Dominic Keating credited as playing...
Lt. Malcolm Reed • Maj. Malcolm Reed
- [Upon waking up bound in a basement on Risa]
- Commander Tucker: You think this is my fault?
- Lt. Reed: You were willing to follow two strange aliens into a basement.
- Commander Tucker: Gorgeous aliens. Don't forget they were gorgeous.
- Lt. Reed: They were male.
- Commander Tucker: Not at first.
- Lt. Reed: So what is happening between you and Amanda?
- Commander Tucker: We are just friends. Is everyone on this ship watching us?
- Lt. Reed: You're hard to miss.
- Commander Tucker: That's what T'Pol said.
- Lt. Reed: Is it true that she's giving Amanda neuropressure now? I heard it was damage control from your tender touch.
- Commander Tucker: T'Pol's just smoothing out some of the rough spots.
- [very clipped voice]
- Commander Tucker: That's all.
- Lt. Reed: Why were you giving Amanda Cole neuropressure anyway?
- Commander Tucker: [very defensive] What's it to you?
- Lt. Reed: Well, from what I've been told it's a pretty intimate procedure. Sure you're just friends?
- Commander Tucker: I do it with T'Pol. Are you implying that there is something going on there, as well?
- Lt. Reed: That's the rumor.
- Commander Tucker: For the last time, there is nothing going on with any of us. Between any of us.
- Lt. Reed: Right. Just friends?
- Commander Tucker: That's right.
- Lt. Reed: I guess this Vulcan neuropressure isn't that intimate after all.
- Commander Tucker: Exactly.
- Lt. Reed: In that case, I've got this nasty little pain...
- Commander Tucker: [voice very clipped] Just drop it.
- Commander Tucker: Where did you put the phase pistols?
- Lt. Reed: You're going to shoot a bug?
- Commander Tucker: I'm just going to stun it.
- Commander Tucker: You did all that... with a phase pistol?
- Lt. Reed: You're good at building things. I'm good at blowing them up.
- [Malcolm mentions he is going to reread Ulysses]
- Commander Tucker: I'd rather realign every microcircuit on this shuttle than try to read through that baby.
- Lt. Reed: British schools have a core curriculum. It serves to provide a well-rounded education. Sometimes I think you North Americans read nothing but comic books and those ridiculous science fiction novels.
- Commander Tucker: I'll have you know that Superman was laced with metaphor. Subtext layered on subtext.
- Lt. Reed: All we have left is to reset the emitters.
- Lieutenant Talas: What's the frequency?
- Lt. Reed: I'll do it.
- Lieutenant Talas: You don't trust me.
- Lt. Reed: No offence, but when it comes to our weapons frequencies, I wouldn't trust my own mother.
- Lieutenant Talas: Is your mother considered a security risk?
- Lt. Reed: It's just an expression.
- Lieutenant Talas: An odd one. My mother's security clearance is higher than mine.
- Lt. Reed: What do you think of T'Pol, hmm? Do you think she's pretty?
- Commander Tucker: T'Pol? Are you serious?
- Lt. Reed: Well, she is a woman you know. I think she's pretty.
- Commander Tucker: You've had too much to drink.
- Lt. Reed: Don't tell me you've never noticed her, you know, in that way.
- Commander Tucker: Nah, she's a Vulcan.
- Lt. Reed: I think she's pretty.
- Commander Tucker: Oh, God.
- Lt. Reed: You ever noticed her bum?
- Commander Tucker: What?
- Lt. Reed: Her bum. She's got an awfully nice bum.
- Commander Tucker: [toasts] To Subcommander T'Pol.
- Lt. Reed: Awfully nice.
- [Lt. Reed has a bad case of the cold]
- Lt. Reed: [sneezes] We can travel faster than the speed of light. You'd think we could find a cure for the common cold.
- Dr. Phlox: You should be grateful. A human cold is so mild. I once had a patient with the Kamaraazite flu. He sneezed so violently, he nearly regurgitated his pineal gland.
- Dr. Phlox: Lieutenant? Are you passing through or is there something I can help you with?
- Lt. Reed: Actually, there is something.
- Dr. Phlox: Yes?
- Lt. Reed: I assume I can depend on doctor-patient confidentiality?
- Dr. Phlox: This wouldn't have anything to do with gastrointestinal distress?
- Lt. Reed: Is it that obvious?
