Weekend in Diego (2000)

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29 March 2011 | Corpse-Reviver
| This movie rules
I can't believe that no one else has written a review for this film yet. So, I will.

This movie came into my household years ago, probably not too long after it was released. When I lived in Boston I would occasionally go down to the Amazing "adult" shop on Boylston street a few blocks from my apartment, next to the Ramrod, and rent videos. This was around 10 years ago, before internet porn wiped out the porn rental market and before everyone and their mother had a laptop computer. I rented a film called Violation of Mirage which I'm going to also review after this one, if no one else has. It was awesome and featured a young up and coming talent named Briana Banks, who at that time still went by the name of Mirage. If you have not seen Briana Banks yet then you are just missing out on some serious entertainment, my friends. This woman is a sight to behold that's for sure. Well, the Violation film was about Briana going to a bowling alley to practice before she went out bowling with her boyfriend, and she offends the white-trash all-female bowling team who just happened to be playing (not against another team - just by themselves)and so they strip her down and violate her. It is a long scene and they do just about everything you can imagine to her, including a creative use of a bowling pin. It's awesome and I had never before witnessed Briana in action. So anyway I used to like to put on a porno vid (VHS no less) and turn the volume off and listen to music and sit and play the guitar or drink cheap vodka shots out of a Nyquil cup. It was a nice way to spend the afternoon. You could hear the crowd cheering from the Fenway down the road during games which gave the activity on-screen a little extra dramatic boost.

So needless to say I got pretty tight with Briana that week. Had to return the video, I was sad, and eventually went back to California. My brother had a friend called Fetus that invited him over one day, saying he had some pot to smoke. So I went along. Fetus' stepdad or uncle or whoever the f-ck he was was not home. Fetus was sort of a joke and a real weird dude. So we smoked up and and I think we had some liquor or some beers maybe, and Fetus brought out a couple of tapes and popped one into the VCR. The film starred none other than the lovely Briana Banks. I said to my brother, Yo, that's the chick from that gang-bang video. He came to visit me in Boston during the week that I had rented Violation of Mirage. Anyway, Fetus started to p-ss us off so my brother and I started f-cking with him, and at some point took the tape out, or grabbed another one and began playing keep-away with the porno. He started to get real mad so we kept egging him on by tossing the tape over his head to one another. He began to get violent which was sort of his MO. We eventually ran out of the house and jumped in our car (the Angel Of Death) and began to drive away (with a few of his VHS tapes), when we saw Fetus run out of the house with a tape in his hand and scream),"YOU WANT THE TAPES?!?! TAKE THE F--KING TAPES!!!", and then throw a porno at us. It landed in the middle of the street right behind our car so I stopped the car, my brother got out and grabbed the tape, jumped back in and we drove off. That tape turned out to be Weekend In Diego.

I have not watched this film for like 8 years or more. I cannot find it anywhere. But I remember it pretty damn well. The film gets its name from an actress named Linda Diego and I think you can figure out the rest. She is not very attractive, but some of the other actresses certainly are. The scene with her and Briana takes place in a bathtub, and oh boy, it looked like they were having a lot of fun. Briana shows here an unsurpassed dedication to her craft, which is pretty typical for her. She really throws herself into her roles with a sh-t load of enthusiasm, and may I say, gusto. She bangs with the best of them, having appeared in various films with Tera Patrick, Jenna Jameson, Penny Flame, and even let Max Hardcore pee in her face. She rules. Anyway Diego and Briana do the scissors thing in the tub and it is far and away the greatest scene in the film, and almost any other film, too.

There is another great scene in this film where an actress named Envy, who is almost as hot as Briana but not quite, bends Diego over and takes her from behind with a strap-on. The rest of the scenes lack the visceral intensity of the two I have already described. But so it goes, in the world of porn. This is not a let down, however. The scene with Briana is one of her best ever. So even if the rest of the film was dude on dude I'd still treasure it in my collection, simply for that fantastic, awe-inspiring, boner-producing bathtub scene.

I can find almost ANYTHING to download off the net, but I cannot find this one. All I can find are a few references and a couple of pictures. I don't know what happened to that tape we stole from Fetus. Somewhere along the line, it's gone missing or something. Major bummer. Maybe I can find it again somewhere and watch it again, to provide for you a more complete film review.

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