The Ranch (2004 TV Movie) User Reviews (14)

Speechless! I am without speech.

[EvadRepus · 4/10 · 29 November 2004]

Well, not really speechless, because I have a lot to say about this movie!

Before I went to rent this DVD, I had read reviews and descriptions about the movie on several sites. It's about the women who work at a brothel in Nevada, and phrases like "sexually explicit" and "T&A" were coming up more than once. Brothel? T&A? You pretty much know what to expect with this movie, right? So I go to the video store and read the cover, and the description is about what I had seen on the net; it even says "Rated R: Sexual content, Including dialogue". I think to myself, "This was made for Showtime, I wonder why it's even rated?", but I'm not really concerned, because I've seen several PG-13 movies that have a fair amount of T&A, so an R rated version of a movie made for pay-cable should still be more or less intact. Right?

Then I get it home and watch it, and I end up looking around the room for the hidden camera, because I know I must be being "Punk'd". Why? First, there is the "Sexual Content"; There is no nudity in this movie. None. Zero. No brief flashes, no side views, nada. And what about the "dialogue"? The F-word is clumsily (and obviously, just look at their mouths!) dubbed with words like "frick" and "heck", a**hole is replaced with "arrogant" and "blowhard", b!tch replaced with "witch", the phrase "BJ" is inserted where the actors mouths are clearly saying the two words that "BJ" stands for, etc., etc. I've done a bit more searching on the net, and have found out that there are both "Unrated" and "R-Rated" versions of the DVD. That's fine, many movies have an unrated release that adds a couple extra scenes or goes a little farther than the rated version did. But this "R" version could have aired on network TV! It certainly isn't family viewing, but it's nowhere near "R".

If you want to watch this flick for the plot alone, you'll probably be disappointed there, too. This was the pilot for a series that never materialized, so all the story lines are left hanging in the air; the movie just sort-of ends with no closure to anything. But if you want to watch this for, ahem, reasons other than plot, be sure to find the unrated version! That has to be the version other reviewers were talking about.

Take your pick

[kosmasp · 6/10 · 4 June 2023]

No pun intended - being in a safe space and place is always a good thing. Even more so if your job is ... selling yourself. Not sure about the term Ranch, but I reckon that is a way to describe a house that holds women who sell themselves - we all need money after all. And hey they are not cheap, so they may only need to do it for a shorter amount of time then others.

That all being said, the actors are decent (you know I had to) - but only when it comes to their ability to act of course. There is a lot of nudity, which I didn't expect to be honest, but it does make sense. You cannot be sensitive if you plan to watch this ... just be sure that is the case and you'll be good ... a good boy that is ...ok I'll stop right here.

Lame, tame, and more of the same

[=G= · 5 July 2004]

Did you hear about the prostitute who went to confessions and recognized the priest's stuttering voice through the confessional screen as belonging to one of her customers? Probably not because I just made it up. The point is, "The Ranch" is far less creative than that as it takes you into a Nevada ranch-style brothel and a jambalaya of cliches and stereotypes. You'll see all manner of prostitute issues from health issues to security issues to social stigma issues to family issues...yadayadayada. You'll see ample T, some A, and some softcore stuff with plenty of frank sex talk in this dramady which plays out like part bad sitcom and part bad soap opera. What you won't see is originality, creativity, or the real deal. Yuck! (C)

A Laughable Misinformed Mess.

[vitaleralphlouis · 1/10 · 7 January 2007]

Susan Seidelman went to a real-life legalized brothel in Nevada and came back thinking she had the inside scoop --- rather than this laughable misinformed mess. Her film is every bit as false as the HBO specials with self-serving interviews at the Moonlight Ranch outside Carson City.

You will be treated to the usual spin job about incredible incomes and silly sucker-born-every-minute customers. All nonsense. She also has no clue that there are two drastically different brothel scenes in Nevada. One was prior to the IRS seizure of the Mustang Ranch, and the other following its permanent closure. The closure was followed by a radical increase in prices (about 400%) which drove away their prime core customers such as cowboys, truckers, casual tourists, other ordinary men. The casual atmosphere died and was replaced by the hard sell. With most girls only nabbing two or less customers a day, the "girls" became mostly the over-the-hill ones who hung on for lack of any other job experience.

What you will not see is that in the Mustang Era the girls did 21 day shifts, in-house for 21 days, working 8 to 10 hours, sleeping in the rooms they work in, dining in-house, etc. Most that don't have money- hungry boy friends have kids to support and live in places like Lockwood, the nearby town that's mostly a trailer park city. A very few will take fancy vacations or own a flashy new car.

What you also will not find in this painfully dishonest movie is the genuine good times had by many men and the girls as well, some just at the bar, or with two people who know each other alone in the room with soft lights and music.

The movie, like the HBO shows, will highlight "The Menu" and tell you about the alleged "services" offered, as if to imply that more than 1 in 100 ever go for The Menu --- strictly greenhorn and sucker bait.