- Dr. Phlox: Not at all. There's a notation in your medical file. Something about, er, an unfortunate incident during zero-G training.
- Lt. Reed: The EV simulator at Lunaport. Or, as Starfleet trainees call it: the Vomitorium.
- Lt. Reed: I've also been working on a new alert signal. Tell me what you think.
- [pushes button, and a highly annoying sound goes off]
- Lt. Reed: Or this one?
- [pushes another button, another irritating sound]
- Commander Tucker: [looks highly annoyed, then deactivates sound]
- Lt. Reed: Which one do you prefer?
- Commander Tucker: For what?
- Lt. Reed: A tactical alert!
- Commander Tucker: They both sound like a bag full of cats!
- Lt. Reed: Well, they were designed to get your attention!
- [about phase pistols]
- Lt. Reed: They have two settings: stun and kill... It'd be best not to confuse them.
- [the Andorian Lieutenant Talas is helping Lt. Reed with fixing Enterprise]
- Lieutenant Talas: For what it's worth, Lieutenant, I'm not here to steal your secrets. It would hardly be worth the effort.
- Lt. Reed: I beg your pardon?
- Lieutenant Talas: Last time I saw weapons like these was during my early tactical training.
- Lt. Reed: [sarcastically] Sorry I wasted your time on our primitive systems.
- Lieutenant Talas: Not at all. I found it nostalgic.
- [Reed sneers indignantly]
- Lieutenant Talas: Just be careful when you reconnect that to your power grid. You didn't reset the EPS synchroniser. You may singe your eyebrows when you bring it back online.
- Commander Tucker: I'm gonna have to put you up on report.
- Lt. Reed: I saved your life.
- Commander Tucker: You disobeyed a direct order.
- Lt. Reed: If you put that in my file, it will be years before I am up for a pro...
- [notices Trip is laughing]
- Lt. Reed: You're pulling my leg.
- Commander Tucker: [can't stop laughing] Malcolm, you're just so easy.
- [about the transporter]
- Lt. Reed: I don't think I'm quite ready to have my molecules compressed into a data stream.
- [they are on an alien vessel which is blowing up all around them]
- Commander Tucker: You did all this with just a phase pistol?
- Lt. Reed: You're good at building things, I'm good at blowing them up.
- [Malcolm has just awoken from a fantasy about T'Pol]
- Lt. Reed: What's that?
- Commander Tucker: I got the receiver working but the transmitter's a lost cause. Who's Stinky?
- Lt. Reed: I beg your pardon?
- Commander Tucker: You were talking in your sleep. Kept calling for some guy named Stinky.
- [Archer, Tucker and Reed are highly agitated from a nearby radiation source]
- Commander Tucker: [showing Archer his schematics for the new Captain's chair] You might want to see this, sir! Interactive status displays, secondary helm control. It's even got inertial micro-dampers. The ship could be shakin' apart and you'd hardly feel a thing!
- Lt. Reed: [frustrated] You ignored a Tactical Alert for this?
- Commander Tucker: [ignores Reed] I want to run some colours by you for the head rest.
- Lt. Reed: This is all a big joke to you!
- Commander Tucker: [to Reed] Give it a rest!
- Lt. Reed: This isn't a bloody pleasure cruise! Without proper discipline on this ship, this mission is doomed!
- Commander Tucker: [highly annoyed] Why don't you play soldier somewhere else?
- Lt. Reed: [with suppressed anger] If this were a military situation, you'd be taken out and shot!
- [Tucker and Reed start fighting]
- Captain Archer: Hey!
- [he breaks them apart, then slams Tucker against the wall.]
- Captain Archer: I don't care what colour the headrest is, or whether it can serve me ice-tea! I just want to sit when I'm on duty!
- [releases Tucker, then slams Reed against the wall.]
- Captain Archer: And if I hear that alarm one more time, I may have *you* taken out and shot!
- [releases Reed, then turns to T'Pol.]
- Captain Archer: Unless there's a *real* emergency, like a reactor breach, I don't want to be disturbed!
- [Lt. Reed's stomach has been mutated]
- Lt. Reed: Have you got anything for my stomach? Chef's food isn't sitting too well.
- Dr. Phlox: Till your digestive tract is fully restored, you may want to avoid Mess Hall.
- Lt. Reed: What do you suggest I eat?
- Dr. Phlox: You're welcome to some of the moth larvae I feed to my Pyrithian bat.