Cheyenne: You're leaving? Who's going to watch Elizabeth?

Reba: Oooh, that was close. I almost left her alone with her parents!

Van Montgomery: They all want grandchildren, but they never think of the consequences...

Barbra Jean: Maybe next time I'll marry someone whose ex-wife appreciates me!

Barbra Jean: [talking about her wedding] I never wanted to get married in the Virgin Islands.

Reba: Too ironic for ya?

Reba: Do you know what a teenager is?

Barbra Jean: A demon?

Reba: Kyra, what on Earth would make you wanna hit someone?

Cheyenne: It's her way of showing affection.

Kyra: Yeah, that's right. Now, why don't you come over here for a little hug?

Dolly Majors: And you are gonna be the prettiest woman in the office!

Reba: Oh, second to you!

Dolly Majors: Hey, we're not comparing apples and melons here.

[Van is sleeping, drooling on his sheets. Reba comes in telling him to wake up]

Van Montgomery: Awwww! I was dreaming about waffles!

Reba: I know what Kyra is doing!

Brock Hart: Like you did with Cheyenne?

Reba: Oh, one time! The one time our daughter gets pregnant and I never hear the end of it!

Reba: You treat that animal like it can walk on water!

Barbra Jean: What is 'dog' spelled backwards, Reba?

[conversation about why Barbra Jean's dog is missing goes on for another two minutes]

Van Montgomery: 'GOD'! It spells 'God.'

Electrician: [to Barbra Jean, about Reba] Wow, your mom's a real grouch.

Barbra Jean: [Barbra Jean looks flattered] I know, right?

Cheyenne: [about Kyra living with Barbra Jean and Brock] She must be making their lives a living nightmare.

Reba: [laughs] I know!

[Straightens up]

Reba: I mean...

[firmly]

Reba: I know.

Cheyenne: [after seeing her new apartment had other people's stuff] Mom, this isn't my stuff. Oh, my god! We need to call the police!

Reba: And report what, a delivery?

Barbra Jean: You're not the boss of me!

Reba: If I was your boss, I would be sleeping with you right now.

Reba: If Thanksgiving were a concert, the turkey would be Cher.

Barbra Jean: So, you want to have Thanksgiving here, and you want Cher?

Reba: That's right. I've got turkey, babe!

Reba: Hey, Jake. What are you watching?

Jake Hart: The Weather Channel. More rain for Brazil.

[Reba is shocked by Barbera Jean's new Reba haircut]

Barbra Jean: So, what do you think? Is it me?

Reba: [furiously] No. It's me!

Barbra Jean: [in the hospital, after Cheyenne had a false labor, Barbra Jean sits down on a chair] Oh, my God! I think my water just broke!

Reba: Oh no, you're sitting on my purse!

Barbra Jean: Boop! You've got mail!

[opens Kyra's laptop and makes poses]

Reba: [to Brock] Boop! You've got a goof-ball!

[Van lying on the bed because he can't play football Friday night]

Cheyenne: Wanna go to the movies?

Van Montgomery: No.

Cheyenne: Wanna fool around?

Van Montgomery: No.

Cheyenne: Wanna eat some pizza?

Van Montgomery: No.

Cheyenne: [Yells] MOM!

[repeated line]

Reba: Crap!

Barbra Jean: Brock, I had an epidural. I think that's what Jesus would have wanted.

Kyra: I think that's what Mary would have wanted.

Reba: [when Kyra is helping cheer Barbra Jean up after she and Brock separate] You are a beautiful young woman.

Kyra: Or maybe you just raised me right. That and I watch a lot of "7th Heaven".

Reba: [when Van gets an injury involving his spine and tail bone] It's a mother-in-law's job to make the best of a bad situation.

Van Montgomery: [sarcastically] I thought it was a mother-in-law's job to make butt-jokes about her son-in-law.

Reba: We wear many hats.

Reba: Jake Mitchell Hart, are you lying to me?

Jake Hart: Yes! No-one mocks me and gets away with it!

Reba: So, did that boy even go upstairs?

Jake Hart: No! And I didn't know he was a boy, I thought he was an ugly girl!

Reba: You are in big trouble! No tv, no dessert, and Grandma gets her cell phone back!

[She takes the gameboy SP back and Jake runs upstairs]

Reba: You want me to sign a permission form for bigamy?

Barbra Jean: [to Kyra] You bring people together. You're like a little Reverend Al Sharpton.

Van Montgomery: I'll be with my friends, you'll be with yours. Then we'll hook up later. It'll be just like junior year! Except we're married, you're pregnant, and everything is different.

Reba: [reading a card] Oh, no! It says here that Barbra Jean told Buzzard it was okay for him to write me and visit when he's in town!

Cheyenne: Wait, this is Barbra Jean's brother Buzzard, right?

Reba: Cheyenne, I would hate to think that I knew more than one person with the nickname 'Buzzard'.