[after Sofi puts a pan and bacon on Calcifer]
Calcifer: Here's another curse for you - may all your bacon burn.
[Howl comes running out of the bathroom, screaming. His hair is now orange]
Howl: Sophie! You, you sabotaged me! Look! Look at what you've done to my hair! Look!
Old Sophie: What a pretty color.
Howl: It's hideous! You completely ruined my magic potions in the bathroom!
Old Sophie: I just organized things, Howl. Nothing's ruined.
Howl: Wrong! Wrong! I specifically ordered you not to get carried away!
Howl: Now I'm repulsive.
[slumps into a chair]
Howl: I can't live like this.
[starts sobbing, head in hands]
Old Sophie: Come on, it's not that bad.
[Howl's hair changes color to purple, then black]
Old Sophie: You should look at it now, its shade is even better.
Howl: [inconsolable] I give up. I see not point in living if I can't be beautiful.
Howl: I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't torment my friend.
Howl: This war is terrible, they bomb from the southern coast to the northern border. It's all in flames now.
Calcifer: I can't stand the fire and gunpowder. Those dopey guys have absolutely no manners.
Howl: My own kind attacked me today.
Calcifer: Who? The Witch of the Wastes?
Howl: No, some hack wizards who turned themselves into monsters for the king.
Calcifer: Those wizards are going to regret doing that. They'll never change back into humans.
Howl: After the war, they won't recall they ever were human.
Howl: You're wearing that hat? After all the magic I used to make your dress pretty?
Old Sophie: It was a pleasure meeting you, even if you are my least favorite vegetable! Take care, Turniphead!
[walks up to the scarecrow]
Howl: Looks like we have another addition to the family. Hmmm, you've got quite a nasty spell on you too, huh? Seems everyone in this family's got problems.
Witch of the Waste: It looks like your true love is in love with someone else!
Old Sophie: When you're old, all you want to do is stare at the scenery. It's so strange. I've never felt so peaceful before.
Old Sophie: Why do you get so cold when you're old? I'm fatter than ever and yet the wind blows right through me!
Old Sophie: What a dump. When I think of castles, it's not what I picture.
Markl: [Shadows begin to creep from walls] He's calling the spirits of darkness... I saw him do this once before when a girl dumped him!
Howl: So, what do you have in your pocket, Sophie?
Old Sophie: Huh?
[Finds a folded piece of paper]
Old Sophie: What is this?
Howl: Give it to me.
[paper burns leaving marks on the table]
Markl: Scorch marks! Howl, can you read them?
Howl: That is ancient sorcery and quite powerful too.
Markl: Is it from the Witch of the Waste?
Howl: "You who swallowed a falling star, o' heartless man, your heart shall soon be mine." That can't be good for the table.
[covers the marks with his hand]
Markl: Wow! It's gone!
Howl: The mark maybe gone but the spell is still there.
Calcifer: You shouldn't keep flying around like that. Soon you won't be able to turn back into a human.
Young Sophie: It's all so familiar yet I know I've never been here before. I feel so at home.
Howl: Don't be alarmed but I'm being followed. Act normal.
Young Sophie: I know where I am! I'm in Howl's childhood!
Howl: [Howl catches one of the falling stars, talks to it, then puts it in his mouth and swallows. He bends over, as if in pain, and then draws Calcifer out of his chest]
Young Sophie: Howl! Calcier! I know how to help you now! Find me in the future!
Howl: See that new color on the dial? There's a new portal. It's a present for you. Come see.
Letti: Wow! He must have been a wizard then.
Young Sophie: But he was so kind to me. He rescued me, Letti.
Letti: Of course he did, he was trying to steal your heart. You were so lucky Sophie, if that wizard were Howl, he would have eaten it.
Young Sophie: No he wouldn't, Howl only does that to beautiful girls.
[puts a ring on Sophie's finger]
Howl: This charm will guarantee your safe return. Don't worry, I'll follow behind you in disguise. Now off you go.
Honey: You sound ghastly, like some 90-year-old woman.
Witch of the Waste: Oh, what a pretty fire.
Howl: Sorry, it looks like you're involved.
Witch of the Waste: The best part of that spell, is that you can't tell anyone about it. My regards to Howl.
Markl: Move it, Grandma! Or you'll lose your nose!
Witch of the Waste: What a tacky little hat shop. I've never seen such tacky little hats. Yet you are by far the tackiest thing here.
Madam Suliman: It's time to put an end to this idiotic war.
[to the Witch of the Wastes]
Howl: Tell me, was that cigar a gift from Madame Suliman, by any chance?
Young Sophie: [encounters a wounded Howl in his giant bird form sitting in the junkyard] Howl!
[uncovers his feathers to find his human face underneath dripping with blood]
Young Sophie: I'm sorry did I come too late?, I didn't mean to make you wait this long
Young Sophie: I need you to take me to Calcifer if you can
[Howl gets up and flies off with her and the Queen's dog]
Young Sophie: [Approaches The Witch Of The Waste while she tries to hide Howl's heart from her] Howl needs that back now
Witch of the Waste: Don't look at me, I don't have it, I don't know what you're talking about
Young Sophie: [hugs her] Please give it back
Witch of the Waste: You really want it that badly?
Young Sophie: [on the verge of crying] Yes
Witch of the Waste: Alright then, you'd better take good care of it
Young Sophie: Okay
Witch of the Waste: [hands her Howl's heart] Here dear
Young Sophie: Thank you you have a big heart!
Howl: Those things are Suliman's henchmen. Lets go! Faster! We need to take off!
Markl: [reading the newspaper] But the newspaper says we won
Witch of the Waste: [while smoking a cigar] Only idiots believe what they read in the paper
Old Sophie: That's so strange I can't get Calcifer going!
[to the Witch of the Waste]
Old Sophie: Do you have to keep smoking that it smells terrible!
Witch of the Waste: Don't deny an old witch her pleasures young lady
Old Sophie: Markl will you crack a window please?
Witch of the Waste: [continues smoking] I wouldn't open that window if I were you dear, Calcifer's too weak right now to protect this place, Suliman's henchmen could get in.
Howl: I can give you five minutes of invisibility so use it wisely.