Ron Howard credited as playing...
Narrator • Ron Howard • Self
- Narrator: Tobias listens to a day's worth of his own words, to see what Michael was referring to...
- Tobias Fünke: [on tape] ... even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up.
- Tobias Fünke: Nothing wrong with that.
- Tobias Fünke: [on tape] Oh, I've been in the film business for a while, but I just can't seem to get one in the can.
- Tobias Fünke: It's out of context.
- Tobias Fünke: [on tape] I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks.
- Narrator: ...and he realized there is something distinct about the way he speaks.
- Tobias Fünke: Tobias, you blowhard.
- [chuckles]
- Rita: And they think the stupidest things are funny.
- Michael Bluth: Yeah, that's a cultural problem is what it is. You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development.
- Narrator: Hey. That's the name of the show.
- Michael: You know, GOB, you might want to start acting like the President. You're beginning to alienate some of the employees.
- Gob: Yeah, like the CEO has to worry about alienating the employees.
- Narrator: In fact, GOB *had* started to alienate some of the employees.
- Gob: [in the break room] The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. Come on.
- [in the elevator]
- Gob: Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on.
- [in the bathroom]
- Gob: Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit. Come on.
- Narrator: In an effort to "hip" up his act, Gob had briefly introduced a puppet.
- [Gob is acting as a black puppet named Franklin in front of the family]
- Gob: [as Franklin] Can I tell you something, my man?
- Gob: [as himself] Sure, Franklin.
- Gob: [as Franklin] You are one cool
- [bleep]
- Gob: . Speaking of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar.
- [the puppet 'kisses' Lucille]
- George Sr.: Get off my wife, you bastard.
- [strangles Franklin]
- Gob: [as Franklin] What's the matter with you?
- Gob: [in the present] Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear.
- Michael: Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?
- Gob: He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either.
- Narrator: For the first time, Lucille prays...
- Lucille: [Praying] Take something else from us. Do whatever you have to to keep my boy from going to war.
- Narrator: And Buster is on his way when he decides to pursue a long-delayed rite of passage...
- [Buster swims in the ocean]
- Person: Loose seal. Watch out for loose seal.
- Buster: [Thinking he means Lucille] I don't care about Lucille. She lies.
- Narrator: ...and then a seal bites off his hand.
- Lucille: Amen.
- George Sr.: What is this is they have on me? You keep talking about a fact. You keep saying "I know for a fact." What fact?
- Cindi Lightballoon: Faith. I have faith my prayers will free you.
- George Sr.: Faith is not a fact.
- Cindi Lightballoon: Oh, yes it is. You said so yourself in Caged Wisdom.
- Narrator: George, Sr. had said faith is a fact. Unfortunately, it was in the Caged Wisdom blooper bonus footage.
- George Sr.: Faith is a fact. No, faith is a facet. I almost said faith is a fact.
- George Sr.: [in the present] I am going to trial because you don't understand what a blooper reel is?
- [the Bluths have hired Andy Griffith to sit in on George Sr's hearing]
- Lindsay Funke: Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn't like his trailer.
- [the camera pans over to reveal the log cabin truck]
- Lindsay Funke: He thought we were making fun of him.
- Narrator: They were not making fun of Andy Griffith. This cannot be stressed enough.
- Narrator: While on the set of Wrench, Tobias had snuck into the costume closet and disguised himself as an English nanny in an attempt to see his daughter and prove to his wife he had what it took to become a successful actor. It was the exact same plot as Mrs. Doubtfire...
- Tobias Fünke: [after Lindsay answers the door] Why, hellooo. My name is Mrs. Phlyddia Featherbottom, the agency sent me over.
- Lindsay Funke: Uh... I didn't contact any agency.
- Tobias Fünke: But I can cook and clean and even take care of the little ones. In fact, if it comes in handy... I can sing a song or two...
- Narrator: And maybe a little Mary Poppins to throw in the mix...
- Tobias Fünke: A squirt of frosting down the throat helps to take your medication / In the most delicious way...
