Andy: I swear to Christ I heard a goddamned Dracula underneath my bed!

Director: Hey, Daphne... you can lip-sync if you want...

Daphne: Oh, ok, and you can just spite me 'cause this bitch ain't no Milli Vanilli.

Daphne: I'm going to my trailer. TJ, trailer...

Andy Dick: [doing an Anti-Drug commercial] Drugs... aren't that bad.

[Ashton Kutcher drops Andy's Dead Cat]

Andy: Ashton Kutcher killed my cat!

Ashton Kutcher: Goddamnit Andy, That cat is dead!

Andy: Yeah, because of you catkiller! Are you gonna go out and drown some puppies now? How about strangle some babies while your at it! YOU KILLED MY CAT ASHTON KUTCHER, I HATE YOU!

Andy Dick: [doing a documentary on a man who thinks his racist dad was a superhero] My Daddy's superhero name was Kaptain Klean, but i don't know what the other K stands for.

Daphne: [on a "Making the Video" parody] The concept of this video is: I'm so hot, everyone wants to screw me, and that's pretty much it.

Andy: [as a designer on a makeover show, after giving the woman getting made-over shoes made from car tires] Not only are these shoes roomy, but they also provide all-weather traction.

[repeated line]

FEAR Contestant: BUT I'M THE SAFETY!

Medical Patient: I have cancer.

Andy: No, you mean you have ANGELS!

Medical Patient: No I have cancer.

Andy: [as Peebop the Clown] Your grandpa went to the big ice cream parlor in the sky!

Andy: You guys are acting like stupid people. Like a bunch of stupid poor people! Like a bunch of stupid, poor ethnic people!