Bugs Bunny: Gee, it was really nice of Wal-Mart to give us all this free Wal-Mart stuff just for saying "Wal-Mart" so many times.

DJ Drake: This security guard thing, that's just what I do for money. I'm a... I'm a stuntman.

Daffy Duck: You? A stuntman? Please.

DJ Drake: I am! Did you see those "Mummy" movies? I'm in there more than Brendan Fraser is!

[Bugs is served a martini by one of the contraptions in Damian Drake's spy car]

Bugs Bunny: Oh, well... it's five o' clock somewhere.

Kate Houghton: If you touch one more thing...

Bugs Bunny: Shhh... I'm about to defy you.

[Bugs Bunny is outside of the ship fighting Marvin the Martian. Daffy is cringing inside the ship, sucking his thumb]

Daffy Duck: What am I gonna do? What would Damian Drake do? What would Duck Dodgers do?... Wait a minute, *I'm* Duck Dodgers!

[Daffy "spins" into his Duck Dodgers costume]

Daffy Duck: Aha! I'm going to be the hero of this picture!

[Then Daffy straps one of five rockets on]

Daffy Duck: Duck Dodgers to the rescue!

[the rocket blows up. Daffy straps on the second rocket]

Daffy Duck: [dazed] Duck Dodgers to the...

[the rocket blows up. Daffy straps on the third rocket]

Daffy Duck: [dazed] Duck Dodge...

[the rocket blows up. Daffy turns and LOOKS at the fourth rocket]

Daffy Duck: Duck...

[the rocket blows up]

Daffy Duck: [Daffy suddenly appears outside the ship with the last rocket strapped on, working]

Daffy Duck: It's "You-Know-Who" to the rescue!

[to the audience]

Daffy Duck: It helps if you don't say the name.

Mr. Chairman: There is a DUCK in the middle of the picture. Remove the DUCK.

Daffy Duck: You live with Daddy?

DJ Drake: Yeah, so? only... temporarily...

Daffy Duck: Oh, I've hit rock-bottom. I'm hanging out with a security guard who lives with his father.

[Dusty comes out in a shiny black outfit]

Daffy Duck: How many galoshes died to make *that* little number?

Porky Pig: [just before the end credits, Porky tries to say "That's all Folks!" but doesn't quite get there] Go home, folks.

[the bad guys threaten our heroes with TNT]

Kate Houghton: Who has *dynamite*?

Daffy Duck: Welcome to *my* world.

Mr. Chairman: This is unacceptable. We cannot have nine-year-olds working in sweatshops making ACME goods... when three-year-olds work for so much less...

[all the VPs reach for their buzzers. The VP of Child Labor gets to his first]

Acme VP, Child Labor: But they require naps, sir.

Mr. Chairman: Put double espresso in their sippy cups.

Porky Pig: F-f-first they told me to lose the stutter, now they tell me I'm not funny anymore!


Porky Pig: It's a pain in the butt being p-p-politically correct.

Speedy Gonzales: You're telling me.

[as the spy car plummets to earth, Daffy calls his stockbroker on his cellphone]

Daffy Duck: Sell all my Warner Brothers stock! I got an inside tip that Bugs Bunny's about to die!

[slips on an animated banana peel]

Yosemite Sam: Yikes!

[Opens fire on the banana peel]

Yosemite Sam: Dadburn slapstick cliché!

Daffy Duck: Okay, Toots, hand over the diamond.

Dusty Tails: [to herself after pushing DJ out the door] He brought a goose?

Daffy Duck: It's "duck", thank you.

Bugs Bunny: Eh, what gives, doc? We made thirty-five pictures togetha'.

Elmer Fudd: Well, as it turns out, I'm secwetwy evil.

Daffy Duck: That's showbiz for ya!

Elmer Fudd: Now, make with da the card; so I can pwease my dark masters!

Bugs Bunny: [fishing from a boat in the backseat of Kate's flooded Alfa Romeo] Well, whaddya know, I found Nemo!

Daffy Duck: That's not boxing. Bite his ear.