This movie is recommended as a hoot-flick for a beer party, but only if everybody knows the movie, like Reefer Madness, is a joke.

Not a bad waste of time

[krago123 · 7/10 · 15 August 2005]

It was an enjoyable hour-and-a-half, though it really had the feel of a made-for-TV movie. I found out later it was a pilot for Showtime, so it wasn't a big surprise.

Amy Madigan did a very good job, and seemed realistic in the role, not all Hollywood glamour. And as a Canadian, I got a kick out of seeing "Hank" from Corner Gas in a very tiny role.

One question: I liked the actress who portrayed the wife whose husband was a guest at the ranch (and later came by for sex lessons). But her character was never named in the movie, so I don't know who played her. Any guesses?

surprisingly engaging, even with its problems

[irvthom1-1 · 8/10 · 30 November 2006]

I didn't expect much of this film, but it somehow grabbed my interest and held it for the full length. I admit I was disappointed at the rather abrupt ending; it left the impression that the producers ran out of money, or film. But that being said, it was decently acted, and as another reviewer said, it presented thought-provoking concerns. I found myself rooting for those gals, most of them, which means the film made me care about their lives, and I consider that the mark of good theater.

As to the lack of real sex or actual nudity, I rank that as positive. It gave the expectedly raunchy plot-line a bit of unexpected class. I could better relate to these girls as real people with real issues.

Be not fooled...

[tuttletale88 · 22 January 2006]

...this film is not nearly as provocative as the cover would lead you to believe. The brief sex scenes are few and far between, and, apart from the bare breasts of many of its leading ladies (which earns this movie its four points), the skin shown is no more than would be found in a mainstream film. The sex itself is shown only in a comical manner, which is not only a letdown to men who watch it to be titillated, but to women who watch it to be emotionally moved. The strong female bonding aspect of the movie could just as easily have been portrayed without trying to gain access to the male demographic who would only spend their hard-earned 75 cents renting it because they thought it was some decent soft-core action.

This soOoOoo should've been a TV series

[rooprect · 8/10 · 11 November 2020]

"The Ranch" is the 90 min pilot for a Showtime tv series that sadly, disappointingly, heart-crushingly, never happened. The first thing you should know about this movie is that it is not, not, NOT, not even trying to be, porn or even erotic in any way, shape or form. Did I mention that this isn't porn? Oh by the way, this is not porn.

Good, you made it past the 1st paragraph of my review which means you're actually interesting in this movie for its plot, acting, characters and themes. On that account, you won't be disappointed. The premise of "The Ranch" may seem like a cliché (a bunch of babes working at a brothel, trying to deal with the stigma and judgmental attitudes toward women in the sex profession while lookin for love in all the wrong places), but this production gives it an interesting, unpredictable, and very human treatment that will pull you in from the opening scene to the ending and leave you wanting much more. How? The characters.

Being a pilot, it spends a good amount of time setting up the characters, their personalities, hidden demons and complex interactions with each other. This means it doesn't have a lightning-paced, thrill-ride, twisty-turny plot, but instead it feels more like a slow-boiling drama that keeps getting deeper as we get more invested in each person's role. There is "Shayna" who quits the Ranch to marry a fine upstanding gentleman, thinking she can get away with never telling him about her past. There is "Taylor" who is in a dirty custody battle over a young daughter who idolizes her but whose father thinks she's slime. There is "Velvet" who is an ex-child actress whose life is hitting rock bottom, and half a dozen other well-written characters, each excellently and believably played.

While sexuality is the the underlying theme of "The Ranch", it's not a primary focus. Here sexuality is simply the "McGuffin" (a term Hitchcock coined to refer to the thing in a movie that everyone is fighting over). And you realize that this is a metaphor for any secret "shame" that elicits scowls and sideward glances in society. Sex scenes themselves are handled as mostly comedy (with some hilarious gags that made me LOL) and that was an unexpected direction, but totally fitting when you realize that the filmmakers are deliberately trying to downplay the eroticism so we can focus on the human stories.

There are even a dark themes such as the very young looking prostitute who deliberately entices would-be pedophiles and child molesters, at one point making the controversial point: "it's better that they *** me than their 10 year old daughter!"

If "The Ranch" had been made into a regular tv series it would've been a smash hit. Perhaps it was 5-10 years ahead of its time, because challenging "anti-hero" dramas like this didn't take root until shows like "Breaking Bad". In any case, it's a total bummer that this is all we get, but even as a standalone teaser to an epic series, it's well worth the watch.

Pretty bad but guilty fun

[coolbluegreen · 6 July 2004]

I watched this because Susan Seidelman directed it. I guess she needs the work. I guess Amy Madigan (a respected actress and deservedly so) does too.

