Rachel Bitterman: "Working for a dream." That's beautiful. You know, my employees work for salaries.
Kermit: [on the phone with Kelly] Right, right. Listen, we are all big fans. I watch you every morning. And we were wondering if you'd come out and star in our Christmas show at the Muppet Theater.
Kermit: [on the phone with Molly] Well, good golly, Miss Molly. You are such a big star, it would be an honor to us if you would come out and be in our show.
Molly Shannon - Cameo Appearance: Let me remind you about the last time I worked with a frog. We fell madly in love. So, naturally I have a key made to his apartment. I break in and reorganize his closets while he's at work as a little favor. And how a I rewarded for going to all this trouble? The frog stops calling me. Remember that?
Kermit: [and the rejects begin] Hey there, Madonna, want a free Muppet t-shirt? Courteney, can you juggle? Thanks, Mr. Connery. I understand, Mr. Schwarzenegger. Hello, Mister Rogers? Hello, Angelina? Oh, hi there, Britney? Hello, Nicole? Gee, I could sure do with a little star power around there, Triumph. Is there any way you could help me out?
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog: Muppet movies are always the best.
Kermit: You mean that?
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog: For me to poop on!
Kermit: Right, right, ya got me again, bye-bye.
Sam the Eagle: It seems the words on my mug are right: "It is hard to soar with Eagles when you work with Turkeys."
Pepe the Prawn: I've got some good news for everyone, unless you are an evil banker lady, then it sucks, okay.
Janice: [Kermit has just asked for a miracle, and heavenly music plays] Oh... sorry. Like, I was totally just tuning up my harp.
The Great Gonzo: [Gonzo into a walkie talkie] Gonzo to Scooter, Gonzo to Scooter. Bring home the bacon. Over.
Scooter: 10-4. Bacon down. Bacon down.
Rizzo the rat: [pulls on string trying to lift down Miss Piggy] Roger. Bacon down. Bacon down.
Miss Piggy: Will you hurry up? Don't make me miss my cue!
Scooter: The ham is jammed. Repeat the ham is jammed.
Statler: [Up in the balcony, Statler and Waldorf make fun of Pepe's bad jokes] Hey, the shrimp's floundering!
[Statler and Waldorf both laugh]
Pepe the Prawn: You shut-up okay?
Statler: He told us to clam up!
Waldorf: What's he want to do? Mussle us?
[Both laugh again]
Pepe the Prawn: Don't get me steamed okay!
Statler: Steamed shrimp!
Waldorf: Oh, pass the cocktail sauce!
Pepe the Prawn: That's it. I'm coming up there!
[Leaves the stage to go to the balcony]
Statler: Whoooaaa... I'm shaking!
Waldorf: You're always shaking.
[He laughs and Statler grumbles]
Joe Snow: If I lived to be 102, I would never forget the time the Muppets almost missed Christmas, it was a...
Muppet Director: Hey, hold it! Cut! What are you doing here?
Joe Snow: Why, I'm Joe Snow, your admirable, good natured narrator.
Muppet Director: Snowman narrator? There ain't nothin' in here that says anything about a snowman narrator. Get out of here, you Burl Ives wannabe.
Fozzie: Where's Ms. Bitterman's office? I gotta get this money up to her!
Security Guard: Let me think. If I was a bear, I'd store my honey in a tree somewhere...
Fozzie: No, not honey! Money! I gotta see Ms. Bitterman so I can give her her MO-NEY!
Security Guard: Oh, Ms. Bitterman's laundry. She's on the 17th floor. I'll call her to tell her you're coming.
Fozzie: Thank you!
Security Guard: Gesundheit.
[Cut to Ms. Bitterman's office. She answers the phone]
Rachel Bitterman: Hello?
Rachel Bitterman: No! That can't be! Stop him!
Rachel Bitterman: No, not stockings! STOP HIM! Oh, never mind.
Kermit: The park! It's back! I'm back! And I've got spit in my eye, but I don't care, because I'm back, thanks to you, Daniel!
Daniel: [to the "Boss"] H-hey! What did you do to my clothes? I look like some sort of ice cream man from "Hello, Dolly!"
Kermit: W-who are you? You look like some sort of ice cream man from 'Hello, Dolly!'
Daniel: I know. We'll alert the press. We'll start a media frenzy...
Kermit: It's no use. Bitterman owns the papers, she owns the television stations, and three-quarters of the internet.
Daniel: How can one person own so much?
Kermit: Corporate synergy. It's out of control.
[Kermit crosses his legs, exposing an NBC logo under his flipper]
Daniel: [to Kermit, who sees Rizzo on Fear Factor] In a world where you never existed, everything's been altered. Without you, 90% of prime time television is reality shows.
Lew Zealand: Yep, someone has had a little too much egg nog, kissing a pork on the chops like that.
Kermit: Can we make enough money?
Dr. Honeydew: Yes... I mean, no... I mean, yes...
[Opens window where Beeker's hand is caught]
Dr. Honeydew: Beaker, do you have my wax pencil? Oh, never mind, here it is.
[Closes window on Beeker's hand again]
Dr. Honeydew: Yes, if we fill 1,900 seats...
Kermit: But that's impossible!
Dr. Honeydew: Or not pay anyone 'til New Year's.
Kermit: Oh, that's not so bad.
Dr. Honeydew: ...of next year.
Scooter: Wait, ladies! My uncle used to own the theater!
Kermit: I wish I've never been born!
Kermit: [watching Rizzo the Rat on "Fear Factor"] How can NBC live with themselves?