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  • Warning: Spoilers
    "Ich pfeif' auf schöne Männer" is a German television film from 2001, so this one is really old now already and in March it will have its 20th anniversary. To make it easier to understand how old it is, let me say that gap between now and then when this was made/released is basically as big as the gap between the year 2000 and the 1980. This makes it obvious I suppose. And still it is on national television nowadays. Which is a shame because of the agge, but especially because this is a really, really poor movie from beginning to end. The title makes it obvious already. It is a common saying early on, so "pfeif'" is totally difficult to translate, but you could say that this means somethhing like "I can very well do without beautiful men" in the sense of not having any interest in them. So you see the title and poster as well make it obvious that you are not in for a quality watch here. This is based on a novel by Tina Grube and it is the second book from her that got turned into a movie. The first ("Men are like chocolate" smh) happened two years earlier, still in the old millennium, and actually this film we have here is a sequel to that film from 1999. So it is really safe to say that the book must be as bad as the writer was, even after the first (most likely equally horrible) movie ready and willing to have another book being turned into a film here. This movie runs for under 1.5 hours as they usually do and the director is Helmut Metzger and the fact that his last decade of filmmaking consisted almost exclusively of terrible Katie Fforde explanations is pretty self-explanatory. Also that before that everything he did was equally low quality. The man turned 60 last year and even if he lived for another 60 years, he would probably never manage to come up with a high-quality film. It may sound harsh, but it is the truth. Then again, I frequently say that the script is always more crucial than the direction in determining if a film is good or not, so you can only blame him for so much, but when literally every film in his body of work is a mess, there is no way I can go easy on him. He does not have to accept these projects either. The writer, i.e. the one who adapted the novel, is Dagmar Ungureit. And while she has been a producer many times, still is today, this film we have here is her one and only writing credit according to imdb. Certainly a good thing, especially as most of the stuff she worked on in the production area is also not good at all. Especially everything pretty recently. These SOKO series are truly the epitome of simple and uninspired police action on German television. Completely void of talent. Her fairytale stuff may be a bit better I don't know. But back to this one here: As for the cast, the lead actress is again, as in the previous film, Jennifer Nitsch, who died less than five years after this film a most untimely and most bizarre death sadly. I still cannot call her a good actress because of that because that would be a lie. She's probably much more about looks than about talent and if i say that as somebody who is not really into blondes, then this means quite something. Maybe a bit also about recognition value. But she never manages to truly elevate the really low material here whatsoever. As for the rest of the cast, there are some names that German film buffs wil certainly recognize: Peter Sattmann of course, who I have seen in quite a few films recently, but not liked too much. Stefan Jürgens, who is one I appreciate since "RTL Samstag Nacht", but it is a bit sad he has been in several of these really trashy movies. And Ulrich Matthes' brother is on board too. Can't say anything else about him. Axel Pape also sounds somewhat familiar, so certainly more recognizable males in here than females. One who I totally did not recognize was Robert Giggenbach despite the significance of his role. He is probably the closest to being a co-lead to Nitsch's character.

    Alright, now a little talk about why I felt this film sucked. First of all, I indeed do not know if the book is as bad, but what I saw here simply did not see accurate for a movie. The big problem is there are far too many characters and they are trying to give each one of them a story, but the result is an even bigger mess. Nothing feels authentic or realistic. Maybe I only say this because I like Jürgens, but the story between his character and Sattmann's (and a gay story was certainly a bit on the progressive side still back in 2001) was still a bit among the better. Nonetheless, it did not feel realistic with the closure and happy ending there how Sattmann's character kisses Jürgens' in front of everybody looking at how uncomfortable he was when it came to depicting their love just minutes earlier. Felt very for the sake of it. Oh that reminds me, there is also an actor from "Mein Leben & ich" in here, the one who plays the father there, but his role in this movie here is truly minimal. Okay, let's not drift away. The allegedly smart moments also felt very shallow to me. The best example is maybe the scene at the church with the ringing phone at the very beginning and very end and still how different these to evolve. Obviously looking at when they take place in terms of the time and chronology. There we also have a prime example (or two) of how this film gets it all wrong in terms of comedy. I am of course talking about the aforementioned ringing phones and yeah of course in the end it is the one from the priest itself. And of course, he takes the call and does not simply turn it off because not only he is working, but also this is among the most memorable moments in the lives of the two protagonists here. Sigh. But at least our heroes finish the ceremony together. So there is a happy ending. Of course, a really exaggerated happy ending and not particularly realistic again, but at least the positive consequence from all that is that they never made a third movie. The reason is maybe that this one here was not too much of a success or maybe there also is not a third book. In any case, I don't think Nitsch's death was the problem and if she had lived longer, I am pretty convinced that this also would not have turned into a trilogy. But it's not important anyway. As long as there is not a third film. Two are already two too many and I can safely say that withouth even having seen the first. Also thumbs-down for everybody who decided to return for this sequel despite knowing how the first film turned out and this refers to people who were part of the cast as well as those that were part of the crew here. Alright, what else can I say? I mean I really did not like this film and you certainly got it by now. If I did not have a soft spot for Jürgens and he is featured in here a lot really luckily, then I would have hated it even more. I mean the worst is really that they were completely serious with this entire romance story here and everything linked to it. The idea of her being stuck between two men was already nothing particularly new and creative, even back in 2001, but especially not the way it was depicted in here. And don#t even get me started on the wedding proposal at the end. It is always funny how couples after conflicts so many times do not only simply solve their conflict, but they solve it by one (usually the male) proposing to the other (usually the female) and she forgives him for what a fool he was (these films are mostly for female audiences of course) and then everything and everybody is happy again. Of course, marriage was also something pretty different in terms of significance and importance 20 years ago. Up to you to decide if that's a good thing. i think some traditions are not too bad. As long as they are not depicted the way they are in this movie. Highly not recommended. Shameful really what ARD and their smaller stations are doing with our GEZ money. Producing trashy films like this and still putting them on display 20 years later which costs them exactly nothing. And don#t even get me started about the "neutral" news coverage. But I'm drifting away now, so I shall stop. But not by saying once more that this movie is one you really wanna skip at all costs. Fat thumbs-down.