Gord Brody: I wanna eat chicken burgers.
Gord Brody: [playing the sausage organ] Daddy, would you like some sausage? Daddy, would you like some sausage?
Julie Brody: Gordie, sit down. We're having roast beef.
Gord Brody: Why do you guys always have roast beef?
Jim: Boo-hoo. Little Lord Fauntleroy's tummy hurts because there's too much roast beef in it.
Gord Brody: It's just boring.
[Opens bag, pulls out a chicken sandwich]
Gord Brody: I'm eating a chicken sandwich.
Jim: No, you're not!
Gord Brody: This is crazy. I'm a 28-year-old man, I should be able to eat a chicken sandwich if I want.
Jim: He's 28 years old and he can eat a chicken sandwich. Very Impressive. Mike Fitzgibbon's son is a nuclear physicist, and my son can eat a chicken!
[Grabs chicken sandwich, throws it to the dogs]
Julie Brody: Jim, no!
Jim: You can either eat that goddamn roast beef, or you can go to bed.
[Gord leaves the room]
Jim: Ohhh, look, honey, our boy's a genius! He's rigged a pulley system so he can eat sausage and work on his stupid drawings.
Gord Brody: Look, Daddy, I'm a farmer.
Gord Brody: [Dressed in his father's suit, back to front] I'm the backwards man, the backwards man, the backwards man, I can walk backwards as fast as you can, I can walk backwards as fast as you can.
Gord: Daddy, we're in Pakistan. Let's sew some soccer balls.
Jim: Hey, Gord, the water cold enough for ya?
[Turns the water temperature down, breaks into the bathroom, flushes the toilet]
Jim: Don't tell me this boy's so stupid that he doesn't know the difference between hot and cold.
[opens shower to find God with Soap-on-a-Rope in scuba gear]
Jim: Hey, what are ya doing in my scuba gear?
Gord: Look, I found a treasure.
Jim: That's a Soap-on-a-Rope.
Gord: Shhh, I'm pretending it's a treasure.
Jim: [after he leaves Gord in the shower] You retard!
Jim: Miserable deadbeat punk. Paid for his damn college. Sits around all day wacking off. Proud? My ASS.
Gord Brody: You can't hurt me, not with my cheese helmet!
Gord Brody: There's my LeBaron. Where's your LeBaron?
Jim: You BETTER run. You LIIIIIAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR.
Gord Brody: [playing violin wildly] This is a fancy restaurant. This is a fancy restaurant.
Gord Brody: I hope I get a jobby, Freddy. I've got my fingers crossed... crossed... crossed... crossed... cross... ed.
Darren: [Gord is working on his skate ramp in the middle of the night, hammering nails loudly] Gord, don't hammer them so loud! Jeez, it's late, you're gonna wake your parents up.
Gord: You're right, I should probably use the electric nail gun.
Darren: Well, yeah.
[Uses the nail gun, making even louder noise. Jim wakes up]
Jim: Oh, boys, will you faggots stop making so fucking much noise? We're trying to sleep!
[Gord continues to use the nail gun]
Jim: Stop the fucking hammering!
Mr. Malloy: Hey, I got a kid sleeping over here!
Andy Malloy: Hey, Gord, can I play on your ramp tomorrow?
Gord: Sure. Andy! Anytime!
Jim: [shouts at the top of his lungs, goes back into the house]
Darren: Does your dad have, like, bowel problems?
Gord Brody: He's a molester! He's a CHILLLLLLLLD MOLESTER!
Sandwich Customer: This cheese sandwich.
Gord Brody: What?
Sandwich Customer: It doesn't have enough cheese in it.
Gord Brody: Well... we can't have that, 'cause, you know, a cheese sandwich with no cheese, it's just... two pieces of bread, and you know what? I could LOSE MY JOB. I could lose ALL THIS.
[starts cramming all the cheese slices on the counter into the sandwich]
Gord Brody: So you can... have... all... the cheese... you want.
[throws the stack of cheese slices and bread at the customer]
Sandwich Customer: What the hell do you expect me to do with this?
Gord Brody: Well, I don't know. You could... SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUM-BUM.
[customer walks out disgusted]
Gord Brody: Yooou... can... put... the... cheeese... in... your... bum...
Gord Brody: Ding dong! I'm a sexy boy!
Gord: Don't touch my shoulder, I saved the day.
Betty: But, Gord, I don't care about jewels, I just want to suck your cock.
Jim: He said 'Fuck you, Dad'. So I said 'Fuck you, fuck me. Fuck you, fuck me"... and I NEVER FINGERED FREDDY.
[Andy Malloy looks at Jim while playing catch and gets hit in mouth with baseball, cries]
Gord Brody: Japan Four.
Jim: [screaming at the top of his lungs after Darren breaks his leg skateboarding in the middle of the night] You little shit, you think that's funny? I gotta go to work tomorrow! Get the hell of my property!
[throws the skateboard at Darren's broken leg]
Gord Brody: Dad, what the fuck, he hurt his leg!
Jim: Why's everybody screaming like a banshee?
[notices Darren's exposed bone on his leg]
Jim: Jesus Christ.
Jim: Well, get him a job! I mean, get HIM an ambulance, YOU get a job!
[Gord licks Darren's bone, Jim slaps Gord]
Jim: Stop that, what the hell do you think you're doing?
Jim: Get out of the toilet!
Jim: Where the fuck is the water?
Gord Brody: I see the problem here. There's a baby in your body.
Harry: You hear the funny sound? You hear the funny sound? It's my hooves. It's my hooves.
Gord Brody: This is "Little Timmy". He gets us food and stuff. Right, Little Timmy?
Jim: What the fuck is going on, Gord? Why aren't you at your new job?
Gord Brody: What are you talking about, Timmy?
Jim: Gord... Jesus. There ain't no big computer job... is there? You're just gallivantin' around in my suit pretending to be some kind of mover 'n shaker aren't you?
Gord: Ahhh... Freddy. Freddy.
Freddy Brody: Is that um...
Jim: That's your big brother. He couldn't handle the complexities of making a cheese sandwich, so now he's back here at home with us... jeez, is that idiot still in the shower? Shit. How much water is he gonna use?
Freddy Brody: How much is he gonna use? All of it? Save some for the fish or something. Right, Pop? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.
Psychiatrist: Mr. Brody, this is very serious. Based on what I have heard today, I am required by law to notify the authorities.
Doctor: You did not save the day!
Jim: What are you looking at... bitch?
Zebra Character: Hear that funny sound? It's my hooves! Listen to my hooooooves!
Jim: [to Betty] If this was Pakistan, you'd be sewing soccer balls.