Mr. 3000 (2004)

Bernie Mac: Stan

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Stan is in a commerical] 

  Stan : You don't like me because I sign autographs.

  [hits a baseball] 

  Stan : You don't like me because I tell you what's on my mind.

  [Hits another baseball] 

  Stan : But you love me because I am the greatest hitters alive!

  [swings a few more hits] 

• Tom Arnold : Hey, we're sorry about all that stuff we said before you hit that homer...

  Stan : Yeah, you wouldn't be anywhere if it wasn't for Roseanne.

• Stan : Pitch to me!

  Norton : Reach out there and get it.

• Minadeo : Stan Ross! You're batting 8th!

  Stan : 8th! That's for banjo hitters. I never batted lower than 5th in my life.

  Fukuda : You bat there now, you son of my dick.

• Stan : Stan, you're going to be the best looking cat in the Hall of Fame, that's for dog gone sure.

• Stan : Do you want to get married? You're the only one who loves me.

  Boca : You know, I've been waiting years for you to ask me that. Now that you have, I don't know.

• [T-Rex has hit a solo home run and does a dance before crossing home plate] 

  Giants Catcher : What the hell is that?

  Rex 'T-Rex' Pennebaker : That right there, that's a little something something for Sportscenter. Plus, that's going to look tight on next year's video game.

  [T-Rex is congratulated by teammates after entering the dugout] 

  Stan : What the hell you call yourself doin'?

  Rex 'T-Rex' Pennebaker : Yo, I'm putting the show IN the Show.

  Stan : But your team losing. Instead of you playing, you making like Mr. Bojangles.

  Rex 'T-Rex' Pennebaker : I just hit a home run, son. Maybe you was taking a grandpa nap during that part.

  Stan : But your team gettin' picked off. Your boys ain't beating out grounders. There should have been two men on when you hit that homer. It should be a ballgame right now.

  Rex 'T-Rex' Pennebaker : Yo, so yell at them, old school. Get up out of my face, man, I did my job.

  Stan : But you the - you the superstar. You set the tone.

  Rex 'T-Rex' Pennebaker : Listen here. When you get a base hit, in this millennium, then you can come on down there, and talk to me.

• Stan : Yo, T-Rex! Hold up. You know why I stepped in tonight with them reporters?

  Rex 'T-Rex' Pennebaker : Yeah. Because you can't stand to see another brother getting some attention.

  Stan : Boy, that's what you think?

  Rex 'T-Rex' Pennebaker : Yeah man, that's what I think.

  Stan : Let me tell you something. You keep talking about yourself the way you do, boasting about yourself, you're going to end up all by yourself, alone and empty, like you are right now. You know what's going to happen? They're gonna retire your number someday, and Big Horse Berelli gonna be standing right up there with you.

  Rex 'T-Rex' Pennebaker : [scoffs]  Yeah? Who the hell is Big Horse Berelli?

  Stan : That's my point exactly. Nice car.

  [Stan walks away whistling the Mister Softee tune]