Pete: [singing to the tune of "In the Hall of the Mountain King] I was born to cheat and lie/I'm a mean, rotten guy/ when you ask me, why I'm nasty, here's my reason why/At that stork delivery, mommy screamed: "Woo is me/Such a dork, hey Mister Stork, behold my misery/Pete is ghastly, Pete's a blob, Pete's a nasty, naughty slob"/Can in it sister, I'm the mister who will get the job/So I'm nasty, I'm no good, I'll be king, knock on wood/I'll impress you though I'm just a common lowly hood/ If you can't be loved, be feared/Don't get shoved, chickensh /Be the king, pull the string or else you might be speared/I'm so happy I could dance/Seek my chance, I'll advance/Come and cheer me, love and fear me/Pete's king of France.

Pete: Evening trusted Lieutenant. Watch out for the bricks.

Clarabelle: What?

[get's hitten by bricks]

Pete: Come and cheer me, love and fear me/Pete's king of France!

[speaking]

Pete: Why'd the music stop?

Minnie: Ah... Mickey and Minnie Mouse. Oh! Look Daisy! Mickey and I have the same last name! Ah...

Daisy: Well, It must be destiny. Good thing destiny doesn't control my love life.

Minnie: Well, what'd you mean?

Daisy: Well look at me. If it did, I'd get stuck with mister...

[imitating Donald, both laughing]

Minnie: Just imagine. He'll stride into the room. Light will glow from him. I'll hear music. He'll bring me flowers.

[Flowers magically transformed into butterflies]

Minnie: And he'll sweep me off my feet. And I'll know he's the one, when he makes me laugh.

Daisy: You're majesty.

[pops on Mickey's body]

Daisy: It's time to cut the cheese.

[Record needle scratches]

Minnie: What? What?

Daisy: Here we are. Roquefort anyone?

[Knife shines]

Goofy: Knife!

Donald Duck: Bad guy!

Mickey Mouse: Grab her!

Daisy: Oh no.

[Mickey, Donald and Goofy accidently attacked on her]

Daisy: [during the attack] Ahh! Help! Ahh!

Minnie: Oh! Unhand her! Release her! Stop it!

[the fighting stops]

Minnie: Drop her!

[Mickey, Donald and Goofy dropped Daisy]

Minnie: She is my lady in waiting!

Mickey Mouse: Together we'll save the princess, or die trying.

[he and Goofy run off; Donald stays behind]

Donald Duck: Die?

[Mickey and Goofy return and drag Donald away]

Donald Duck: Die?

Pete: [quoting the _"Mickey Mouse Club"_ theme as he throws Mickey into a cage] Hey, there! Hi, there! Ho, there! You're as welcome as can be!

Minnie: Isn't it romantic, Daisy? Being protected by three dashing musketeers, and the little one is so handsome.

Daisy: Yeah, he is kinda cute, you know. But you're forgetting something. They're musketeers. Commoners. Non-college bound. You know what that means.

Minnie: Our love is, forbidden?

Daisy: Bingo.

Minnie: A forbidden love. How romantic.

Mickey Mouse: All for one...

Goofy: And two for tea!

Mickey Mouse: En garde!

The Beagle Boys: "En garde"? French words make me mad!

Pete: I didn't say drop a safe on her, you dolt! I said keep her safe!

The Beagle Boys: Well, that's good, 'cause we missed her.

Mickey Mouse: Donald, are you nuts? What's going on here?

Donald Duck: Pete is gonna kidnap Princess Minnie, so he can become king, and he's really a bad guy, and he has a secret lair and it's really dark and scary. So the point is, he's gonna kill us if we get in his way, so we should run now as far away as we can!

[Pluto's tail falls out]

Mickey Mouse: Donald, I can't understand a word you'd said.

Donald Duck: No!

Mickey Mouse: [after being carried by Donald] Hey! Hey! Put me down!

Donald Duck: Captain Pete is the bad guy!

Mickey Mouse: [copies Donald's line] Captain Pete is the bad guy?

[Mickey is let go, cut to Donald]

Donald Duck: Huh? What?

Mickey Mouse: Pete's trying to kidnap the princess?

Donald Duck: Exactly.

Mickey Mouse: But, he made us musketeers.

Donald Duck: It was all a lie.

Mickey Mouse: Lie? Well, lie or no lie. Musketeers don't run from danger, and as long as we wear these uniforms, neither do we?

Donald Duck: You said it!

[Rips uniform off]

Donald Duck: It's every duck for himself!

Mickey Mouse: Donald, wait! Together, we can stop Captain Pete. Remember how we rescued the princess?

Donald Duck: [sadly] I, uh, um... I was hiding.

