Kit Porter: Let me talk to Tina.
Bette: What would you say?
Kit Porter: That my sister is a pootie chasin' dog, who deserves to be tied down and whupped upside the head, but it doesn't change the fact that she loves you more than she loves her own life. And that you should finish punishing her and get back to figuring on how to live with one another for the next 50 years or more.
Bette: You could give it a try.
[Goes to take a bite of food, and stops, looking as if she's about to cry]
Kit Porter: Now don't you go and pull a Marina on me now.
Bette: [Bette and Tina are talking on the phone] And you know who's responsible for this? Your buddy Helena Peabody. The woman is a fucking dragon and she's making my life a living hell.
[Tina doesn't respond. Instead, she looks around impatiently, no longer looking interested in the call]
Bette: Oh, please tell me you're not sleeping with her, Tina.
Tina: [frustrated] Bette.
Bette: Are you sleeping with her? Are you fucking sleeping with her?
Tina: It's none of your fucking business.
Bette: Don't do it, Tina, that woman will eat you alive. She is a vampire.
Tina: Yeah, and a dragon.
Bette: That's right. She is a monster. However you wanna categorize it, she likes to fuck with people for sport and...
Alice: [talking about admitting that they are attracted to each other] Well, we just took the first step, we took the power out of it.
Dana: [they slow down their stretching and begin to stare at each other. Dana kinda snaps out of it] I think we need to take the second step.
[and jogs off]
Alice: [nodding] Yeah, okay.
Alice: [little bit later on] We need to counteract it. We just need to avoid all situations where we find each other most attractive.
Alice: We need, like... rules of un-attraction.
Dana: Okay, like never be alone together, in places like the bathroom at The Planet.
Alice: Right! Never be alone together.
Dana: Especially never be alone together... in places where's there's like a bed or a couch.
Alice: Right, or - or - a table.
Alice: Or a floor...
Alice: Or the backseat of a car.
Dana: [smiling] Ooh, that'd be good.
Dana: That *wouldn't* be good!
Alice: Okay, you need to stop showing up at The Planet after you've worked out, when you're all sweaty and your veins are all popping all over the place.
Dana: You like that?
Dana: [Alice raises her eyebrows and looks at Dana like duh!] Tonya hates that. Alright, well then you can't wear those shirts any more.
Alice: What shirts?
Dana: You know, the ones where...
Dana: they cling to you in some places and fall off you in others?
Dana: [Alice has a huge grin on her face. Dana kind of rolls her eyes] Fuck you.
Alice: Okay, that's *totally* against the rules.
Betty: [intro song] Girls in tight dresses / Who drag with mustaches / Chicks drivin' fast / Ingenues with long lashes/ Women who long, love, lust / Women who give. / This is the way / it's the way that we live.
Betty: Talking, laughing, loving, breathing, fighting, fucking crying, drinking, riding, winning, losing, cheating, kissing, thinking, dreaming. / This is the way / it's the way that we live / It's the way that we liiiiiiiiiiiive.
Betty: And love.
Alice: We need like, rules of un-attraction.
Alice: [sitting down in a cafe to enjoy a nice afternoon with one another because The Planet is closed] Does she know that we're having coffee?
Dana: Um... She's in New Port beach with her family.
Dana: No... no she doesn't know but, I'm not hiding it.
Alice: Well, if she was at the beach we could have met at your place, like the good old days.
[waves fist in the air]
Dana: But, we have rules and we're trying to follow them.
[looking down at the table, or anywhere else that's not Alice's face]
Alice: Does that mean that you're finding it difficult?
[also looking away from Dana]
Dana: No... no not at all, you?
Alice: Piece of cake.
[they look at each other and smile]
[Jenny and Annette are in the bathroom at Tim's house having a light conversation about Jenny's affair. Jenny is on the floor sipping a cup of water, while Annette gets ready in the mirror]
Annette: So Jen... were you always a lesbian?
Jenny: [Takes a sip of water] I never said I was a lesbian.
Annette: So it just came outta no where and bit you on the ass like that? Cause I mean... I love women... yeah I mean, for the companionship. I figure I could do without the company of men entirely except dude
[turns to Jenny]
Annette: I can't get down with the puss... I love a dick.
Jenny: I think I'm bisexual.
Annette: Oh brother...
Jenny: [interrupting] I do... I really do.
Annette: Jenny, is this just your way of telling me that you had a crush on me in college?
Jenny: ... no.
Annette: [smiling] You're lying... You were madly in love with me.
[Turns back to the mirror]
Annette: Well I gotta get a look at this Marina, to see if she's worth it...
Jenny: [smiling] no...
Jenny: Oh no...
Annette: Yeah... no we gotta stalk her, no we gotta stalker her jenny just a little bit so I can see.
Jenny: no, no, no... no stalking
Jenny: Because... um... her girlfriend's back in town.
Annette: Her Girlfriend!
Jenny: I know...
Annette: Man, does this story get any better?
Alice: Cold in the streets, hot in the sheets
Moira Sweeney: [to Jenny] If you think that men are the enemy, then you and I are going to have a serious problem.
Dana: [apologizing to Lara] Can I please try again? I really want to try again. Can I?
Lara Perkins: One thing.
Dana: [holding back tears] Anything.
Lara Perkins: You have to start taking at least take some steps towards being out.
Dana: I will.
Lara Perkins: Because you're going to be miserable being in the closet.
Dana: I know.
Lara Perkins: And you are really, really gay.
Dana: [almost laughing] I know.
Lara Perkins: And it's one of the things I like so much about you. If you hide that, you're hiding the best part.