Waiting... (I) (2005)

Justin Long: Dean

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dean : Excuse me, sir. You forgot your change.

  Redneck : No, that's for you, that's your tip.

  Dean : Oh, no, no, no, I insist. You take it. You obviously need this more than I do.

• Dean : She really is a little bad-ass though, and fun to hang out with. Laid back. Maintenance fees are really low. I like that.

  Monty : Yeah, she's a cool chick, I'd do her. Hell, I'd probably even pay.

  [chuckles in disbelief then pauses] 

  Monty : I would.

• Dean : [to Monty, regarding Calvin]  No, wait a minute. You have to *get* the pussy before you can be whipped by it.

• Dean : What the hell can you do with an A. A. degree anyway?

  Monty : You can get a job substituting retarded kids or something.

• Monty : So are you going to talk to her or are you just gonna hope you're never forced to make an actual decision?

  Dean : I'm going with option B.

  Monty : That's my boy.

• Dean : Too late, you're fucked!

• Monty : So, what do you think of Natasha?

  Dean : I think she's illegal.

  Monty : Yeah, I've made peace with that. Seriously, look at her. You know she has that Scooby-Doo tongue.

  Dean : [imitating Scooby-Doo]  Ratutory rape.

• Dean : [meeting new trainee Mitch]  Listen, man. You got nothing to worry about.

  [pats Mitch on shoulder] 

  Dean : It's just a game.

  Monty : Exactly.

  Dean : And besides, you know, if heterosexual men can't show their cocks to each other, then what the hell are we doing here?

  Monty : Amen, brother.

  Dean : [tweaking Mitch's nipple]  You're adorable.

• Dean : Calvin, what happens with every girl you're interested in?

  Monty : Nothing!

  Dean : You take 'em out, you pay for everything, and you never make a move!

  Monty : And then you go home, alone, to masturbate while you cry, using your own tears as lube...

  [cut off] 

  Calvin : Ok, that was once, and I was drunk, and *it was Valentine's Day*. So back off.

• Dean : Here we are.

  Redneck : Damn, what the hell took so long?

  Dean : Sir, you ordered two well done steaks. They take awhile to cook.

  Redneck : Yeah, well, can you bring me some ketchup. Mmm. Mmm. Nothin' sets off the flavor of a steak like some ketchup.

• Dean : Hey, Floyd, make sure there's no bacon on the chef salad. It's against their religion.

  Floyd : Yes Masta. Right away, Masta. Ain't gon' be no, no bacon on the salad Masta.

  [while getting whipped with a towel] 

  Floyd : NO! AH! NO!

  Floyd : [singing]  Mm-hmm-hmm, no bacon on the salad!

• Dean : How many times can we have the exact same conversation?

  Monty : It's like we're stuck in a fucking time paradox where neither our wisdom nor your virginity will ever escape.

• Dean : Hey Floyd, no bacon on that salad.

  Floyd : [Looks at Dean and speaks with a southern twang]  Yes massa, ain't gon' be no bacon on the salad

  [Cook starts whipping Floyd with a towel while Floyd starts singing devotional-style] 

  Floyd : Oh lord, no bacon... No bacon the salad...

• Dan : Now I'm not gonna lie to you. The job comes with more responsibility, but it offers a lot more rewards.

  Dan : You get full medical, dental,two-weeks' paid vacation, and I might add a hefty pay increase. I do pretty well.

  Dean : Cool.

  Dan : It is cool. And let's not forget the power.

  Dean : Right.

  Dan : Control. You tell people to do things, and they have to do it, or they get in trouble.

  Dan : I mean, you're in the driver's seat here. Your finger's on the button. - Think about it.

• Natasha : Dean.

  Dean : What?

  Natasha : The old lady at Table 37 wants you to sing the birthday song for her grandson. His name is Timmy, and he's eight years old.

  Dean : [tosses a cake with Happy Birthday onto the counter from the box]  I need birthday singers!

  Monty : Come on, people! We need birthday singers!

  Naomi : Fuck.

  Dean : [the gang walk toward Table 37, clapping and cheering. Dean holds out the cake and brings it to the table, spotting Timmy]  There he is. There's the big winner.

  [sets the cake onto the table where Timmy is] 

  Monty : [excitedly]  Yeah!

  Dean : All right. Attention, guests! Today's a very special occasion. It's Timmy's eighth birthday! Big round of applause.

  [the guests cheer and applaud] 

  Dean : He's earned it. He's got his whole life ahead of him. The sky's the limit.

  Dean : [singing]  I don't know but I've been told.

  Monty , Amy , Naomi , Serena , Calvin : [singing]  Someone here is getting old!

  Dean : [singing, Timmy looks frightened]  Good news is dessert is free.

  Monty , Amy , Naomi , Serena , Calvin : [singing]  Bad news is we sing off-key!

  Dean : [singing]  Happy birthday...

  Dean , Monty , Amy , Naomi , Serena , Calvin : [point to Timmy, in unison]  TO YOU!

  [Timmy starts crying in embarrassment, the waiters applaud and cheer. One of them holds up Timmy's arm and waves it in the air] 

  Natasha : Look at the camera!

  [holding a camera] 

  Dean : Picture time.

  [the camera snaps and we're revealed the photograph of all the waiters and Timmy posed for the picture, Timmy still cries in the background as this happens] 

  Dean : All right. All right. Cry it off.