Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)

Angelina Jolie: Jane Smith

Photos 

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Quotes 

• John Smith : [while driving, pursued by hit men in three black BMW'S]  I never told you, but I was married once before.

  Jane Smith : [slams on the brakes] 

  John Smith : What's wrong with you?

  Jane Smith : [slapping John's arms and legs]  You're what's wrong with me John.

  John Smith : It was just a drunken Vegas thing.

  Jane Smith : Oh, that's better. That's *much* better.

  [pause] 

  Jane Smith : What's her name and social security number?

  John Smith : No, you're not gonna kill her.

• [about the new curtains Jane bought] 

  Jane Smith : If you don't like them we can take them back.

  John Smith : All right, I don't like them.

  Jane Smith : [pause]  You'll get used to them.

• Jane Smith : [after shooting three shots through a wall at John]  Still alive, baby?

• [last lines] 

  John Smith : [at marriage counseling]  Ask us the sex question.

  Jane Smith : [whispers]  John.

  John Smith : [excitingly, stretches out all ten fingers]  Ten.

• Jane Smith : Any last words?

  John Smith : The new curtains are hideous.

• Jane Smith : [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home]  Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet.

• John Smith : [takes her hand and starts walking towards the dance floor in a fancy restaurant]  Dance with me.

  Jane Smith : You don't dance.

  John Smith : It was just my cover, sweetheart.

  Jane Smith : Was sloth your cover, too?

• Jane Smith : [after John hands her a small revolver]  Wait, why do I get the girl gun?

  John Smith : Are you kidding me?

• Jane Smith : [driving a stolen minivan]  My parents died when I was five. I'm an orphan.

  John Smith : Who was that kind fellow who gave you away at our wedding?

  Jane Smith : Paid actor.

  John Smith : I said, I said I saw your dad on "Fantasy Island"!

• John Smith : [after throwing her across the dining room table and onto the floor, standing up behind her, welcoming her by gesturing with his fingers]  Come to Daddy.

  Jane Smith : [she stands up bashes him with a teapot wrapped in a white cloth and headbutts him]  Who's your Daddy now?

• [John has just returned from shooting Lucky at the bar] 

  Jane Smith : Hey baby. I didn't hear you downstairs.

  John Smith : I went down to the sports bar. Put a little money on the game.

  Jane Smith : How'd you do?

  John Smith : I got "Lucky".

• John Smith : How many? Ok... I'll go first, then. I don't keep exact count, but I'd say, uh, high 50s, low 60s. I mean, I know I've been around the block an all, but...

  Jane Smith : 312.

  John Smith : What? How?

  Jane Smith : Some were two at a time.

• Jane Smith : [lying down in the hallway of their home]  That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?

  John Smith : Jean-Luc Gespar.

  Jane Smith : Damn, I wanted him.

  John Smith : I got it.

• Jane Smith : [referring to the hit men in three black BMW'S pursuing them]  They're bulletproof!

  John Smith : [having not heard the hit men in three black BMW'S pursuing them and shot three times at the three black BMW'S chasing them]  They're bulletproof!

• John Smith : Careful, Jane. I can push the button any time I like.

  Jane Smith : Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map.

• Jane Smith : There's this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we *don't* say to each other. What's that called?

  Marriage Counselor : Marriage.

• Jane Smith : [over a speakerphone]  I thought I told you not to bother me at the office, honey.

  John Smith : [over the Bluetooth headset phone]  Well, you are still Mrs. Smith.

  Jane Smith : [over a speakerphone]  Well, so are a lot of girls.

• Eddie : [sitting in front of John in a diner]  Tell me you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch.

  Jane Smith : [turns around her chair at the bar]  This lying bitch?

  Eddie : Guess that was just wishful thinking.

• John Smith : [after Jane escapes on a high wire, stand the ledge of the ledge of the floor in her building]  Chicken shit!

  Jane Smith : [shouting from a broken window]  Pussy!

• John Smith : [over the Bluetooth headset phone, trying to beat Jane home]  That's the second time you've tried to kill me today.

  Jane Smith : [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home]  Oh, come on, it was just a little bomb.

• John Smith : Hiya, stranger.

  Jane Smith : Hiya back.

• John Smith : I never went to MIT. Notre Dame. Art history major.

  Jane Smith : Art?

  John Smith : History! It's reputable.

• [both have discovered that they were on the desert and one tried to kill the other] 

  John Smith : I missed you.

  Jane Smith : I missed you too.

• Jane Smith : [over a speakerphone]  you really expect me to roll over and play dead?

  John Smith : [over the Bluetooth headset phone]  Well, you should be used to it after five years of marriage.

  Jane Smith : Six... and I'm not leaving.

• John Smith : [while dancing, after Jane asked what had happened to their marriage]  I have a theory, newly developed.

  Jane Smith : I'm breathless to hear it.

  John Smith : I think you killed us.

  Jane Smith : Provocative.

  John Smith : Why do you care? I was just a cover

  Jane Smith : Who says you were just a cover?

