- Henry: Appreciate your time. Not everybody would have stopped like you. You're real sweet.
- Lucy: Oh, yeah. Thank you.
- Henry: Okay.
- Lucy: Okay.
- [Henry pretends to get electrocuted while jump-starting his car]
- Henry: Hah! I can't believe you fell for that!
- Lucy: Well... my grandfather died while trying to jump-start a car...
- Henry: Oh... I'm so sorry. I was just joking around.
- Lucy: I can't believe you fell for THAT!
- [at the Callahan Institute]
- Security Guard 1: Hey Lucy, good to see you again!
- [Lucy walks by quietly]
- Security Guard 1: What the hell's her problem?
- Security Guard 2: She doesn't remember who you are, brah.
- Security Guard 1: Oh yeah, I suck at this job!
- Lucy: Yeah, that's right. Take that! And that! And that! And that! And that!
- Henry: You got him. You got him. Enough. Enough.
- Lucy: Are you okay?
- Henry: Yes.
- Lucy: Okay, I'll be right back. Hey! Come here!
- Henry: No, no, no. I think he's had enough. I'm sorry.
- Ula: My eye!
- Henry: You got him!
- Lucy: Not good enough.
- Ula: Oh, Kamehameha!
- Henry: He learned his lesson!
- Young Woman: So, you must be Lucy's friend. The one who made the tape.
- Lucy: I think he's more than my friend. You're my boyfriend, right?
- Henry: Yes, ma'am.
- Stacy: So every day you help her to realize what happened and you wait patiently for her to be okay with it... then you get her to fall in love with you again?
- Henry: Yes, ma'am.
- Stacy: [softly, almost beneath her breath] Gosh!
- [a longing sigh, then back slaps her husband's chest right over his heart]
- Stacy: You asshole! You don't even open the fricking car door for me anymore.
- Jennifer: [everyone breaks out in laughter] You're in trouble!
- [even more laughter]
- Jennifer: I gotta go tinkle.
- [Henry is pretending to cry to get Lucy's attention]
- Lucy: I wonder what's the matter with him.
- Old Hawaiian Man: Looks like a stupid asshole to me.
- Old Hawaiian Man: [about Henry's drawing on a napkin] Can I have that? I need something to wipe my ass with.
- Henry: Ha ha ha. Shut up!
- Old Hawaiian Man: Are you staring at me or her? 'Cause you're starting to freak me out.
- Henry: Settle down and eat your pancakes, huh.
- Update Video: Red Sox win series!... Just kidding.
- Update Video: Schwarzenegger becomes governor of California!... Not kidding.
- Dr. Keats: And now ladies and gentlemen I would like to introduce you to our most distinguished clinical subject: Tom
- Ten Second Tom: Hi, I'm Tom.
- Henry: Henry.
- Marlin: Marlin.
- Doug: Doug.
- Lucy: Lucy.
- Ten Second Tom: Hi. Oh, those are cool flip flops. Where did you get them?
- Doug: You like those? It's interesting story. I was over on the North Shore the other day...
- Ten Second Tom: Hi, I'm Tom.
- Henry: Henry.
- Ten Second Tom: Hi.
- Marlin: Marlin.
- Dr. Keats: [to Marlin] Sometimes I wish my wife had Goldfield Syndrome. That way she wouldn't remember last night when I called her mother a loud, obnoxious drunk with a face like J. Edgar Hoover's ass.
- Henry: [disgusted] The Beach Boys? How nice of that man to give me a CD that will remind me of all the wonderful times I shared with his daughter. What an asshole!
- Henry: [starts singing off key to "Wouldn't It Be Nice", then breaks out in tears] Why would you do this to me, you sick bastard?
- Henry: [leans against the boat wheel sobbing, then looks back up] Oh my God, is he trying to tell me something?
- Henry: [on First Date #1] You know, why don't you try this? It's a kind of hinge.
- Lucy: Now, why didn't I think of that?
- Henry: You're too close to the object. Don't be too hard on yourself.
- Lucy: You're right. Sometimes you need an outsider's perspective.
- Henry: Fresh eye never hurts.
- Lucy: I'm Lucy.
- Henry: Yes. I'm Henry Roth. Nice to meet you.
- Lucy: Nice to meet you.
- Lucy: I don't know who you are, Henry... but I dream about you almost every night.
- [apprehensive pause]
- Lucy: Why?
- Henry: What would you say if I told you that notebook you read every day used to have a lot of stuff about me in it?
- Lucy: I would say that that makes a lot of sense.
- Henry: You erased me from your memories because you thought you were holding me back from having a full and happy life. But you made a mistake. Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life. You're the girl of my dreams... and apparently, I'm the man of yours.
- Lucy: [barely able to contain herself, she reaches out and shakes his hand] Henry. It's nice to meet you.
- Henry: Lucy, it's nice to meet you too.
- Ten Second Tom: [just as they are about to kiss] Hi, I'm Tom!
- Ten Second Tom: Aren't you a little old to still have wet dreams?
- [memory erases]
- Ten Second Tom: Hi, I'm Tom!
- Henry: Okay, this is her. Start beating me up. Make it look good.
- Ula: Give me your wallet. Okay, haole, what do you think? You can come to this island, eat our pineapple.
- Henry: Help me! Not so hard. Take it easy.
