Scrubs (2001–2010)
Sarah Chalke: Dr. Elliot Reid, Elliot
Photos
Quotes
-
Paul Flowers : Sometimes it feels like you're holding back.
Elliot : Of course I'm holding back, I'm insane you idiot. Remember the other day when you told me I had pit-stains, well I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half-hour since you told me that. I am racked with self-doubt, I have panic attacks, I'm claustrophobic, germ-phobic, phobia-phobic. I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother's voice and, yesterday, when that stupid, pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves I almost killed the guy who's leg I was stitching up because I couldn't stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks. Why a box of steaks? 'Cos my Dad had an affair with a female butcher and, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up, are you happy?
-
Elliot : Well isn't that just the pickle on the giant crap sandwich that is my day.
-
Elliot : Laverne, did you ever notice that in hospitals, even though you're surrounded by like hundreds of people, it's still so easy to get lost in your own thoughts?
Nurse Roberts : Have you been drinkin'?
-
[to J.D. and Elliot]
Dr. Cox : Ah, damn. I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I? That wonderful time of the year when you two crazy kids throw all caution to the wind and make sweet, ellbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy. You can tell Uncle Coxy about the naughtay.
Elliot : Dr. Cox, I lost my apartment and I was just needing a place to stay...
Dr. Cox : ...so you went over to your friend's house and cried on his shoulder - boo-hoo-wah - and you of course comforted her because she was weak and vulnerable and blah, blah, blah, nerdy sex, the end. Dear lord, Laverne, how in God's name do you listen to this crap all day long?
Nurse Roberts : Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories.
-
[Trying to explain to Elliot that he'd perfer not having a kid watch his dad's surgery, but can't say much since the kid is right there]
Elliot : [In french] Do you speak french?
Chris Turk : You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks.
Elliot : [French] I really think it would make Tyler feel better if he could watch, ok?
[Turk is lost]
Chris Turk : [Bad French] I have... an... Eiffel Tower... in my pants.
Elliot : What?
Chris Turk : [Bad French] Grapefruit!
-
Elliot : I put all those flyers up and no one wants me to live with them.
J.D. : Oh, c'mon, Elliot, I'm sure you'll eventually find a roommate who's a clean non-smoking vegetarian that rinses the shower thoroughly after each usage.
Elliot : Well, if you don't it gets mildewy.
J.D. : You should live with my friend, Anal McLooney.
-
Chris Turk : Ya know Elliot, eventually you're gonna have to take off your sock.
Elliot : If I do then from now on whenever you guys look at me all you're going to think is Giant Gross-Foot. It's like that security guard with the hook for the hand, all anybody thinks when they look at him is Big Giant Afro.
Carla : [gasps] I do think that!
-
[to Jordan]
Elliot : I doubt sex for you is about making babies, because you'd probably just eat them anyway, and driving over to Dr. Cox's place and pleasuring him while he watches sports hardly counts as revenge.
-
[Turk is talking about a rival surgeon]
Chris Turk : Bonnie is killing me; I'm telling you, I cannot beat this woman no matter what I try. She's like a ninja but worse.
J.D. : Nothing's worse than a ninja - they're masters of every style of combat.
Carla : Can we please talk about something other than Bonnie?
Elliot : [to Turk] I think you should give Bonnie a break. You know, it's really hard being a woman around here... you can walk through walls and nobody notices you.
J.D. : Not entirely unlike a... ninja.
-
Elliot : Dr. Cox!
Dr. Cox : I'm hoping for your sake there's another Dr. Cox sitting right behind me.
Elliot : I'm not sure what you were trying to teach me by sending me to Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Cox : The value, and this is important, of leaving me alone.
Elliot : I think we both know there's a little more to it than that.
Dr. Cox : No, trust me, there's not. Listen, missie, I want you to spread the word. I've... had... enough! The next whiney intern coming to me for a cookie and a hug, I swear to Aïsha, I'm going to hurt!
[Dr. Cox jumps over the couch]
Dr. Cox : And you, you one-man freakshow, take your blah-blah to the blah-blah-psychologist, because if you are so stupid to confront the chief of medicine over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you've just gotta go ahead and change the captain of your brainship, because he's drunk at the wheel.
Elliot : You're right, you're absolutely right. I have to learn to pick my battles. Thank you so much.
[Elliot leaves the room]
Dr. Cox : Y... you're welcome.
-
Elliot : Frick on a stick with a brick!
-
[JD and Turk are trying, and failing, to reassure Elliot that they aren't obsessing over the orgasm she accidentally gave a patient during a pelvic exam]
J.D. : Elliot, come on, I have never heard a woman make sounds like "that".
Elliot : [smiling] Oh, I'm sure "you" haven't.
Chris Turk : [laughing] See, it's funny because you never really satisfied a woman!
-
Elliot : A person doesn't have to be perfect to be exactly what you need.
-
Dr. Kelso : Here at Sacred Heart, I like to think that our patients choose our hospital not only because I leak vicious rumors about competing hospitals to the press, but also because when they see one of our doctors they think, Now that's a professional!
Elliot : Um, Sir I don't think I look unprofessional.
Dr. Kelso : I've let this whole new look thing slide the last few months, but now that your colleagues are beginning to complain I'm going to give you the same advice I give my son every morning. Lose the makeup! Get a haircut! And stop using my razor to shave your fun zone!
-
Elliot : [to Jordan] And if you lay one finger on me, I'm blowing my rape whistle.
-
[Elliot can't find an apartment]
Carla : How you doing?
Elliot : I'm exhausted. I mean, I'm just one person. At least Turk has you to pick up the slack when it gets too bad.
Carla : You'd think so.
[Elliot's cell phone rings but she ignores it]
Carla : Aren't you gonna answer that?
Elliot : Nah, that's just Todd. He keeps calling me and asking if I want to move into his pants.
-
Elliot : C'mon peeps, let's go kick some sick patient ass.
[JD turns to Turk and Carla]
J.D. : And that my friends is one nerdy honky.
[Turk to Carla]
Chris Turk : That's two.
-
Elliot : Mr. Bragen, it is so great to see you back in the hospital.
Mr. Bragen : Woo-hoo. I've got a tube in my penis.
-
Elliot : I have a huge bunion. Sean's coming back in, like, a few weeks what am I supposed to do?
J.D. : Well, I think the obvious answer is to draw Sean's face on it and tell him you grew it because you missed him.
Chris Turk : *Or,* it's a simple surgery.
J.D. : Uhhh, Turk, I think we've already decided on bunion-face!
Elliot : Cut me the hell up.
J.D. : Dammit!
-
Elliot : If there's one thing I've learned at this hospital, it's to never antagonize your boss or the people who makes the food, because you end up eating poo.
-
Elliot : Kevin left. Didn't even say goodbye.
J.D. : Elliot, he didn't say goodbye to a lot of people. Just me, Dr. Cox, Carla, Doug, Snoop Dogg Intern...
Snoop Dogg Intern : Where my hoes at?
J.D. : I haven't seen them.
-
Elliot : [after spending the day flashing her breasts at male patients to make them better] I have magic breasts.
