Andy: I swear to Christ I heard a goddamned Dracula underneath my bed!
Director: Hey, Daphne... you can lip-sync if you want...
Daphne: Oh, ok, and you can just spite me 'cause this bitch ain't no Milli Vanilli.
Daphne: I'm going to my trailer. TJ, trailer...
Andy Dick: [doing an Anti-Drug commercial] Drugs... aren't that bad.
[Ashton Kutcher drops Andy's Dead Cat]
Andy: Ashton Kutcher killed my cat!
Ashton Kutcher: Goddamnit Andy, That cat is dead!
Andy: Yeah, because of you catkiller! Are you gonna go out and drown some puppies now? How about strangle some babies while your at it! YOU KILLED MY CAT ASHTON KUTCHER, I HATE YOU!
Andy Dick: [doing a documentary on a man who thinks his racist dad was a superhero] My Daddy's superhero name was Kaptain Klean, but i don't know what the other K stands for.
Daphne: [on a "Making the Video" parody] The concept of this video is: I'm so hot, everyone wants to screw me, and that's pretty much it.
Andy: [as a designer on a makeover show, after giving the woman getting made-over shoes made from car tires] Not only are these shoes roomy, but they also provide all-weather traction.
FEAR Contestant: BUT I'M THE SAFETY!
Medical Patient: I have cancer.
Andy: No, you mean you have ANGELS!
Medical Patient: No I have cancer.
Andy: [as Peebop the Clown] Your grandpa went to the big ice cream parlor in the sky!
Andy: You guys are acting like stupid people. Like a bunch of stupid poor people! Like a bunch of stupid, poor ethnic people!