In the first case, it's not really a story. There's no cohesive story line with a beginning, middle, and end. It's more of a slice-of-life. Boy, is it silly and predictable. It portrays the lives of some prostitutes at a Nevada brothel. It has the requisite violence-against-a-prostitute scene. Can't one of these films NOT have that? Is there anything good about this movie? Well, Samantha Ferris, the actress who plays Taylor, has a smoldering sexuality and great appeal and Jessica Collins, the actress who plays Kim, is exceptionally lovely. Oh, Paige Moss, the chick who played Veruca on Buffy the Vampire Slayer plays a really mean prostitute named Rickie Lee -- always good to see a Buffy alum. However, this movie goes nowhere and resolves nothing. The songs are very good (especially the Erin Mckeown song) and all the actresses seem to have real breasts! Yes -- shocking -- I know -- but they all have real breasts! No silicone in sight -- astounding. It really made me think about how infrequently we see real breasts in plastic-surgery-crazed Hollywood productions anymore.

I like the movie

[mexmodels · 10/10 · 30 May 2005]

I liked the story,beautiful girls and the story gives you the life of different types of woman from the exploited one by her "proxeneta", the chic that wants to live a new life hiding her past without telling to her couple, the expertise in sex that wants to give her daughter what she didn't had, the lesbian one , etc, etc. I liked the stories because these woman have in common their good mood (except the Asian one) and share each other their experiences. It's rarely that I put attention on one whole film but this one called my attention , maybe because of the beauty of the girls, I don't know but I suggest this movie. Will this fill have a second part ? thank you

Ranch - y

[barnthebarn · 31 March 2005]

The Ranch is amazingly thought provoking. Available in two versions, the uncut has added (and unnecessary) nudity. Paige Moss is a standout in a small role and Carly Pope features very briefly as sister to one of the main girls. What is amazing about this film is the sheer intensity of each womens phlight. One is on the run from a vicious pimp, another getting married but has not told the guy what she was, one is a talented singer, the list goes on. Each girl undergoes a voyage of self discovery and the viewer is left to ponder really serious dilemmas. Does it matter what someone you love has done previously?, Should you help a stranger in trouble?, Should you tell someone you love them regardless of pain it might cause?, Should you forgive your family against better judgement?, Should you try to understand strange people?, Should men be allowed? (a joke, obviously!). Watch this film if you can!

The Ranch is a must see!

[rupala617 · 28 November 2004]

If you want an enticing, fun(ny) insightful, tug at your heartstrings kinda flick to see? See The Ranch! Beautifully shot. Beautiful girls. Beautiful story that leaves you wanting more… Grit laced in hope. Humanity laced in reality… People doing what they have to do… I think Lisa Melamed's poignant story is beautifully directed by Sex In The City's Susan Seidelman. Classic beauty Jessica Collins shares a moment/scene with Nicki Micheaux that is NOT to be missed. Paige Moss delivers a character that disturbs brilliantly. You feel Bonnie Root's character's broken dreams, and Samantha Ferris' simply wanting to be a good parent… All held together with Amy Madigan's nine millimeter! The Ranch is a MUST see!

Surprisingly a GREAT movie!

[Anabanana21 · 16 October 2011]

This is a movie that could of continued for another 2 hours and I wouldn't of minded nor thought about. I hated that it ended so soon, I was really into it, really behind all the characters. I feel the only mistake the film makers made was to have it end like it did, there was too much left over that needed to be answered. Like I said I could of continued to watch this a lot longer. The acting was superb, the story lines golden. It had the right amount of humour mixed in with the serious aspects. A true look at the behind scenes of a brothel. I even felt myself concerned for Rickie, she clearly had a lot of baggage that we just didn't get to see, only a small glint in her expression, there was more of a story to be told there. Same with Shayna and what happened with her fiancé, same with them all to be honest. I felt given more time in this movie they could have developed each character further because what they had created were a bunch of amazing characters that you wanted to watch grow. The writers, creators made a huge mistake cutting it so short, because they leave you with incomplete characters that really deserved a proper ending. So that would be the movies biggest flaw but apart from that I give it a 10 out of 10 because I would add this movie to my collection, its something I would watch again, I thoroughly enjoyed it just writers...get off you arses and complete the story please! Completely recommend this if you like a good story, and something real to watch. While they work in a brothel there is slim to non nudity, and barely any sexual content, which is good it means you can focus properly on the story, and the pornographic aspect doesn't completely take over. I know that was a worry of mine before I started watching but I was surprised.

not very good at all **(possible spoilers)**

[skater331_99 · 14 December 2004]

This movie is like a pseudo lifetime network story, it is a story of brothel workers and how they get empowered by sticking together and a women who is trying to get out of the business by getting married. This movie left so many question un answered and frankly i don't mind at all. It was not a good movie and plus the version i saw for some reason the DVD was edited. The words didn't match the mouths of the people covering harsher words with tamer ones such as "shoot" and "freaking" and yes even "heck". I don't understand the relevance of the word censoring when the point of the movie is prostitution. Another problem is that all of these problems occur in the film and are absolutely not solved at all, it isn't an open ending it is just a film that looked like a poor rushed attempt at a TV movie(which it was). When all is said and done I give this movie a 1* out of 10, for bad acting,bad writing/directing and no character development whatsoever.