Saving Silverman (2001)

Amanda Peet: Judith

Photos 

Quotes 

• Wayne : So Darren tells me you're a psychologist.

  Judith : That's right.

  Wayne : I'm in a related field.

  Judith : Really? What is it?

  Wayne : Pest and rodent removal.

  Judith : How is that related?

  Wayne : We both help people.

• J.D. : Do you want a drink?

  Judith : Scotch on the rocks.

  J.D. : No problem. You want ice with that?

• [Darren has refused to stop seeing his friends or quit the band] 

  Judith : Ok, then. No more sex!

  Darren : What?

  Judith : You're not allowed to go down on me for a month!

  [Darren is about to speak, but Judith cuts him off] 

  Judith : Don't *make me* take away your masturbation privileges!

• [after Wayne, Sandy, and Neil Diamond crashed and ruined Judith's wedding by getting Darren back with Sandy, Judith becomes enraged with anger by walking towards Wayne and smacks him with a chair] 

  Judith : [screaming]  YOU RUINED MY LIFE!

  Wayne : [Judith pulls Wayne's legs]  Ah! But I saved Darren's!

  Judith : Just because I lost Darren doesn't mean I'm crazy enough to hook up with YOU!

  [Wayne yells and screams while throwing Judith to the aisle] 

  Wayne : Hey! Why can't you just admit that when you kissed me you liked it?

  Judith : Yeah, you're right. I have a weakness for incompotent morons.

  [Judith smacks Wayne in the mouth and one of his teeth come out his lips. Then Wayne does the same thing and Judith spits out the loose tooth] 

  Wayne : [choking each other]  Admit it! Aah! I'm the strong-willed, assertive man that you need and you're the hardcore bitch I've always dreamed of!

• Judith : Have you ever had a girlfriend?

  J.D. : Yes... No!

  Judith : Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a man?

  J.D. : Which man?

  Judith : Any man!

  J.D. : You mean like a tall man?

  Judith : Sure, whatever!

  J.D. : 'Cause I don't like tall people, they bother me!

  Judith : What about a short man?

  J.D. : How short? Some times people can be too short, that's weird like midgets!

  Judith : Have you ever fantasized about having sex with any man, any man at all?

  J.D. : Does that include celebrities?

• Darren : Hi, I'm Darren.

  [Judith looks confused and unimpressed] 

  Darren : Darren. My friend said you wanted to meet me.

  Judith : He lied.

  Darren : Haha, that's a good one.

  Judith : No, seriously. I don't want to meet you.

• J.D. : Judy, awesome to meet you.

  Judith : Jud-*ith*.

  J.D. : Judith. And a beer bong for the lady?

• Judith : I don't want your shitty old house or your dead grandmother.

  Wayne : I'll throw J.D. in. He doesn't look like much but girls call him the human power tool.

  J.D. : It's true!

• Judith : It took balls. Big balls.

• J.D. : What happened?

  Judith : [Karate yell]  Wah!

• [In the garage of his house, Wayne is chaining up Judith after she escaped] 

  Wayne : [Finishes]  There. That should keep you from escaping again. And this...

  [pulls out a Catcher's mask] 

  Wayne : this...

  [puts the mask on Judith's face] 

  Wayne : this should keep you from biting.

  Judith : How am I gonna eat?

  Wayne : I've thought of that.

  [Wayne shows Judith a jar filled with breakfast mash and a straw] 

  Judith : What is that?

  Wayne : It's breakfast. Pancakes, sausage, uh, hash brown, pop tart, pureed.

  Judith : [disgusted]  I'm not eating that shit. I want a Big Montana.

  Wayne : A what?

  Judith : A Big Montana from Arby's with curly fries.

  Wayne : No, I'm not gonna get you one. If you don't wanna eat what I've made for you, then you can starve.

  Judith : [freaks out]  Why are you doing this?

  Wayne : It's the only way to save our friendship.

  Judith : [calms down]  It doesn't seem like a friendship to me. It seems like you're in love with Darren.

  Wayne : Bullshit!

  [chuckles] 

  Wayne : I am so un-gay.

  Judith : Okay, fine. Let's pretend for a second that you're straight. When the last time you've got any?

  Wayne : That's none of your business.

  Judith : So it's been years?

  Wayne : I'm waiting for the right woman.

  Judith : There is no right woman for you, Wayne. If my guess is, if there ever was, you've already met her and she's either killed herself or become a lesbian.

  Wayne : [yells]  Up yours!

  Judith : Go to hell!

  Wayne : Skank!

  Judith : Eunuch!

  Wayne : [screams]  Stealer... of my FRIEND!

• [Wayne and JD have tried to convince Judith to leave Darren, unsuccessfully] 

  Judith : He's my puppet now. And I'm the puppet master.