- Ula: Try to bang our women. Making my sister clean your hotel room.
- Henry: Okay. What does that have to do with this? Relax. Hey! Hey! Help me, please!
- Ula: Stupid haole!
- Dr. Keats: Tom lost part of his brain in a hunting accident. His memory only lasts ten seconds.
- Ten Second Tom: I was in an accident? That's terrible.
- Dr. Keats: Don't worry, you're totally gonna get over it in about three seconds.
- Ten Second Tom: Get over it? I mean, what happened? Did I get shot in the brain... Hi. I'm Tom.
- Henry: Actually I'm going on a trip in a little while to study undersea Pacific walrus behaviors.
- Doug: Thounds kind of fruity.
- Henry: Thank you.
- Doug: How long'th it going to take?
- Henry: Uh... about a year.
- Doug: I gueth you won't mith days like thith.
- Henry: Well, maybe days like this don't have to be so bad.
- Marlin: What are you trying to say?
- Henry: Well, when you guys tell her, she's not just finding out about the accident. She's finding out that her life is basically a setup. I think that's what freaks her out the most.
- Doug: Oh, you're an exthpert now?
- Henry: No. I'm just saying I wish there was another way besides: "Sorry we couldn't trick you today. Here's some pictures of your broken head."
- Doug: You wanna broken head, huh thmart guy?
- Marlin: Why? You gonna give it to him?
- Doug: No, Daddy, I thought you wath gonna do it.
- Henry: Nobody's gotta break my head, guys. I'm gonna split anyways.
- Marlin: [glaring at Doug] Don't go just 'cause my thon is thychotic.
- Henry: Good night. Sweet dreams. Keep 'em dry there Doug.
- Doug: Very funny.
- Henry: Pardon me. Sorry to interrupt, but I notice we were both eating alone and I thought perhaps I could sit with you, maybe build a syrup Jacuzzi for your waffle house?
- Lucy: Oh, that would be nice, but I have a boyfriend. I'm sorry.
- Henry: You're making up a boyfriend so you can get rid of me?
- Lucy: No. I'm not.
- Henry: What's his name then?
- Lucy: Ringo.
- Henry: Is his last name, Starr?
- Lucy: No. McCartney.
- Henry: Wait, uh... What is going on? I was kidding around with you! What's happening here? Is she crazy or something?
- Sue: Lucy is a very special person. Very different from other people.
- Henry: Okay.
- Sue: About a year ago, Lucy was in a terrible car accident. She and her father went up North Shore to get a pineapple. Her Father broke some ribs, but Lucy suffered a serious head injury. She lost her short term memory.
- Henry: So she can't remember anything?
- Sue: No, no, no. She has all of her long term memory. That's a different part of the brain. Her whole life, up to the night before the accident, she remembers. She just can't retain any new information. It's like her slate gets wiped clean every night while she sleeps.
- Henry: Hold on, here. This sounds like something I would tell a psycho girl so she would stop calling me. Am I the psycho girl?
- Sue: I wish I was making this up! She has no memory that she ever met you.
- Henry: What about the pineapple thing?
- Sue: She says that every day, because each morning she wakes up thinking it's October thirteenth of last year. She comes here for breakfast because that's what she did on Sundays, and October thirteenth was a Sunday. She has no idea it's more than a year later.
- Henry: She reads the newspaper though.
- Sue: It's a special paper her Father puts on their porch every night. It's from the day of her accident. He got hundreds of them printed up. Lucy does the same thing everyday.
- Patient #1: Do you know who that guy is?
- Patient #2: Dude, I don't even know who I am.
- Nick: [on video] Since you lost your memory, I became governor of Hawaii. No, just kidding. I'm too smart.
- Ula's Kid: Hey, Dad.
- Ula: Not now, Keanu Mokokokakau.
- Ula's Kid: But your stitches are bleeding.
- [while playing golf, Ula has ripped the stitches over a shark bite on his waist]
- Ula: It must have been my huge back swing. You think you can stitch me up tonight after I get back from surfing?
- Henry: Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
- Caddy: I wouldn't surf with a bleeding wound like that. You might attract a shark or something.
- Ula: What's wrong with that, cuz? Sharks are naturally peaceful.
- Caddy: Is that right? How'd you get that nasty cut anyway?
- Ula: A shark bit me.
- Caddy: Nice! Go smoke another one, bro!
- Dr. Keats: Little Sammy Sosa's a bit shook up, but she'll be okay. She's watching the tape as we speak.
- Henry: Good. How's my temporal lobe looking there, Doc?
- Dr. Keats: Don't worry. You're not gonna suffer any short term memory loss. But was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?
- Doug: Hey! Don't make fun of Henry, all right? It'th not hith fault hith head'th thaped like that!
- Dr. Keats: Note the intense overreaciton. That's the 'roids talking.
- Update Video: April: Snoop quits weed.
- Update Video: May: Snoop back on weed.
- Alexa: I am grouchy due to lack of recent physical intimacy.
- Henry: Oooo...
- Alexa: Shut up, because here comes one-time only opportunity. What I will do now is go into your office and become naked.
- [Jocko the seal gives a disgusted growl]
- Alexa: Next move is up to you. I may not be as limber as I once was... but yeah, I make up for it with enthusiasm and willingness to experiment.
- [Snaps her neck]
- Henry: I don't know if you realize, I'm not into guys.
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