Mickey Mouse: Hiding? Well, tonight you came back to warn us, and that took courage Donald.

[Donald looks at him sadly]

Mickey Mouse: Come on, I'll be right beside you, because we're friends.

[Both look at each other]

Donald Duck: [sadly] I just can't. I'm sorry.

[Runs away]

Mickey Mouse: Donald!

[run continues]

Mickey Mouse: Donald.

[Pluto whines]

Pete: I did it, Mommy! I'm king of all France! I feel like eating a snail.

Pete: It's all over, Mickey, and you're all alone. And now with you out of the picture, getting rid of the princess will be easy as pie.

[Goofy and Donald appear behind Pete]

Mickey Mouse: Wanna bet?

Pete: That's a sucker bet.

Donald Duck: [hits Pete over the head] Yeah! You're the sucker!

The Troubadour: [sung to Beethoven's Fifth Symphony] This is the end! / This is the end! / That Donald Duck has left for Mickey Mouse to drown.

Chorus: He let him drown!

The Troubadour: And Goofy trusted him, but Donald let him down.

Chorus: He let him down!

The Troubadour: We all berate him / Because we hate him / He's a traitor, vacillator / He's a lousy second rater / Mangy mallard!

Chorus: He's a coward!

The Troubadour: Donald's destiny has soured / It's the end!

Donald Duck: [Quacks angrily and smashes the troubadour's lute] I'll show you, you doggone tortoise!

The Troubadour: That way, Tiger.

Musketeers: Evil doers cower in fear / When they see the Musketeers / Saving Minnie is our duty / Mess with her, we'll kick your - Huh!

Pete: So long, runt. I've got me tickets to the opera. A little something called I just Can't Wait To Be King!

Mickey Mouse: This is it guys, when these doors open, we got to make a very first impression.

[Donald stands, Goofy licks hair, then stands]

Mickey Mouse: Okay guys, we're on duty, and this place will be crawling with bad guys.

Donald Duck: Bad guys?

Mickey Mouse: [seriously] So, stay alert!

Donald Duck: [to Goofy] You heard him! Stay alert!

Goofy: Aye-aye sir!

[looks around, sees something strange with an ax]

Goofy: Bad guy! No! Whoa!

Mickey Mouse: Goofy!

[Goofy attacks himself]

Goofy: Gwarsh! He pulled an ax on me.

[Shows an ax]

Donald Duck: Musketeers need guys like me that are brave.

Mickey Mouse: [not understanding Donald] Yeah and guys that are brave, too.

Donald Duck: That's what I said. Brave.

Pete: It's just you and me, Mickey. Mano a mouso.

Clarabelle: [to Goofy, singing] You will not change my mind one smidge, I'm going to drop you screaming off this bridge!

Mickey Mouse: Donald, are you nuts? What's going on here?

Donald Duck: Pete is gonna kidnap Princess Minnie, so he can become king, and he's really a bad guy, and he has a secret lair and it's really dark and scary. So the point is, he's gonna kill us if we get in his way, so we should run now as far away as we can!

[Pluto's tail falls out]

Mickey Mouse: Donald, I can't understand a word you'd said.

Donald Duck: No!

Mickey Mouse: [after being carried by Donald] Hey! Hey! Put me down!

Donald Duck: Captain Pete is the bad guy!

Mickey Mouse: [copies Donald's line] Captain Pete is the bad guy?

[Mickey is let go, cut to Donald]

Donald Duck: Huh? What?

Mickey Mouse: Pete's trying to kidnap the princess?

Donald Duck: Exactly.

Pete: Now listen, you yardsticks! I am sick and tired of your screw-ups! You guy are hopeless. I leave you for five minutes and I come back to a disaster!

Mickey Mouse: Well, we were practicing our teamwork so that we could become good musketeers.

Pete: [cracking up] Musketeers?

[laughs loudly and scornfully]

Pete: Oh! Mmm! That's priceless!

Mickey Mouse: But we could work really hard and prove ourselves, Captain Pete. And then would you let us be musketeers?

Pete: Well, there's three things wrong with that.

[to Donald]

Pete: One...

[Donald chickens out and hides in his hat]

Pete: You're a coward.

[to Goofy]

Pete: Two...

[hears a telephone busy signal]

Additional Voices: We're sorry. The number you have reached has been disconnected.

Pete: Oh! You're a doofus.

[to Mickey]

Pete: And as for you, well, you're just too small! Why, I wouldn't have you yahoos as musketeers even if you were the last recruits in all of my beloved France! So, you won't need this.will you?

[crumbles Mickey's hat into a ball]

Pete: Here, kid. Have a ball!

[laughs scornfully again; to himself]

Pete: Have a ball, that's a good one!

Donald Duck: Yeah. Me, too.