Mr. Chairman: [Referring to the screen showing DJ's dad about to meet his demise] Here is you father tied up on the tracks, and here is the train of death right on schedule. You see Mr. Drake, if the train of death doesn't kill your father, then maybe those crates of TNT will, not to mention the two ton anvil hanging over his head, and...

Mr. Chairman: [Noticing the pendulum of doom] Oh, and look there's the pendulum of doom! What's the pendulum of doom doing there? I did not order the pendulum of doom!

Mr. Chairman: [On the intercom with Wily E. Coyote] That's overkill! Get rid of it!

[on Lillard's portrayal of Shaggy]

Shaggy: What kind of performance do you call that? You made me sound like a total space cadet, man!

Matthew Lillard: I'm sorry you feel that way. I was just trying to be true to your character.

Shaggy: If you, like, goof up on me in the sequel, I'ma coming after ya!

Scooby Doo: Reah. And Ri'll rive you a Scooby Smack!

[Scooby growls viciously at Lillard]

[DJ sees a spaceship heading right towards them]

DJ Drake: Dad, I think we should move.

Damien Drake: What's wrong with Beverly Hills?

DJ Drake: I meant from this spot.

Daffy Duck: [Daffy and DJ try escape in DJ's beat-up car] All right, let's see what this baby can really do.

Daffy Duck: [DJ tries to start the car and it falls apart] Now that's an interesting feature.

Daffy Duck: You'd never catch that rabbit doing something this heroic.

Bugs Bunny: [appearing in the seat next to Daffy] Eh, what's up, duck?

Daffy Duck: You're dethpicable.

Marvin the Martian: You tricked me!

Bugs Bunny: Eh, what's up, Darth?

Kate Houghton: I need you to eject this duck.

DJ Drake: Lady, this is Daffy Duck.

Kate Houghton: Not anymore; we own the name.

Daffy Duck: Oh yeah? Well, you can't stop ME from calling myself D-(gasp)... D-(gasp)... well, whatayaknow.

DJ Drake: [to Kate] You.

Kate Houghton: [to DJ] You.

Daffy Duck: [to Bugs] You.

Bugs Bunny: [about DJ] Him.

Daffy Duck: [about Kate] Her.

Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck: Them.

Yosemite Sam: Outta my way, fancy boy. I'm a-commandeering this here clown car.

Mr. Chairman: My God, man, what am I going to do with you? You've done nothing but screw up. You've walked off of mesas, been smashed by boulders, and run over by diesel trucks. And don't blame the equipment. The equipment is good. It's Acme equipment. You're a coyote. Be wily.

Kate Houghton: There are some aspects of the script that need work. There's no heart, no cooperation, no one learns anything...

Bugs Bunny: Daffy learns not to stick his head in a jet engine.

DJ Drake: What brings you to Las Vegas. You ran out of people to fire in LA?

Kate Houghton: You stole my duck.

Daffy Duck: Your duck? Bah! I belong to the world.

DJ Drake: You know what? You can have him.

Daffy Duck: I don't know the meaning of the word fear.

[opens door to find Yosemite Sam aiming a cannon at him]

Yosemite Sam: Say your prayers, duck!

Daffy Duck: Fear: Noun. A state of terror. Yaaaaah!

Mr. Chairman: Y'all Monkeys yet?

[Daffy and DJ is exploring the casino floor of Yosemite Sam's Wooden Nickel]

Daffy Duck: [Jumps up to the chair next to the slot machine the woman is currently playing; with the playbill] Did you know that Dusty Tails sang the theme song to six Damian Drake movies?

DJ Drake: Yeah I know. He's my father, remember?

Daffy Duck: Your Dad is Damian Drake?

DJ Drake: [shouting] Yes!

Daffy Duck: I'm kidding, relax. We did that, okay?

[making suggestions to improve Bugs's image]

Kate Houghton: So, what do we do? We team you up with a hot female co-star!

Bugs Bunny: Usually...

[dresses in drag]

Bugs Bunny: *I* play the female love interest!

[Michigan J. Frog, at the table behind Bugs, jumps up and begins to sing "Hello, My Baby"]

Kate Houghton: Okay, about the crossdressing thing - then, funny; now, disturbing.

