When I first heard about this series, about two years ago, I had high hopes for it. The teasers that began to air also left me with high hopes. Just a single scanning red light. an icon of the cylons that any fan of the original series knows at a glance. Knowing the people involved in the visual effects on this thing also raised my expectations, especially after seeing some tests of a new cylon centurian when this series was being shopped around, showing the new cylons could kick some serious ass.
Then the new trailers came out a few weeks ago. Cylons look like us? Starbuck's a woman? We made the cylons? Give me a break! Ok, expectations dropped considerably there. This thing could have been spectacular, but now it looked like every other lame piece of SciFi that's been crusting up on TV over the past few years.
Don't get me wrong. I AM a science fiction fan. I've been a fan for as long as I can remember. So I was hoping that this thing just had a bad trailer.
The first half aired and all hope was virtually lost for this thing. I'll get the old vs. new comparisons out of the way now. First of all, why the gender changes? These weren't necessary and didn't add to the story, except maybe so Boomer could get a little action? That came across as a complete afterthought. something to fill a minute and add some 'depth?' to the character? The original Boomer we were able to get to know very quickly, and had such a strong character that you could tell just what he'd say or do in any situation because he was so well developed. The new Boomer was much cuter, but not as developed. Unfortunately she was about the only likable character in the entire show.
Tigh's a drunk? He used to be a likable guy in the original, taking his job seriously, but always earning the crew's respect. This new Tigh shouldn't even be on the ship.
The new Starbuck was horrible. She just came across as a total A**hole that I was hoping to see killed off. At least they didn't write a sex scene between her & Apollo, but if this show turns into a series, it's something I fear the writers will resort to. The original Starbuck was a fun loving practical joker, who just happened to be an ace pilot and got along with just about everyone.
The new Apollo was more of a sniveling whiner than anything else. Of course, he had the new Adama as a father who shows almost as much emotion as the original Cylon centurians.
The new Battlestar looks like it was another afterthought and someone had to build a model overnight to make a deadline. It was sad that many of the other ships in the fleet were remarkably similar to the original series, including the Gemeni Movers freighter and the triple-saucer ship, but the star of the show, the Galactica, was so lacking in detail and a sense of scale.
The new centurians did look great, and I was saddened again that they only appeared for a few seconds at the beginning and the end of the show. All that design work wasted for the sake of a few seconds and those few seconds they did nothing more than walk into position and stand there. Hell, the original Cylon model in the museum brought much more excitement to the show, and it just stood there.
Ok, now on to the non-comparatives: After one & a half hours of what felt like a Best Of Jerry Springer bitch-fest, we finally got close to the actual story. Close to, because most of the assault on the planet was little more than some flashing lights on the surface, seen from far away. No Cylon fighters doing strafing runs, no visible Cylon armadas, nothing much to look at. Other than that, not much else happened in the first two hours of what I call Babblestar 90210. In that time, we were subjected to nearly every soap opera cliché, except for the return of the character that died and the evil twin. We got those in the second half.
Even the destruction of the other battlestars and colonial defenses was just mentioned in passing. I was half expecting someone to say that the fleet was up against a force so large that it would be far too expensive to ever film, to paraphrase a character from Thumbtanic.
What we did get was a bunch of pointless sex scenes that I can only assume were there to try to keep the interest of a few sexually inactive viewers who weren't able to download some porn those nights, and a bunch of pointless bickering that I can only assume was to add some character development so we'd actually care about these people. Instead, I was hoping they would be killed off and the story would start.
The sets are where this thing shines. Beautifully designed sets abound here. I especially liked the Viper bays and those Vipers were things of beauty. Both models. It's too bad that this was about all that was left to watch the show for. These things looked amazing just sitting there. I couldn't wait to see them in action, but of course, I had to wait through long periods of inane crap that kept me itching to start channel surfing.
Then they finally went into action. Too bad I couldn't see much of that either. What the hell is it with these directors and that damn jitter-cam crap? It's bad enough when they do it with live action. When people are just talking, learn to FRAME THEM! People! Tripods were invented for a reason. Use them! Fortunately, the live action camerawork wasn't as bad as other shows, but was still enough to p*** me off. But that's not enough. They went completely stupid with it in the effects shots.
