Heist (2001)

Danny DeVito: Mickey Bergman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bergman : Don't you want to hear my last words?

  Joe Moore : I just did.

• Bergman : Everybody needs money. That's why they call it money.

• Joe Moore : Anybody can get the goods. The hard part's getting away.

  Bergman : Uh-huh.

  Joe Moore : You plan a good enough getaway, you could steal Ebbets Field.

  Bergman : Ebbets Field's gone.

  Joe Moore : What did I tell you?

• Bergman : What's that lady see in you, anyway?

  Joe Moore : I'm resilient.

  Bergman : So's Gumby.

  Joe Moore : I got a better profile.

• Bergman : What, do you want to tell me what made you a criminal?

  Joe Moore : What made *you* a criminal?

  Bergman : Nothing made me a criminal. I *am* a criminal.

• Bergman : OK, you want to wrap it up? Or you want to just stand around here, try to guess my real name?

  Joe Moore : What is your real name?

  Bergman : Rumpelstiltskin.

  Joe Moore : What was it before you changed it?

• Bergman : Where's the gold?

  Pinky : You know, I'm reluctant to tell you.

  Bergman : When we put it to you, you know when we put it to you, you're gonna be telling us the gross national product of Bolivia.

  Pinky : Hey...

  Bergman : You're gonna be telling us the area codes of Belgium and Luxembourg.

• Bergman : How do you pick up your share? Where's the gold? Where's the meet?

  Pinky : What're you gonna do, hurt me?

  Bergman : Well, no, actually, no. I'm not gonna hurt you. But tell a guy, I'm full of admiration. What was the deal? What was the deal?

  Pinky : The way you're looking at the deal, the deal was we get away with the gold. Cute, huh?

  Bergman : No, that's charming. And then what?

  Pinky : We slip away.

  Bergman : You slip away? And me and my guys, we go to the meet and we find a truck full of pig iron. Is that the thing?

  Pinky : Well, Joe figured you weren't ever going to the meet.

  Bergman : He did? You know, your guy doesn't get it in his head to fly off on a variation, we're all out on the patio right now, we're all having a margarita! Where's the gold?

  Pinky : You understand my reluctance to tell you.

• Bergman : Where's the gold?

  Joe Moore : In the heart of the pure.

• Bergman : Are you fuckin' with me? Are you FUCKIN' with me? Or are you done FUCKIN' with me? Because I've just financialized the problem, and you've just become more trouble than you're worth.

• Bergman : I hate to do anything as dramatic as count to three but one, two, three.

• Bergman : Lemme add this sweetener: you do the fuckin' job, or else I'm gonna turn you over. I'm gonna drop a Roosevelt dime on your ass. 'Finita la commedia.' How strict is that, you fuckin' vontz? I'm sorry that I hafta use such language in front of a woman, were it not for whom I'd waste your fucking ass.

• Bergman : I'm your partner. I don't set you up, what do you got? liddle lamzy divey.

• Bergman : Ain't you a piece of work?

  Fran Moore : Yeah. I came all the way from China in a matchbox.

• Bergman : This other thing, the Swiss thing, if I was a publisher I'd publish the plans.

  Bobby Blane : Why don't you publish the plans?

  Bergman : Yeah, no, I said that's what I would do if I was a publisher. Unfortunately, I'm a thief so I have to do that thing.

• Bergman : You should have popped the girl.

  Joe Moore : Well, you should have been there.

• Joe Moore : Where's my wife?

  Bergman : Let me tell you something about your girl Joe, she's a whore.