[Bugs removes the dress and lipstick]

Bugs Bunny: Lady, if you don't find a rabbit wearin' lipstick amusing, then we ain't got nothin' to say to each other.

Mr. Chairman: [to Kate] I've seen the way you look at me - I know I'm hot.

Kate Houghton: Ugh!

Marvin the Martian: [brandishing a ray gun] Halt, and be fricasseed.

Beaky Buzzard: That's right, I'm a vicious bird of prey.

Daffy Duck: [spotting the Blue Monkey diamond] I'm rich. I'm affluent. My liquidity is assured.

Bugs Bunny: Daff never misses a cue.

Daffy Duck: I'm afraid the brothers Warner must choose between a handsome matinee idol, or this miscreant perpetrator of low burlesque.

[points at Bugs, who is wearing Groucho glasses and a spinning bowtie; everyone laughs]

Mr. Warner's Brother: Whichever one's not the duck.

[after hearing the name "Blue Monkey."]

Mother: How do you know about that thing that I've never heard of in my entire life?

DJ Drake: My dad told me.

Mother: Oh, what is the point of making them pinky swear?

Bugs Bunny: I'm tellin ya, Daffy, I heard the Warner Brothers say that you were their best duck.

Daffy Duck: Flattered though I may be, flattened I will not, in order for you to get the laughs! It's all "woo-hoo, yuk yuk", and then "wham, bam, blam!"

[whacks himself around for added emphasis]

Bugs Bunny: And your tail's on fire.

Daffy Duck: Exactly my point! I...

Bugs Bunny: No, I mean your tail's on fire.

[Daffy sees that his tail IS on fire - he runs around trying to extinguish it - Bugs laughs]

Bugs Bunny: Daff, you're accident prone.

[Daffy finally puts out his tail]

Daffy Duck: Oh, what am I talking to you for? All you have to do is munch on a carrot and people love you.

[Bugs and Daffy crash-land their spaceship through the window of Acme HQ, then walk away unscathed]

Bugs Bunny: I think we scratched it.

Daffy Duck: Who cares, it's a rental.

[DJ and Yosemite Sam follow the Queen of Diamonds playing card to Foghorn Leghorn's blackjack table, where it gets shuffled into the deck]

Foghorn Leghorn: Place, I say, place your bets! Money plays, loser stays! Everyone's a winn - well, not everyone.

Yosemite Sam: [Drops a bag of money on the table] Here's my money, now play!

Foghorn Leghorn: Card, sir?

DJ Drake: Hit me.

Foghorn Leghorn: Don'cha, I say, don'cha wanna look at your cards first, son? Boy's as sharp as a bowling ball.

DJ Drake: [looks at the card; it's an ace] Hit me.

Yosemite Sam: No, hit me first!

Foghorn Leghorn: Wait your, I saya wait your turn, sir.

[deals another ace to DJ]

DJ Drake: Hit me.

[Foghorn deals another ace]

DJ Drake: Hit me.

Yosemite Sam: No, hit me!

[Foghorn continues to deal aces and twos to DJ. Sam can't take it anymore]

Yosemite Sam: No, no, no, hit ME, fragnabbit!

[Foghorn glances at the audience, then smashes Sam in the head with a piece of wood. Squashed, Sam scuttles around the table, cursing unintelligibly]

Foghorn Leghorn: He's the boss.

[Back to DJ]

Foghorn Leghorn: Card Sir?

[DJ winces at the possibility of himself getting hit as well]

DJ Drake: [unsure] ... Hit me?

[Foghorn finally deals the Queen of Diamonds; DJ snatches it off the table]

Foghorn Leghorn: Twenty-one! We have, I say we have a winner!

[DJ and Daffy break for the door]

Daffy Duck: And then, they made their heroic escape!

[Daffy runs facefirst into the door that isn't open. DJ comes back, peels Daffy off, and exits again]

Daffy Duck: What a fantastic view.

Bugs Bunny: Unless you're in the audience in which case you've been staring at an elephant's behind for 30 seconds.

Bugs Bunny: All those in favour of us *not* hitting that wall, say 'aye'.