It's one thing for the camera to bounce around in a high action scene, when it's in the MIDDLE of the action. But when it's in space, MILES away from the action like it was in most of this, there's no excuse for it. There were a few good shots where the camera actually behaved itself and followed the action - a couple viper formation flybys - but most of the shots, which would have been spectacular, were completely spoiled by the amateurish camerawork. They were filled with lots of unnecessary zooms, frequently on stuff that wasn't even the center of interest. In one shot, two missiles apparently hit the Galactica. I say apparently because just before they hit, the camera panned away from the first one before it hit, and then panned away from the second before it hit, missing both impacts. Why? Couldn't be shockwaves since the camera was miles away. It felt more like the camera operators picked those moments to start fiddling with the controls and were no longer paying attention to what they're supposed to be shooting. If those were live special effects shots (an exploding bridge for example), every camera would be checked & double-checked to be sure it had the effect framed. Missing the shot would be a really bad thing, yet in most of these shots, the camera's wandering around and always seems to miss the action and be pointing at something unimportant. It doesn't look cool, or add excitement (other than my frequent swearing at the horrible camerawork), or anything else. It just plain looks shoddy and unprofessional. They'd probably get better work if they just grabbed a bunch of untalented homeless people off the street and told them to do the camerawork.
The lack of lasers or blasters or other energy weapons was a rare approach, and I kind of liked it. Though, you wouldn't want to be in a space battle with all those bullets flying around. You especially wouldn't be able to stay in the same combat area for more than a few seconds due to the large amount of ammunition and debris that would accumulate, whizzing in all directions. In a few minutes, the enemy ships would be the least of your worries as you just try to avoid running into all that junk. In space, that stuff keeps moving at the same speed until it hits something. It doesn't fall to the ground after a few seconds.
The missile trails were another technical blunder. Sure the drunken missile effects look cool, but they should be left to anime. They took pains to give the ships a sense of technical accuracy with the various reaction control thrusters to steer them, and then blew it with the puffy missile trails that would only occur in an atmosphere. In space, the exhaust from a rocket or missile would dissipate quickly as all the particles would continue in the direction they were emitted. This was done correctly for the Viper & Cylon Fighters. The 'Sci' in Sci Fi stands for Science, after all.
I'm sorry to say this, but I never had such a challenge trying to force myself to watch a show in my life. I waited for nearly two years to see thing, with high hopes that it would be good. Even changing the name and removing any references to Battlestar Galactica would not make this better. It was all I could do to keep myself from changing channels, in the hopes that something MIGHT turn out half decent. I said earlier, I'm a fan of Sci Fi. I like it, and will even watch some not-so-good stuff because there's usually something entertaining in it, even if it just shows something cool that's not on the other channels.
I thought Battlefield Earth was horrible, and I completely hated Armageddon, but I found those far more entertaining than this. At least they could point the camera in the right direction, even if it was tilted all the time. And the bad guys actually had some character to them. And let's not forget that something actually happened in them.
The saddest part is they way this piece of crap will be viewed by the suits that helped excrete it. They knew that they could lure people in by using the name of a much-loved sci-fi classic. People would tune in to watch it, purely out of curiosity. And that's what happened. This thing just got some of the highest ratings for a cable miniseries. Why? People were suckered into tuning in to see a supposedly updated, cooler/better Battlestar Galactica, merely because of the name. What they got was a 20-minute 90210/Jerry Springer episode in space filmed by epileptic/blind camera operators on really cool sets that were near a big battle that was mentioned once in a while, spread over 4 hours. But since the ratings were high, they'll think it was good and excrete more of the same.
As for me, I'll go watch a bad Phil Roth or Troma film (which will now feel like a critically acclaimed blockbuster) to wash this bad taste out of my mouth. At least those have some entertainment value. even if it is in how bad they are. 'Battlefield Galactica' was little more than an endurance test. If there's anything entertaining to be found, it's probably a drinking game where you take a shot every time Adama takes his glasses off, and two shots for every cliché.
He Who Really Wanted To Like This Thing.