- Narrator: Gob was recently hired by the Bluth Company's rival, Sitwell Enterprises. And although he started off well...
- Gob: 52% of the country is single. That's a market that's been dominated by apartment rentals. Let's take some of that market. I call it "Single City."
- Narrator: ...his ideas failed to evolve.
- Gob: It's, like, "Hey, you want to go down to the whirlpool?" "Yeah, I don't have a husband." I call it "Swing City."
- Stan Sitwell: Let's get into some new areas, if you don't mind.
- Narrator: But Gob continued to fine-tune his first one.
- Gob: How do we filter out the teases? We don't let them in.
- Gob: This goes for the guys, too. Because sometimes the guys are tapped out. But check your lease, man. Because you're living in
- [bleep]
- Gob: City.
- Stan Sitwell: You're fired.
- Tobias Fünke: So fill each one of these bags with some glitter, my photo resume, some candy, and a note.
- Mae 'Maebe' Funke: [reading one of the notes] "I know where you live, ha, ha." Casting directors hate this.
- Narrator: They really do.
- Casting Director: [shows a casting director's office] The glitteratti has struck again.
- [reading the resume]
- Casting Director: Never hire Tobias Funke.
- Carl Weathers: [about Burger King] I'm going to go get a drink refill. You know you can get unlimited refills on any drink you want... and it's free?
- Tobias Fünke: It's a wonderful restaurant.
- Narrator: It sure is.
- Michael: [at Gob's magic show at the Gothic Castle] Where's Tobias?
- Narrator: [voiceover] Tobias had intended to come to the magic show, but had a slight miscommunication with his cab driver.
- Tobias Fünke: [Tobias is wearing a leather outfit he bought to impress Maebe] I would like to go to the Gothic Castle.
- Cab Driver: Gothic asshole?
- Tobias Fünke: Yes.
- [at the wrong Gothic Castle, Tobias sees two people walking out]
- Tobias Fünke: Boy, I am glad I didn't go with that outfit.
- [to the bouncer]
- Tobias Fünke: I am here to see the magic.
- Michael: My mom is very stressed out, and she needs something I can't give her, um... maybe a little "afternoon delight".
- Narrator: Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannabis named Afternoon Deelite, a strain famous for slowing behavior.
- Oscar: Well sure, my question is, which way do I try to get it in her?
- Michael: I don't need any details.
- Oscar: Maybe I'll put it in her brownie
- Michael: Hey.
- Narrator: George Michael did not just get to second base with Maeby, he dove in head first. Like Pete Rose.
- George Michael Bluth: [George Michael is in love with his ethics teacher] I don't want to let down Miss Baerly. She's nice, you know?
- Lindsay Funke: She's interesting... and pretty?
- George Michael Bluth: Well, I don't know why I'm telling you this. I guess there's just some things you can't always say to your dad.
- Lindsay Funke: Ah. sounds like you'd like her to be more than just your teacher.
- Narrator: Lindsay believed that George Michael wanted to fix up his father so he could fill the role of his mother.
- Lindsay Funke: There's nothing wrong with that. Although... I must say I'm a little hurt that you haven't considered me.
- George Michael Bluth: You're my aunt.
- Lindsay Funke: That doesn't matter. Aunts can fill that role. Teachers can fill that role. And, someday, you're going to find the right woman to fill that role. But until then... I'll be right across the hall.
- Narrator: Lindsay had never been more proud of anything she had said in her entire life.
- George Michael Bluth: Yikes.
- Narrator: After being arrested, George Sr. found a loophole in the Mexican judicial system...
- George Sr.: [holds up wad of cash] I have...
- [clears throat]
- George Sr.: ... I have money
- Narrator: Michael was having brunch with Sally Sitwell at a restaurant called Skip Church's Bistro. In addition to brunch, the restaurant was known for an item on the menu called the "Skip's Scramble", an omelet that contained everything on the menu. Do not order the Skip's Scramble.