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  • Warning: Spoilers
    I consider Veronica Hart the greatest actress in Adult Entertainment history -even got to meet her at a press screening back in 1982. But this video she directed is terrible, a misjudged "comeback" vehicle for equally lauded actress Marilyn Chambers.

    I checked off "Spoiler" for my review because the major flaw in this ointment is the ending, equally as poor as that old standby for lazy-bone filmmakers, the "it was all a dream" explanation. For two hours we watch poor-continuity, execrable dialog sex scenes strung together on a fantasy hook, only to discover in the last two minutes that the nonsense was merely the result of a group virtual reality session. That cop-out did not defuse my consternation but merely added to the feeling of being had.

    Masochists might enjoy the contents of "Dark Chambers", which unfolds in the manner of a John Stagliano video but with safe-sex condoms added. Not a healthy combination from an artistic point of view.

    Opening scene is faux-noir, with Herschel Savage accosting '40s-styled glam Marilyn Chambers smoking in an alley. The duo gaze through a fake window to watch domme Erica Boyer (clad head-to-toe in latex and PVC fetish gear) humping sub Asia Carrera inside. No condom necessary, yet.

    Two guys (Tyce Bune and Joey Ray) arrive by cab and hump Chambers in the alley, providing a d.p. and Herschel joins in to turn the threesome into group-sex with plenty of spunk delivered.

    Hart uses an inconsistent technique where dialog is delivered normally in conversation scenes or merely injected in voice-over (with no lips moving) as characters unite and have sex. This is an immediate sign of laziness, soon to pervade the rest of the video.

    Dialog by scripter Richard DeWitt is embarrassingly stilted, with the characters' pronouncements so artificial and sometime cryptic as to suggest some hidden meanings. This is pretentious but more importantly sloppy, as in an early exchange between businessman Savage and his new secretary Lauren Montgomery, in which she misspeaks her own name twice, correcting herself, all intentional and all asinine.

    Casting of Montgomery is significant because she resembles a young Marilyn Chambers, a gimmick which never pays fruit in the story -is just cute. Chambers herself at age 47, looks considerably older -still vibrant but with plenty of mileage revealed. Hart directed Chambers' several comeback vehicles at the turn of this century, and the results are underwhelming.

    Many other characters are introduced and a series of "hot" sex scenes are staged that are mainly anti-climactic, especially given the feature's faulty structure. Marilyn is driving a Mercedes convertible down the highway when highway patrolman L.T. Turner stops her, just to have some mixed- combo action. Several years later L.T. took to directing (and starring) in an on-going series of gonzo videos for the Elegant Angel label.

    Carrera's back with hubby Joey (who humped Chambers in the alley) to have a threesome with Bionca Jordan in the changing room of a clothing store. Boyer returns to lay some lesbian action on Chambers including another d.p., this time sans condoms but achieved with two dildos.

    Plot thickens (or congeals) as Savage sits before a magic mirror, still hankering to hook up with Chambers for whom he's long been carrying a torch, and watches an idiotic burlesque porn sketch in his mirror of the other alley gang-bang teammate Bune humping his secretary Candy (or is she named Sandy?), in which the video's portly production assistant Constance Lingus plays the maid delivering room service to the couple, hamming it up with a frequent hearty laugh and idiotic "Abbott & Costello" styled misunderstanding speech routine with Candy.

    After this crap blows over we witness the rest of the cast all having an orgy after watching Lauren & Tyne cavort in the mirror. Poor continuity has Savage previously dematerializing ("Beam Me Up, Scotty" style) into the mirror to be with Chambers, a motif that is immediately dropped, as if a scene of them humping were deleted.

    Finale has the orgy, in which Lauren & Tyne magically appear and join in, containing brief reverse-image flashes of what looks like people wearing headphones, but is resolved by the cast sitting around a table as if preparing to do a table-read of the project's script, but instead removing virtual reality helmets and yocking it up about the experience they've just had.

    Priceless camp moment has Dr. Ivory Hasmore, the "genius" character played by Marilyn, reciting without tripping over the words, the dumb acronym of the scientific breakthrough that made all this nonsense possible: CONSUMED aka Creative and Open Neuro-sexual Unified Molecular Endomorphic Descriptionary. The rest of the cast honestly laughs at the success of her pronunciation, and we are left to marvel at a very bad case of porno overreach.