Kate HoughtonDJ DrakeDaffy Duck: Aye!

Daffy Duck: Mother!

Spy Car Computer: Taking you to Mother!

DJ Drake: Dad, you know how I always wanted a dog?

Damien Drake: Yeah?

DJ Drake: I got one!

Bugs Bunny: So this is Area 51?

Mother: No.

Bugs Bunny: The secret government base?

Mother: No.

Bugs Bunny: Where they keep all the aliens?

Mother: No. Area 51 is a paranoid fantasy we concocted to hide the true nature of this facility.

DJ Drake: Which is?

Mother: Area 52.

[Bugs, flying alongside Marvin, points to a map, and signals for Marvin to lower his window]

Marvin the Martian: Earthlings have no sense of direction!

[Marvin lowers the window, and is sucked out into space]

Daffy Duck: Well, what do you know, he fell for it. I guess I owe you $5!

Kate Houghton: Look, I'm trying to be nice, but I was brought in to leverage your synergy, and I am not going to let you or some wacky duck...

Bugs Bunny: Daffy.

Kate Houghton: Wacky, daffy, nutty, fruitcake, crispy over rice, it doesn't matter.

Bugs Bunny: [produces award statuettes] Well, these matter...

[hoists up Walk of Fame star]

Bugs Bunny: ...and this, and they say bring Daffy back. Right, boys?

Statuettes: We want Daffy! We want Daffy

Daffy Duck: Say, that's the stuff from my office.

Mr. Warner: You don't have an office.

Mr. Warner's Brother: Not any more.

Daffy Duck: Symbolically, this is bad. Come on, Brother? Other Brother? Icy she-wolf? You can't fire me. I'm too young and tender to retire.

Kate Houghton: Let me escort you out.

Daffy Duck: Wait! I haven't tried toadying, kowtowing and butt-kissing yet! I'm still begging here!

Bugs Bunny: Oh, I hate to see a grown man cry... especially when it's a girl.

[in area 52, Daffy has been liquefied]

Kate Houghton: You are going to put him back, right? 'Cause I can't return to LA with duck soup.

Mother: We do have the resources to reconstitute the body. The mind, though, will remain a gooey mess.

Daffy Duck: Smell that, DJ? That's the sweet aroma of money, glamour, and busload upon busload of senior citizens.

DJ Drake: Cool it, duck. This could be dangerous.

Daffy Duck: Right, we find Dusty Tails, save your dad, get the diamond, apply kung-fu liberally as needed.

Yosemite Sam: [regarding a lit dynamite stick in the car] Throw it out the window! Throw it out the window! Throw it out!

Nasty Canasta: But innocent people could get hurt.

Yosemite Sam: Throw it out the window!

Cottontail Smith: But it'll send the wrong message to children.

Yosemite Sam: I said throw it out the...

[dynamite explodes]

Yosemite Sam: Ooooh!

[a Wal-Mart appears in the desert]

Bugs Bunny: Is that a mirage, or just product placement?

Daffy Duck: Oh, who cares, with shopping convenience at such low prices? Water! Fresca! Mountain Dew! Your Product Name Here!

DJ Drake: Is this your idea?

Kate Houghton: The audience expects it. They don't even notice this kind of thing anymore.

Mother: DJ, I've known you since you were this big.

[holds fingers an inch apart]

Mother: That's... that's not really possible. Must have been a photo.

[Mr. Chairman decides to send the Tasmanian Devil to retrieve the Blue Monkey]

Acme VP, Never Learning: [presses buzzer] Sir, while we agree that the Tasmanian Devil is extremely vicious, if memory serves he is also incredibly stupid.

Mr. Chairman: Really? Well so are you!

[Mr. Chairman opens the cage holding the Tasmanian Devil, who heads out of shot. The sounds of a fight are heard, before the Tasmanian Devil returns to his cage. The camera pans back to VP, Never Learning, who has been reduced to just a skeleton]

Acme VP, Never Learning: [presses buzzer] I withdraw my objection.

[poking at Mother's Area 52 from the outside]

Bugs Bunny: Suddenly I feel like I'm in Aunt Marge's Jell-O mold.

