Sealab 2021 (2000–2005)

Erik Estrada: Marco Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Marco Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar Diego Garcia Marquez

Quotes 

• Sparks : Um, ok, but remember, you'll have the strength of five gorillas.

  Debbie DuPree : Why settle for a cat Hesh? You could be a robot... tiger.

  Marco : No, no, no! Absolamente no! If I have to be five foot nothing Hesh can't be a tiger!

  Captain Murphy : Your not the boss of tiger bot Hesh!

• Marco : Once again, your stupidity has killed us!

• Marco : When I wear blue, I am like the wind. A hot LATIN wind!

• Derek 'Stormy' Waters : Okay, okay. So, say I put my brain in a robot body and there's a war. Robots versus humans. What side am I on?

  Debbie DuPree : Humans! You have a human brain.

  Sparks : But... the humans discriminate against you. You can't even vote!

  Marco : We'd better not have to live on a reservation. That would really chap my caboose.

  Captain Murphy : Yeah, but... nobody knows you're a robot. You look the same.

  Debbie DuPree : Uh, uh. Dogs know. That's how the humans hunt you.

  Derek 'Stormy' Waters : They're gonna' hunt me? For sport?

  Marco : That's why we have to CRUSH mankind! So you might as well get on board for the big win, Stormy.

• Marco : What kind of benefits are we talking about here? Hypothetically.

  Sparks : Uhh, you gotta check with henchman resources on that, it's not my department. But you will get a helmet and jumpsuit. Oh yeah, and metal teeth.

  [Marco imagines himself with helmet jumpsuit and metal teeth] 

  Marco : That helmet makes me look like Ralph, you know, the motorcycle mouse.

  Sparks : How about a beret?

  Marco : Yeah, I can do a beret.

  Sparks : You're lucky. A lot of guys can't.

• Marco : You know, you throw a pretty good punch, Captain.

  Captain Murphy : Well, there were a lot of bullies in my neighborhood when I was a kid.

  Marco : Your dad got you boxing lessons?

  Captain Murphy : No, I just got beat up a lot. So now when I get the chance I like to sucker punch people.

• [Almost directly taken from Apocalypse Now] 

  Captain Murphy : Did they say why they want to terminate my command?

  Marco : They told me that you had gone totally insane, and that your methods were unsound.

  Captain Murphy : Are my methods unsound?

  Marco : I don't see any method at all, sir.

  Captain Murphy : Are you an assassin?

  Marco : I'm a soldier.

  Captain Murphy : You're neither. You're an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill. SO WET WILLIE FOR YOU!

• Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn : [concerning the gloops overrunning the station]  Marco, are you in or out?

  Marco : Man... I'm torn between my love of gloops and my love of killing

  [the gloop in his hand farts] 

  Marco : ... OK! Let's grease 'em!

• Marco : [sung to the tune of Jingle Bells]  Dolphin meat! Dolphin meat! Nature's greatest treat! Oh what fun, it is to eat That damn, damn dolphin meat!

• Marco : I have the strength of a bear that has the strength of *two* bears!

• Captain Murphy : Marco! Hey, buddy, you wanna... I don't know, hang out or play a game?

  Marco : I'm a little busy here, sir. Trying to keep a trillion-dollar research station running smoothly.

  Captain Murphy : Ooh, fun. I'll be the mommy.

• [Murphy has sent the crew to salvage treasure from a wrecked ship] 

  Captain Murphy : No pirates, they're paranoid! They've probably got the gold hidden in their butts! Bust open a few skeletons.

  Marco : We're not messing with those nasty old skeletons.

  [pause] 

  Captain Murphy : You're an ass.

• [the crew discusses what it will be like when they all become robots] 

  Marco : I can chew nails and shoot them out as bullets right?

  Sparks : Nails, chains, you won't have titanium teeth for nothing.

  Captain Murphy : Nails are like candy to robots, and we'll eat tires instead of licorice.

  Debbie DuPree : [laughs]  No we won't.

  Captain Murphy : Maybe YOU won't!

• Marco : Santa Maria! Captain you cannot punish the crew like this. They will mutiny!

  Captain Murphy : I will slaughter them like a wolf among lambs! The seas will run red with the blood of my enemies!

  Sparks : Take it easy there Tamberlain, sir.

• [the Sealab crew are trapped in the utility closet and Murphy has badly beaten the technician "Beard Guy" and he's just woken up] 

  Beard Guy : Ugh... my face...

  Marco : Oh, you're awake! Excellent.

  Beard Guy : [badly disoriented]  When old guy hit me...

  Marco : Fix away!

  Beard Guy : ...I think I got my think a concussion.

  Marco : Waitin' on you!

  Beard Guy : ...now... cause remember I can't fix stuff?

  Debbie DuPree : Oh, great! Now what do we do?

  Beard Guy : I gotta lay down back... 'cause our concussion had me sleepy.

  [Beard Guy drops to his knees and collapses onto the floor] 

  Marco : ...can't fix it laying down, baby.

• Marco : Stormy, get ahold of yourself! Now, use your pincer and grab the squid's tentacle.

  Captain Murphy : Oh, yeah, and tell him to cough.

  Marco : I said *tentacle*!

• Marco : Calm down, I'll see what I can do about finding your little toy.

  Captain Murphy : It's not a toy. It makes real cupcakes, with a 40 watt bulb, and there's icing packets. But the secret ingredient is love. Damn it.

  Marco : Just try to calm down, go have some pudding.

  Captain Murphy : Pudding can't fill the emptiness inside me! But it'll help.