  John Smith : [pauses]  Wasn't I?

• John Smith : I realise you witnessed the Mrs. and I working through a few domestic issues. That's regrettable but don't take that to be a sign of weakness, that would be a mistake on your part.

  [Jane is drumming her fingers impatiently] 

  John Smith : Honey!

  Jane Smith : Wrap it up.

  John Smith : Maybe it's not such a good idea to undermine me in front of the hostage - sends a mixed message.

  Jane Smith : Sorry.

  John Smith : Girls. Where was I?

  Benjamin : Mistake on your part.

  John Smith : Shut up.

• John Smith : [over the Bluetooth headset phone]  The first time we met, what was your first thought?

  Jane Smith : [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home]  You tell me.

  John Smith : I thought... I thought you looked like Christmas morning, I don't know how else to say it.

  Jane Smith : [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home]  And why are you telling me this now?

  John Smith : I guess in the end you start thinking about the beginning... so there it is, I thought you should know.

• Jane Smith : [dancing with John, he's just finished searching her for weapons]  Satisfied?

  John Smith : Not for years.

• Marriage Counselor : [during a marriage counseling session]  On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the happiness of your marriage?

  Jane Smith : 8

  John Smith : Wait Could you clarify? Is 10 the highest? 10 being perfectly happy and 1 being totally miserable or...

  Marriage Counselor : Just respond instinctively.

  John Smith : Ok. Ready?

  Jane Smith , John Smith : 8.

• Jane Smith : [during a marriage counseling session with John present]  We re-did the house.

• [first lines] 

  John Smith : [at the marriage counselor's]  OK, I'll go first. Um... Let me say, uh, we don't really need to be here. See, we've been married for five years.

  Jane Smith : Six.

  John Smith : [chastened]  Five, six years.

• Jane Smith : I told you to wait for my signal, you didn't wait for my signal.

  John Smith : Well, I improvised.

  Jane Smith : You deviated from the plan.

  John Smith : The plan was flawed.

  Jane Smith : The plan was not flawed.

  John Smith : Anal.

  Jane Smith : *Organized.*

  John Smith : Jane, 90% of this job is instinct.

  Jane Smith : Well, your instinct set off *every* alarm in the building!

  John Smith : My instinct got the job done. It may not have been the Jane show...

  Jane Smith : No, it was the John show: it was half-assed. Like Christmas, like our anniversary, like the time you forgot to bring my mother's birthday present.

  John Smith : Your *fake* mother's birthday present.

  Jane Smith : The point is, you are *always* the first to break team.

  John Smith : You don't want a team, you want a servant for hire.

  Jane Smith : I want someone I can count on.

  John Smith : [sigh]  Jane, there's no *air* around you anymore.

  Jane Smith : [irritated]  Oh. OK, what is that supposed to mean?

  John Smith : That means there's no room for mistakes, no mistakes whatsoever. No spontaneity. Who can answer to that?

  Jane Smith : Well, you don't have to. Because this isn't even a real marriage.

  [brooding silence] 

  Benjamin : [locked up in the back of the van, in a bewildered voice]  *Who are you people?*

  Jane Smith : [yelling]  Shut up!

• Girls walking by House : What's going on, Mrs. Smith?

  Jane Smith : Garden party, girls.

• John Smith : Did you hear the helicopter dropping me off that night for our anniversary dinner?

  Jane Smith : No. Oh, percussion grenades. I was partially deaf that evening.

• John Smith : [talking about their predicament, at their dinner table in a fancy restaurant]  So what do we do, Jane? Shoot it out here? Hope for the best?

  Jane Smith : Well, that would be a shame because they would probably ask me to leave once you are dead.

• John Smith : That left of yours is a thing of beauty.

  Jane Smith : Mmm. You take it well.

• Jane Smith : [lying down in the hallway of their home]  You ever have trouble sleeping after?

  John Smith : [leaning on the wall next to her]  No.

  Jane Smith : Me neither.

• Jane Smith : [comparing injuries with John, lying down on the hallway of their home]  I can't feel anything in these three fingers.

• Marriage Counselor : [during a therapy session with John present]  How often do you have sex?

  Jane Smith : I don't understand the question.

• Jane Smith : [before she breaks Marco Racin's neck]  Have you been selling big guns to bad people?

• Jane Smith : You were bait.

  Benjamin : In a manner of speaking.

  Jane Smith : *Were* bait or *are* bait?

• Jane Smith : I was never in the peace corps.

• Jasmine : What? Your husband is the shooter? That's impossible.

  Jane Smith : Really?

• Jane Smith : [toasting with John in Columbia]  To dodging bullets.

• Jane Smith : [hiding with John in a display shed in a Cost Mart store]  There's nowhere I'd rather be than here with you.

• John Smith : [both pointing guns at each other; John drops his shotgun]  I ca... I can't do it.

  Jane Smith : [angrily, insistently]  Don't! Come on! Come on!

  John Smith : You want it? It's yours.