Marvin the Martian: [Marvin jars a side of Bugs's and Daffy's spaceship; then, a metal claw holding a key comes out of Bugs's and Daffy's spaceship and scratches a side of Marvin's spaceship] Vandals!

Daffy Duck: Why, D.J.? Why you? Why wasn't it me? - Just academic curiosity, you understand.

Mother: So, what were we discussing? Is this about those giant ants?

Kate Houghton: Giant ants?

Mother: Because they aren't really ants... anymore.

[the aliens in Area 52 are surrounding them]

Daffy Duck: Yipes! Illegal aliens!

Dalek: Exterminate Them!


Bugs Bunny: [car almost crashes and then stops all of a sudden] Eh, out of gas.

Kate Houghton: [screen goes black] What? It doesn't work like that!

Bugs Bunny: [screen goes back to car as it crashes] Thanks, toots.

[the group is lost in the desert]

Bugs Bunny: I told you we should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque.

Daffy Duck: Now don't start that again.

Mr. Chairman: Chair people, I reveal to you... the whereabouts of the Blue Monkey

[laughs, then plugs the phone in the table and the map appears with Daffy in it]

Mr. Chairman: ... There's a duck in the middle of the map, remove the duck... Remove the Duck! The duck is in the mid... Duck!

[Throws the phone at the screen and breaks it]

Mr. Chairman: ... Oh... Now, we cannot let a boy, a girl, and a duck and a rabbit thwart our plans for global domination!

Damien Drake: Wanna bet?

Mr. Chairman: A Wager?

Damien Drake: $5 dollars says my son will scuttle your diabolicle plans and save the world.

Mr. Chairman: You're awfully spunky for a man in your position

[Uses the controls to make Damien slap himself in the face]

Mr. Chairman: ... How do you like that, Mr. Slap-Yourself-In-Your-Own-Face"?

[Gives the controls to the Laboratory Scientist]

Mr. Chairman: [to the Scientist] Give him a good zets every once in a while

[gives the controls to the scientist]

Mr. Chairman: .

Laboratory Scientist: My pleasure

[then continues making Damien slap himself]

Laboratory Scientist: .

[DJ Drake approaches toward Pepe Le Pew]

Pepe Le Pew: Oui, monsieur?

[Translation: 'Yes, sir?"]

DJ Drake: There's a, man out there. He's got a woman. She's tied up in a burlap sack. He's taking her to the Eiffel Tower.

Pepe Le Pew: Ah, it is Spring, is it not?

[Pepe's sticky smell affects on DJ]

DJ Drake: The great thing about movies, you always know what's gonna happen. For intense, if this was a movie, you and I'd probably wind up together.

DJ Drake: We think we should go back and help him?

Kate Houghton: Nah. Elmer never gets Bugs.

[Mr. Smith peeks in behind Kate]

Kate Houghton: It's a formula, but it works.

[Mr. Smith silently kidnaps Kate]

Granny: Enjoy the rest of your adventure, children.

Tweety Bird: [Sees his family] I've discovered my roots.

Sylvester: [Sees the birds as food] i've discovered my lunch.

Tweety's Family: [Non-verbal whistling; subtitled] "I tawt I taw a puddy tat!"

[Granny rises Tweety's cage up to allow his family to attack Sylvester]

Tweety Bird: [In a cultural suit] Cry freedom!

Daffy Duck: [Running with DJ Drake to the exix of Yosemite Sam's Wooden Nickel] "And then they made their heroric escape!"

[Daffy slams against the door. DJ runs back and gets him]

[DJ Drake and Daffy exits Yosemite Sam's Wooden Nickel]

Daffy Duck: I say we do Cirque du Soleli and call it a night.

Yosemite Sam: [Offscreen, Inside; Gunshots heard in the background] Come back!

Daffy Duck: [He and DJ approaches the latter's Gremlin car] How about the Liberace Museum?

[Daffy and DJ gets into the latter's car]

Daffy Duck: All right, let's see what this baby can really do.

DJ Drake: [Overlaps briefly above the sentence, slapping Daffy with the car key] No, no.

