughter.
- Lorelai: That's possibly very sweet of you, Joey. Thanks.
- Joey: So... daughter. You know, I am traveling with a friend.
- Lorelai: She's sixteen.
- Joey: Bye.