Scott Patterson credited as playing...
Luke Danes
- [Luke and Lorelai's first real date; they have just read a long story on the back of a menu, hence the menu line]
- Lorelai: Hey, do you remember the first time we met?
- Luke: What?
- Lorelai: I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?
- Luke: [nods] It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person...
- Lorelai: Ooh, is it me? Is it me?
- Luke: This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy.
- Lorelai: [happily] Ooh, it's me.
- Luke: I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying - sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her.
- Lorelai: Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful.
- Luke: She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me.
- Lorelai: God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you?
- Luke: So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under Scorpio, she had written 'You will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away.' I gave her coffee.
- Lorelai: [grins] But she didn't go away.
- Luke: She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me -
- [takes a piece of paper from his wallet and gives it to her]
- Luke: one day it would bring me luck.
- Lorelai: [teasing] Well, man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee
- [reads it, grows serious]
- Lorelai: Um... I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet?
- [sees his face]
- Lorelai: You kept this in your wallet.
- Luke: Eight years.
- Lorelai: [emotionally] Eight years.
- Luke: I don't even like kids. They always have jam on their hands. Even when there isn't any jam in the house, they get jam on their hands. I can't deal with jam hands.
- Lorelai: Well, I can't take it back to Yale.
- Luke: I'm not storing your microbe mattress, forget it.
- Lorelai: Well, then I'm stuck here.
- Luke: Fine, because I need my truck back.
- Lorelai: Fine, but that leaves you with the mattress.
- Luke: I'm not taking the mattress.
- Lorelai: Then let me take the truck.
- Luke: But that means you take the mattress.
- Lorelai: I can't take the mattress.
- Luke: Then you can't have the truck.
- Lorelai: But that sticks you with the mattress.
- Luke: If you take the truck, it comes with the mattress.
- Lorelai: I can't take the mattress.
- Luke: Then you can't have the truck.
- Lorelai: And that sticks you with the mattress.
- Luke: We've been here before.
- Lorelai: I recognize that tree.
- [Luke thinks Lorelai is still dating Jason even though he, Luke, has 'made his intentions clear']
- Luke: I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy.
- Lorelai: I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!
- Luke: You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!
- Lorelai: I loved the flowers!
- Luke: And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment.
- Lorelai: There was! There was a moment.
- [Luke looks at her and then moves closer]
- Lorelai: What are you doing?
- Luke: Will you just stand still?
- [he gathers her in his arms and they kiss. Lorelai moves away, and then steps closer to Luke]
- Luke: What are you doing?
- Lorelai: Will you just stand still?
- [they kiss again]
- Jess: Hi.
- Rory: Hey.
- Jess: Hi.
- Lorelai: Hi.
- Jess: Hi.
- Luke: Hi.
- Rory: I have to get to school.
- Jess: Yeah, me too.
- Rory: Bye
- Jess: Bye. Bye.
- Lorelai: Bye.
- Rory: Bye.
- Lorelai: Bye.
- Rory: Bye.
- Luke: Bye.
- [Jess and Rory leave]
- Luke: What the hell was that?
- Lorelai: That was episode one of Rory and Jess: The Early Years.
- Luke: [Luke is buying self-help books but doesn't want Andrew to see them] What are you doing?
- Andrew: I have to ring them up.
- Luke: I ' ll just tell you the prices. This one is... $24.99.
- Andrew: That high?
- Luke: They're your prices!
- Andrew: Can I just see the book?
- Luke: I'm reading you the book. It says right here.
- [looks at the price again]
- Luke: Oh, wait - that's the Canadian price. $14.99.
- Andrew: Will you just let me scan the book?
- Luke: When you scan the book, do you see the title?
- Andrew: Yes.
- Luke: Then no.
- Andrew: Luke, come on! What do you got there, porn?
- Luke: You sell porn?
- Andrew: No!
- Luke: You think I brought my own porn in here to buy?
- Andrew: I don't know what you're doing. I just need to scan the books.
- Luke: [hands Andrew some money] This should cover it.
- Andrew: A hundred bucks? That's way too much!
- Luke: Take it.
- [he leaves, then comes back in]
- Luke: Bag.
- [Andrew hands him one, he leaves again]
- [Luke is trying to subtly flirt with Lorelai at his diner]
- Luke: Those jeans are really working for you.
- Lorelai: Yeah?
- Luke: They're working for me, too.
- Lorelai: You're flirting with me.
- Luke: Something like that.
- Lorelai: Finally. Do it some more.
- Luke: Your shoes work well with that... shirt.
- Lorelai: Gee, Carson, thanks.
- Lorelai: Lately I've been having these dark premonitions.
- Rory: About what?
- Luke: [handing Rory and Lorelai their food] Dead cow... and dead cow.
- Lorelai: That's weird.
- Rory: He's always weird.
- Lorelai: No, I mean my premonitions have been about death... about *my* death.
- Rory: I don't want to hear this!
- Lorelai: And the thing is, they're all silly.
- Rory: What do you mean silly?
- Lorelai: In one, I slip on a banana peel and fall into a giant vat of whipped cream.
- Rory: Silly and fattening.
- Lorelai: In another, a turtle eats me.
- Rory: A turtle? How?
- Lorelai: Very slowly. There's *lots* of chewing.
- Rory: And in your premonition you didn't run away from what is perhaps the slowest land animal on earth?
- Lorelai: His first bite injects me with immobilizing poison.
- Rory: Well, you left that part out.
- Lorelai: This last one's a little more gory. I'm hunting...
- Rory: [interrupts] A favorite Lorelai Gilmore pastime.
- Lorelai: ...and my shotgun backfires. My whole face spins around a bunch of times and winds up in the back of my head like Daffy Duck.
- Rory: That's the silliest one yet!
- Lorelai: Now if that's how I go, you have to promise to move my face back to the front of my head like Daffy did with his beak.
- Rory: I should really be writing this down.
- Lorelai: You can remember to move my face to the front of my head.
- Rory: It depends on what I have going on that week.