[DJ starts the car, but the car itself falls apart by itself]

Daffy Duck: Now, that's an interesting feature.

Kate Houghton: [She and Bugs Bunny is scrolling Las Vegas in Damien Drake's car] There's gotta be 314 hotels and 142 casinos in Las Vegas. We are never going to find that duck.

[Daffy runs toward the cars and slams on the windshelid.; Kate sighs]

Bugs Bunny: [Chuckles] Daff nerver misses a cue.

[DJ approaches Daffy and restores his body, then puts him into the car]

Bugs Bunny: What's up, duck?

Daffy Duck: Don't you start with me.

DJ Drake: [to Kate in the Damien's car] Excuse me.

[Kate turns her head toward DJ]

DJ Drake: You!

Kate Houghton: You!

Daffy Duck: You.

Bugs Bunny: Him.

Daffy Duck: Her.

Bugs BunnyDaffy Duck: Them!

Jeff Gordon: [to the local, with his business card] It's a modified Chevrolet with a big 24 on the side.

[Jeff gives his business card to the local. His NASCAR vehicle, from Dupont, arrives and the driver gets out of his car]

Yosemite Sam: [to Jeff] Out of my way, fancy boy. I'm a-commandeering this here clown car.

Yosemite Sam: [to Nasty and Cottontail] After them, boys!

Nasty Canasta: [He and Cottontail gets into Jeff's car] Shotgun!

[They drive on the car, with Sam behind]

Yosemite Sam: O-oooo-oooh!

[Starts running after the car]

Yosemite Sam: Rag-flagging ragtag sidekicks!

[Near the end of the above sentence, a taxi hits Sam and gets into the car]

[DJ arrives at his home with his motorcycle. Next door, Granny is trimming ther hedges with Tweety in his birdcage]

Granny: [as DJ turns off his cycle and pops his helmet off] Little Damian.

DJ Drake: Oh hey, Granny.

DJ Drake: [as he gets off his cycle] Hi, Tweety.

Tweety Bird: [as Sylvester the Cat approaches under Tweety's cage] How was work today?

DJ Drake: Eventful.

Granny: [after DJ goes inside his home] What a nice, young man.

Sylvester: [as Granny accidently cut his tail; yelling to the above] Yee-oww!

[Opening text in the Civil Defense Film]

Text: [in white] This is an official United States Civil Defense film

Text: [in white] Produced in cooperation with The Civil Defense Administration

Text: [in red stamp over the text] Top Secret

Host of Civil Defense Film: Greetings, Damian Drake. If you are watching this, you are aware that the world indeed is in grave danger. The ACME Corporation is in hot pursuit of the Blue

Host of Civil Defense Film: [in animation simulation; offscreen] Monkey Diamond. A supernatural gem with the ability to turn people, into monkeys, and then back agian. It is the ACME chairman's goal to turn the population into monkey slaves, to manufacture shoddy ACME goods, and change them back to people to buy the stuff.

[In the science lab, the electrical rays turn the liquid Daffy into a duck himself again]

Daffy Duck: Unbelievable.

Host of Civil Defense Film: Unbelievable, you may say.

Host of Civil Defense Film: [in animation; offscreen] Your mission is this: Find it, Destroy it,

[the diamond explodes]

Host of Civil Defense Film: Save Humanity,

People: [cheering] Ya-aaa-ay!

Host of Civil Defense Film: and remember: No one wants to be turned into a monkey.

Dusty Tails: [Grabs the poker card] I was supposed to give him this.

DJ Drake: [as Daffy grabs the card] That.

Daffy Duck: [Examines the card] This is not a king-sized diamond.

[the card is shown with the heads of Mona Lisa plastering the queen's heads]

Daffy Duck: [offscreen] This is a Queen of Diamonds.

Daffy Duck: What kind of sick joke is this?

[Dusty karate chops Daffy's neck as she grabs the card from hjm]

DJ Drake: Oh. Can I have that?

Daffy Duck: [Offscreen] Very funny.

Dusty Tails: Aah. That is so sweet.

[after receiving an assignment]

Marvin the Martian: A mission? I'm all for a-tingle!