Eddie Griffin: T.J. Hicks
Photos
Quotes
-
T.J. Hicks : Did you know Holland invented chicken and waffles?
Deuce Bigalow : Really?
T.J. Hicks : Before that you could get chicken or waffles, but they were the first to put them together! Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that.
Deuce Bigalow : You know the Dutch started the slave trade.
T.J. Hicks : THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS!
-
Deuce Bigalow : T.J., I'm so glad you are here.
T.J. Hicks : How did you find me?
Deuce Bigalow : Well, this seemed like the only chicken and waffles place in all of Holland.
T.J. Hicks : Ohhh, so the black guy has to go to a chicken and waffles place, that's Racist!
Deuce Bigalow : But you're here.
T.J. Hicks : Yeah, but figuring it out was racist.
Deuce Bigalow : [noticing all the black people] This is a nice place.
-
T.J. Hicks : I ain't gay! I was just looking down his pants 'cause i heard his shlong was so big, and juicy! No wait! That didn't sound right!
-
T.J. Hicks : Can't a brother put his hand down another man's pants without setting off the faggot alarm?
-
Deuce Bigalow : We're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone.
T.J. Hicks : I don't give a damn about that. It's the "extremely gay" part that's bothering me. I mean, if I'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. But a gay pimp? Like, where am I going? Vermont?
-
T.J. Hicks : [after Deuce is biting T.J.'s nipple while high on space cake] Get off my tittie, you doped up cracker!
-
T.J. Hicks : You like them big hairy balls dont ya?
T.J. Hicks : Ah you pussy get off of me, get off of me!
-
T.J. Hicks : That is Assapopoulos, he can kiss people with his butt whole
Deuce Bigalow : I don't ever wanna see that.
-
Deuce Bigalow : Why aren't You in disguise?
T.J. Hicks : I'm in disguise! ..I'm in blackface!
T.J. Hicks : ...But You're black.
T.J. Hicks : Yeah, well, I'm disguised as a different black guy.
Deuce Bigalow : [Still recognizes Him completely] But You look the same..
T.J. Hicks : [Alarmed] Oh, You tryin' to say we all look alike?
Deuce Bigalow : No, that's not it!
T.J. Hicks : You're such a racist, man, I got a good mind not to let You help prove I'm innocent!
-
T.J. Hicks : What is that? That is not a dick in my hand.
[as He is being escorted into a car by the Police]
T.J. Hicks : Anybody got some antibacterial gel? I got burnt dick on my hand.
-
T.J. Hicks : We'll find the killer using your twat-sicle.
-
Deuce Bigalow : [T.J. just came out of Jail] Hey, did anyone hurt you in there?
T.J. Hicks : Oh, you're asking if I got ass-punked, is what's goin on here?
Deuce Bigalow : ...Not if you don't want to talk about it.
T.J. Hicks : Well, you see, it turns out that I'm not really... that attractive.
Deuce Bigalow : Well, you've been cleared of murder, but people still think you're gay.
T.J. Hicks : Hey, don't tell nobody I'm not gay, I mean, just think of it; T.J.; the Gay mans Pimp! Man, I'm the corner Market man, check out my new bitches.
[a bunch of gay people stare, and wave at T.J]
Deuce Bigalow : O.k. then, lets go grab some chicken, and Waffles, my treat.
T.J. Hicks : [Offended] Hey, You sayin' the first thing a Brother wants when He get's out of jail is..
[to the gay clients]
T.J. Hicks : HEY, get yo she-cocks back to work!
-
T.J. Hicks : [T.J. is in Jail, and is testing all the male inmates] Let Me give You the low-down on T.J., now, back in Thailand, I was a sideshow host at a Carnival, did an act to where I was eating broken glass, and we did at least 6 shows a day, now THAT'S a lot of broken glass! ..and it's all collected in the lining of My anus...
[the Prisoners seem unmoved by his story]
T.J. Hicks : My ass is like one damned cheese grater!
[the Camera cuts to all the inmates staring at T.J. as if uninterested]
-
T.J. Hicks : This guy, here? Baron Von Doggy Style. Led a pimping expedition to the Arctic Circle. Froze to death sixty-nining a moose. The only thing left of him
[takes the statue's stick]
T.J. Hicks : is this stick...
[T.J. shows Deuce the stick]
T.J. Hicks : ...which he used to bitch-slap Eskimos.
